Excitement - Alex

Today is the second most exciting transfer deadline day of the footballing season for a British football fan. For that reason I will be checking news feeds frequently throughout the day as well as dreaming of a big move for the better Cisse back into England (the BBC say it is fairly likely). He has crazy hair, and that's a sure fire of way of wriggling your way into my heart, mainly because crazy hair was, and is slowly returning to be, my main selling point as a human being. Finally, I CANNOT WAIT FOR JIM WHITE TIME. "Jim White?" I hear you ponder. Well J. Wizzle "has become known for his over-excitable transfer deadline day reporting and earned the nickname Jim "Deadline Day" White." My history teacher would call that "pot noodle knowledge", just looking up little bits and being lazy. Well I like being lazy, not as much as Patrick likes being lazy. Quick fact, Patrick's Nan was actually half sloth, which explains it all...

Second paragraph, different topic. I believe how that is how I was taught to do it back in English lessons. Well the "guest blogger" motion is to get a re-boot this Friday*, after it initially failed to get off the ground due to me and Paddy over-estimating both how entertaining our friends are, and how willing to write a post for a tiny Internet blog the few funny ones are. Well this Friday I am hoping to present you with a typed master piece about whatever my close pal wants to talk about. Although, when I hope for stuff it very rarely happens, which is a shame. It's an especially big shame because every single day for the past year I have hoped that Patrick falls through a man-hole cover whilst walking to or fro college. To this day it hasn't happened once.

I guess I better go and top up my education, you enjoy your day treacle ;)

*If all goes to plan

Not Gay- Paddy

You know what's odd? The number of people who upon meeting me for the first time assume that I, Paddy, am a homosexual. I'm dumbfounded by this, but since I've be at college, over 5 different and unrelated people have confessed that they assumed me to bat in the opposite direction. Now, I have nothing against gays, but I find it mildly discomforting that everyone assumes I count myself amongst them. Let me clarify this now, I am not, nor have I ever been, that way inclined. In fact, if you are female, a fan of this blog, and ever see me, stop me and say hello and I will be more than happy to do all sorts of heterosexual acts to you. Unfortunately for me, I am cursed in that I give off a mildly camp aura. Also, Alex. Alex does not help with the belief I may be a "queer". You see, Alex and I have a very close friendship, and to the outside observer may seem too close. For example, we take part in a whole lotta huggin' Turk & JD style, also he's not above implying that we may have engaged in more than that. (For the record we have not.) 

Right, that's quite enough now. I am going to go and have sex with many beautiful women now, because I'm that straight.

Slander - Alex

Regular blog readers who follow the blog with the passion of 1,000 romantic novels will know that yesterday Paddy (what sort of a name is Paddy?! He's not Irish!) made some pretty dirty remarks about me. He told you all that I would get "rascally drunk" last night and that I would be "terribly hungover" whilst writing this, false and false. I was outraged at Pat's attempt to sully my name with claims which had no backing. He lied to you with the only result being a diminishing amount of respect from the blog reading public to me. I will tell you right now that the only think I got "rascally drunk" on was rhythm, funk and boogie. Because woooowwwweee was I pulling off some swagalicious dance moves. Never before have a been so willing to wow the adoring masses* with a lethal cocktail of bad dance moves and gut busting energy. Now to put to bed the claims about Pointon being "terribly hungover", as a good friend Paddy should know that I don't get no hangovers. I woke up feeling fresh as a daisy and began watching Novak vs. Rafa on telly. I wanted the sexy Spaniard to win.

And just so you know, as I'm sure that you care, Paddy did turn up to the party in the end. He even gave me a lift home the little sweet heart, I guess he just felt guilty for his slanderous comments.

*There was always at least a couple of other folks I was dancing with.

Work not Parties- Paddy

Hello, tonight all of my friends will be attending a social gathering for the purposes of celebrating another one of our friends 18th birthday celebrations. However, my attendance at this gathering is somewhat doubtful. For why? I have to go to work and it is unlikely I will be let out early enough to warrant turning up to the party, without arriving and then being asked to leave straight away. Alex, however, will be attending this "shindig" and will most likely be getting rascally drunk and will probably be terribly hungover when he decides to do his blog-type thingy-majigga tomorrow. Even if I do go out after work, I shall not be partaking of any of the Devil's Liquids as I also have work tomorrow. And there is nothing worse than being hungover in an environment full of alcohol (I work in a pub by the way). Well maybe there are some worse things, but I don't want to list them as it might lower the tone of the blog somewhat, and we don't want that do we? No, no we do not.
Right, I am going to go now, and grab a wee bite to eat. Otherwise I might starve to death.

Forceful - Alex

WARNING,THIS BLOG WILL MAKE ME SEEM LIKE A GRUMPY KNOB HEAD

It is my 18th birthday within the next month, an event, which for most people is fairly momentous. I, however, do not feel this way. I do not look forward to my birthday at all. It is a day of the year where everyone wants to put attention on me and focus on everything to do with Alex. On the contrary to what having a blog and acting like a clown would suggest, I do not like attention. I can think of two types of attention which I would particularly like to have on me. These are the attention of a pretty lady and the attention of the England football manager, neither of which have ever been on me, and I doubt either ever will. All other sorts of attention have only negative connotations as far as I am concerned. I can, and will, cope with people feigning interest in me for one day of the year.

In my opinion the worst thing about birthdays is the presents. People spending money they had to work hard to get on me should be a heart warming concept that makes me appreciate all of the friends an family I am blessed with. I do appreciate it, but I don't like it. It's the same as Adele, I'd be a fool to suggest that she isn't talented, but I wouldn't choose to listen to her music. I don't like a fuss made about me, nor do I like money being spent on me. This is why I am particularly frustrated at my little mother ("little" mother implies I have a "big" mother, as far as I'm aware I just have the one). She is, rather cutely, set on getting me something that will last my whole life for my 18th birthday. Her suggestion is a watch. Fine by my, I have wrists, I like to know the time, a watch seems sensible. I would like to quickly draw you back to a point I made in this very blog "nor do I like money being spent on me". This makes the birthday watch idea particularly problematic, you see I've had a minimum spend placed upon my gift. I don't want to be seen as boasting or showing off my telling you how much it is, but I will tell you that it is more money than I would consider a fair deal for Champions League final tickets. That's the only clue you're getting.

There's Patrick's new hair cut. His old hair cut (the silly one) is in a video clip inside my phone, and that is all the way downstairs. I will put it on here soon though, scouts honour.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz- Paddy

If it were in anyway possible, I think I just became an even lazier human being."How?!" I hear you cry in astonishment and bewilderment. "How can you, the boy who slept a hangover off for about 27 straight hours, be getting any lazier? You, the boy who once slept through an entire morning of college. You, the boy who had to once be woken up by his parent's returning from work."
Well, internet, today when I got in from college I decided to partake of a little nap because I was feeling a little tired from my hard days college-ing. My mum offered to give me a little nudge at 5.15pm so I could watch Pointless, a TV program I have mentioned before. However, when it came to it, I ignored the nudge and continued to sleep, all the way through Pointless, and two episodes of Scrubs too. I have now gotten so lazy, that watching television is too much effort for me to endure. This is probably not good for me. I might get fat if this scenario continues too long. Which, actually might overall be better for me. Technically, at 5ft 11 and 8st 4, I have a BMI of roughly 17, which is fairly underweight.

Good day - Alex

Allow me to set my current scene... Naked except for a pair of boxer shorts I recline blissfully on my unmade bed. My main light is off but I have my bedside lamp turned on, so the room is a relaxing brightness. As my fan keeps the air around me fresh atmosphere explodes from my tinny television speakers as El Classico erupts into yet another classic. My favourite thing about my room, however, is the grin fixed onto my face. I shall now rewind and explain why I am so anti-unhappy (there's probably a word for that...) right now.

08:50 - I saw Paddy's shaved hair for the first time, he looked ridiculous!

09:15 - I began my last proper exam of this exam series, biology was on the timetable for today.

11:00 - I closed my biology paper and handed it to the elderly woman collecting papers. I think the exam went OK, I do love the nervous system.

16:15 - With college finished for the day I drove across to McDonalds and picked up a coffee.

16:30 - I picked up Patrick and me, Paddy and our big friend went to a local barbers to fix the atrocity that sat on his head.

17:45 - With a suitably trim Patrick in tow I dropped him home and came home myself, I'll show you a picture in my next blog.

18:45 - After eating a deceptively delicious ready meal my big bootied best friend came over and we finished watching Hollyoaks (the best show on telly.)

20:00 - Another quick trip to McDonalds, this time to pick up three McFlurries. Delicious ice-creamy goodness.

22:00 - After watching some Phoenix Nights and some Shipwrecked (it's not as good as Hollyoaks) my best friend left and I came upstairs to get myself cosy.

Now after a very pleasant evening and a very decent day I've just got to hope that this Classico is as good ad the first 70 minutes suggest. Gee, it's a corker.

So from a very smiley Alex, thank you for reading. Much love.

Winning and Losing- Paddy

Yesterday I won. Today I lost. And now I shall elaborate on those two simple sentences. Yesterday the Young Boys won by an impressively large 8-0, in which I myself scored 3 of those goals, an occurrence known as a hat-trick. We were happy, and we have no climbed up 1 place into the league. BOOM!
Moving on to the losing. A couple of days ago Alex and I agreed that which ever of us loses a bet should be forced to shave the sides of their head, leaving hair only on top, and come into college like that. However, at the time we could not decide upon a reasonable bet for this to be the high stakes forfeit for. Today, though, Alex suggested we see which of us could go for the longest period of time without using profanity, namely any of the big four: the S, F, C or N words, in earshot of the other. I agreed to this deal. unfortunately I could only last just short of an hour before I was prompted into using one of those terms in a conversation with a friend about a rather creepy text message she received, but Alex overheard me. This means I have to shave parts of my head. However, an issue has arisen. My mother refuses to help me in this deed. I'm sure I will find a way around this slight hiccup in my bet. I'm sure Alex will be full of gloating tomorrow.
Right, I am going to go now and try to shave my own head. See you Wednesday!

Marker pen and bad taste - Alex

"I can see where this blog is going straight from the title, Alex, being the zany nut-case he is, clearly licked the nib of a marker pen." WELL NO! Well yes actually, at some stage I have tried marker pen, but that is because I am a freak, it isn't directly related to the main topic of this blog. On Saturday night I went to a friends house to have a jolly good time. In hindsight, that sounds a little bit like he entertained me sexually, which I can assure you isn't the case. At this coming together of friends there was, I am ashamed to say, the consumption of the devils water. Regardless of the irresponsibility shown by all of those involved, one somewhat humorous photograph was the reward for a night of laughter and communal dancing. This is where you think "well I want to see this photograph", and, as if by magic, here is the photograph I was on about...

Poor in quality, I know, but I am not to blame for that, Apple decided that for a fairly expensive phone the iPhone 3GS didn't need a camera of any quality whatsoever. After I found a marker pen I set to work making my plain looking friends much more EXCITING. The female in that photograph (recently photoshopped creepily by Patrick) has a swaggerous, continental styled moustache drawn on. Nothing distasteful there. You may also recognise one time guest blogger Daniel Cook decorated with far too believable pork chop sideburns. Not too distasteful either. So by a process of elimination it must be the Chaplin inspired number on the fella' at the back which is the stache in question. You may or may not know that another bloke is sort of famed for sporting a toothbrush stache too (that would be a great time to use the newly created sarcasm font), sadly he is somewhat more disliked than national treasure Charlie Chaplin. So, Prince Harry style* a Nazi theme encroached on our recreational time.

*As opposed to big willie style 

Lonesome- Paddy

Today, I was home alone and have had to fend for myself in all manner of scenarios. Unfortunately, I am not a very mature or developed human being so whilst my parent's were at my nan's I struggled to sustain myself. However, my struggle was short lived. Fortunately I had work for an almighty 3 hours and 45 minutes today, so I was not entirely devoid of human companionship. Since returning from work, however, my situation has developed into desperation. It will soon be dinner time, and my parent's are yet to return. I have scoured the fridge, and freezer, and in the style of teenage males everywhere, have chosen to heat up the easiest food for my dinner. I chose southern fried chicken fillets for the sole reason that I can just stick them in the oven for 20 minutes without having to do little else. As a beverage to accompany this, I have chosen a can of coca-cola produced soft drink. I chose this, as it requires least effort, as it comes within its own drinking container and doesn't require any effort on my part to make it.
OOH! There goes the beeper on my oven, declaring the meal to be ready! I'll see you on the 24th of January guys.

Lads lunch, or unfortunate lack of - Alex

Ah the trusty lads lunch. Pile three or four (borderline) adult males around a table, give them a decent supply of tea and lots of meat and you have yourself a decent lads lunch. We had planned to eat our own weight in greasily cooked meat today, we being me, Paddy and the infrequently mentioned big friend (look, I mentioned him all the way back when). That was until 10:30 this morning, when 105 minutes before I was due to be picked up I received a text message giving me a sketchy excuse as to why the big, unreliable, oaf wasn't able to attend. He claimed that he had too much to do in the morning and he wanted to watch the football at 12:30. What a poo brain. Yeah, poo brain is a proper insult. So as I result my Saturday was spent without a lads lunch. As was Patrick's. Poor Patrick.

As a side note I would like to take this opportunity to tell Patrick that I love him, he's adorable.

And on that man loving note I am going to cut your daily blog disappointingly short, I've got to go and learn knowledge for exams  :(

Prince Alex- Paddy

I have previously mentioned in this blog "Man-Free", a free period I have on a Friday afternoon. We eat manly things and do manly activities. However, today was the Core 3 maths exam so Hayden and Matt were unavailable for Man-free, living just Olle and myself. Instead of going out for a weirdly homosexual lunch, I photo-shopped this picture:

That is Alex on Prince William's body, with our friend Aimee on Kate Middleton's. There was no particular reason fr me doing this, I was just bored. And now that picture is forever on the internet, and I doubt Aimee will ever know. Alex will probably find out.

Aspirations - Alex

One of either me or Patrick is fairly ambitious. I'll give you a hint as to who it is, it isn't me. Can you guess?

THAT'S RIGHT! It's Patrick.

None the less I came up with an idea which actually demonstrates a tiny (literally microscopic) amount of ambition. No doubt you are chomping at the bit to find out what my idea is, well brace yourself. Sit down if you must. Not because it's shocking, but if you're sitting down you'll be more likely to read down the page and hence become an even bigger Alexnpaddy fan. Cheeky me. I got distracted, I was telling you what the idea I had was. Well me and Patrick plan to write an article and submit it to renown comedy site Cracked. Not only would this provide Alexnpaddy with a possible new stream of fans (you'll always be my favourite fans) but it could also get us $50! That must be about £15 each, and that is three meals and change from McDonalds! On the off chance that our article doesn't get published* I'm positive that it will get posted on Alexnpaddy proper, so keep a look out!

*Of course it won't, we're not funny enough.

P.S. HERE is a band of people I know doing music I like. Safe tings.

Wikipedia- Paddy

Today  I am going to do a topical blog, about a current issue in the news, an issue of great global importance. The matter in hand, is the shutting down of Wikipedia for 24 hours, which is happening right now, to protest about SOPA, an act that, if passed, will stop online piracy, and this upsets the internet people at Wikipedia. For those of you who live in North Korea, Wikipedia is, er, well usually at this point, I'd look up the description from Wikipedia, however, what with it being offline and all. Nevertheless, I shall persevere and come up with my own description. Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia, that have all information about everything and is used frequently by students (obviously I'm not included in this) to plagiarize essays and homework. It has cause such a stir that Wikipedia has shut down for this 24 hour period because of the reliance of modern society on the website. We have, as a society, become unable to research information, having become so used to having all information located on a solitary website. Also, I occasionally find myself reading articles on Wikipedia for fun (yes, I'm that dull) and this further shows how poorly we may fare without the online encyclopedia, where else can I easily find out about  several subspecies of brown bears, or the development of the bat-mobile, or a list of spells in Harry Potter?
That is really all I have to say on the topic of Wikipedia, I don't think many people would be able to work without it and I like to read about bears on it.

WHAMMY - Alex

At the bottom of that picture you see the score from last weeks Young Boys fixture in the cup, and above it you see our fixture from last night, which rather annoying for this point, hasn't been updated. Because of the laziness of the league administrator I'm going to have to use your imagination! Look at the part in the bottom image where it says "0 - 3", now change the three to a four so it would look like "0 - 4". That's the hard work done, now just shift them numbers up to the fixture above and there you have it. Yes, we won 4-0. So in our last two games (even if they were both against the same, seemingly substandard, team) have had a total result of 7-0 in our favour. And dare I say it, we did some good football playing. Lots of passing, movement, intercepting and plenty of the trademark Young Boys skew-wif shooting. We're not very good at shooting, I would put us on par with Abu Hamza using a pistol in his right hand* and trying to shoot a single raindrop. Although we do have one player who has a habit of getting the ball in the net, and you know who he is. Patrick is quite good at scoring goals, he's better at hitting the woodwork (the post and crossbar), but I think hitting the woodwork is his main talent in life. Now to help you see just how good he is here is a spreadsheet I have updated weekly, because I am a huge square and the odds are that I shall be openly mocked for my insistence on accurate and precise record keeping.

GPG = Goals per game
APG = Assists per game

As you can see Patrick has scored 7 goals, more than any other player in our whole team, of which I can 100% guarantee that at least 4 of them were assisted by yours truly. Possibly more, but I can vividly remember and describe precisely at least 4. So I'm really our secret weapon.

I can't imagine that any more of the names in that spreadsheet mean anything at all to you, and they shouldn't. But they are all of the people who have had the honour of pulling on a Young Boys shirt this season.

This blog has been dominated by soccer, and for our readers across the pond who I am sure are sick to the back teeth of this nonsensical soccer chat I promise you that my next blog will focus on plain and simple humour. Scouts honour.

*I hope you understand why I spent plenty of time deliberating if "hand" was the right word, but I didn't want to make the joke too rewarding so I decided it was for the best.

Illness- Paddy

Today I was practically crippled in any activity I tried to do today, for I have been struck down by the rhinopharyngitis virus. That's the common cold for those of you who aren't up to scratch with your techincal medical terms. However, I have tried to to let this most debilitating illness not get the better of me, and for the most part I have succeeded. For example, I successfully ventured out of my house yesterday to my place of work, despite that probably not being too hygienic (working in a pub an' all), and today I successfully negotiated the trials and tribulations of an (almost) full day of college. To further prove my status as an unstoppable human being, I am later going to go and play football, in a game that we actually have an actual chance of not actually losing! You may be starting to think at this point, that I have blown what is effectively the sniffles all out of scale and that my feats of achieving ordinary activities are somewhat un-worthy of having a whole blog dedicated to them. To you I say: Cut me some slack, I'm ill. I can't be expected to do everything as brilliantly as I would usually.

Identity switch - Alex

Today I've not really been myself. I've done certain things that I just don't do ever, and I have also done a few things which I do so infrequently, that anyone less pedantic than myself would say "I just don't do them ever". The first thing I did that was unlike me was literally the first thing I did, I woke up after 9:00. Unlike the lazy lumberjack I share this blog with I have a healthy working relationship with A.M. To find me waking up later than 9:00 is, excluding summer, probably a once a month occurrence. So the day started off strangely. And it only got even more CRAZY* from that point on. I put my suit on for no reason at all, just because I could. Believe it or not, I don't do that very often. Then I chose doing college work above watching live football (soccer), sorry Geordies and Cockney's. Upon finishing my work I did have a brief return to normality and watched the Gunners breathtaking defeat to the less imaginatively nicknamed Swans (Swansea). After this (A nice narrative blog for you) I watched an NFL game, me and NFL don't go hand in hand, with me being a little Englander and all. Regardless I watched and sincerely enjoyed watching the safely wrapped up American's throw about the "pig skin". And the last example I have for you is what I had for tea...

There you see a full English breakfast. For my tea. CRAZY. I didn't have pasta for breakfast though. Although with this blog coming in the form of a chronologically ordered narrative if I did have pasta for breakfast you would have already known about it. Bother.

Any way, I'm off to have a bath, paint my nails, play frisbee with an imaginary dog and then sleep hanging from the ceiling, like a bat.

*Crazy is completely the wrong word to use.

3 reasons- Paddy

You know that mood you have when you wake up in the morning (by which I mean early afternoon) and just can not be bothered to do anything of note in a day, and just want to lie in your underwear on your sofa all day and watch repeats of The Big Bang Theory,whilst eating Doritos and drinking juice straight out the carton, because getting a glass is just too much hassle? You know the one I mean? Well, that's how I feel today. However, I have been unable to partake in the above described scenario for 3 reasons.
1) My mother is in and she frowns upon my wearing of only my underwear and for this reason I have had to pull on a hoody and some trackies. I'm still dressed in a relaxed fashion, but just with a bit more of my body covered and its not quite the same.
2) My father is in and he wants to watch Soccer Saturday with Jeff Stelling. This I have no complaints about, because it allows me to see Chris Kamara, and he's a hoot! However, it does prevent my watching of TBBT.
3) I was not in my history lesson on thrusday due to the Economics exam I had then. This means I have had to do history work for most of the afternoon, in an effort to catch up with my class mates. Also I have some physics homework to do, which I shall go and do now, despite that too not letting me indulge in an underwear-dorito-juice-big bang theory-athon.
BYE!

Just too much - Alex

I don't have a habit of letting things get on top of me, girls being a prime example of this. You will be hard pressed to find a girl on top of me. After what I hope was a fairly successful examination this morning I drove home in the sunshine and got into my house in just about the best mood that it is possible to achieve during a period of exams. I thought in order to enhance my already sunshiney mood I would hop my little booty onto Fifa and the plan was to play a few games on my beloved head-to-head seasons, gain promotion and then switch game modes to the traditional manager mode for some Malaga based domination. That was the plan. However what actually happened was I got handed my arse to me in three consecutive online matches and got fed up of Fifa so blew some stuff up on Saints Row: The Third. The title "just too much" was going to be worked in just about here, I planned to say something like "all three of my opponents had just too much", but I have decided against that. I have decided against that though, because they didnt have "just too much" for me, they had plenty spare. They pulled my torusers down and spanked me. On a britghter and more pro-Pointon note I am winning a game of "words with friends" by the score 76-22 and we have had the same amount of goes, WOOO. I have 4 games going at this exact second and I am winning them all by the scores 76-22, 135-132, 102-98 and 186-158. I call that a clean sweep. And I call this a blog, tata you loyal blog reader, I'll catch up with you on Sunday.

Lucky Pen- Paddy

Today, as I had previously told you, I had my first exam of the 2012 calendar year. I'm sure you all recall that it was an economics paper. I think that it went well, not least because of my lucky pen. Yes, I have a special pen with which I have done every exam in the last 3 years of my life. That is actually a lie. I had to do my June module of my Politics AS with a different pen due to my lucky pen running out within the first 3 lines of my essay on the British Political system. The fact I did not use my lucky pen was apparent in my results, I achieved only a mark of 70% on that paper, and that was the lowest mark I got over all my modules in all my papers last academical year. Fortunately, I shall not be suffering the same issue again this year! I have replaced then ink in the pen with a full biro pen core thingy. It should easily be enough to get me through this current exam season, especially considering the brief nature of my answers and the fact the previous ink-tube thing in my pen had lasted since my year 10 mock exams. Anyway, I am going to go and go now and go do some Politics revision for the resit I have to do of the above mentioned exam. Defo gonna do better this time wit' ma lucky PEN!

Provenance - Alex

I'm sure you'll remember that in my last blog I showed you a lot of pictures, one complaint (from Pat, the scrawny goof) was that I didn't give enough provenance for each photo. In response to that I shall spend this whole blog telling you the story behind one single photo.

There you go, a picture of a teenage girl being kissed against her will by a middle aged man.

Here goes the provenance... Yesterday it was my best friends birthday, she turned 18! She is now legally a woman and hence if she were to sell her body it would be slightly less bad to buy it because she is responsible for herself now and not a child. She'll be reading this, I better cover my tracks with compliments... But phwoar, if she were to sell her body... Wow... They'd be some astronomical prices. I delivered her presents a day late too (because in the world of boohoo next day delivery doesn't actually mean next day delivery). I'd also like to add that I love her very very much.

DISTRACTED FROM PROVENANCE. As it was her birthday me, her and some other friends went to a public house to indulge in each others company (and some over-18s indulged in alcohol too). Public houses are normally full of middle aged people, this one was no different. The main body was middle age male heaven, us youths were just tucked away around a table in the corner; the corner by the exit. Now as one particular inebriated male (not so inebriated that I thought of him as any sort of irrational threat) left he noticed the large "18 TODAY" balloon and offered Robyn (the lucky birthday girl) a birthday kiss. Sensibly enough she declined, who'd know what her absent boyfriend would think*, only to find out that she didn't have a say in the matter. She was getting a birthday kiss whether she liked it or not. After a bit of wrestling he finally got what he wanted and left a blushing Robyn to play a genius joke on Aimee (the girl in the photo, she's short and fit). Robyn said that it was also Aimee's birthday, expecting her to have a kiss stolen from her too, and as predicted, she did. Our antagonist of the night danced his way gracefully (walked fairly plainly) to the other side of the table and planted a big smacker on Aimee's face area. He didn't seem to have the mouth-eye co-ordination to plant one right on the mouth, but to be fair to him, she was wriggling desperately to get out of his creepy, semi-drunken, middle aged grasp. And that is the story behing the photo all the way up there!

So there you have it, I hope that this will be the best blog post about a mild sexual offence you read today. If not, link me up in the comments below <3

*She told him not to come, don't assume that he's a bad boyfriend. He's really sweet actually...

Winning!- Paddy

HEY GUYS (AND GALS), GUESS WHAT! You know that football team me and Alex play for, you know the Young Boys. And you know how that team never, ever, ever, wins ever? Well, yesterday, that changed! We won a game! We actually beat another team in an official counting match and everything! 3-0 was the scoreline and I'm sure you'll all be pleased to here that I scored one of those three goals. Also goals were scord by mine and Alex's Mexican friend and our attractive friend (no homo). I also hit the post with a superb curling effort that would probably have been the greatest goal anyone had ever scored ever, and that includes Diego Maradona's first goal against England in the 1986 world cup, widely regarded as the current greatest goal of all time. However, the Young Boys' victory over TAG Athletic was not all plain sailing. For 5 minutes our teamn was reduced to 4 after Alex got himself blue-carded, and therefore sin-binned, for a challenge that would fit nicely into this football based compilation from the YouTube. It was the hardest 5 minutes of my life. Unfortunately, this win does not count for anything as it was the last game of a group stage of a cup we had no chance of progressing in. However, we do have the same team in the league next week, so finger's crossed we can repeat the imporbable and win again!

A photographic timeline - Alex

Looking through some photos I just took off of my phone I decided that I would share my favourites with you, so here is roughly 18 months of my life in a few photographs!

THEY LOOK LIKE BROTHERS!



A bare summery panorama photo

Mustang time!

Salford quays never looked as beautiful as this

Me and Harry Redknapp

Assorted panorama photos (I know I took a lot!) from my holiday

Rubik's cube cake!

Skype on an iPad + lucky timing for my best friend to look down = oral sex lol

A car in front of me had "vag" in their license plate, I did a lot of laughing

I'm 25% certain that everyone will have found all of them funny, sadly that means that I'm 75% certain that not everyone liked all of them. What is your personal favourite? Well buck a trend and comment on a blog*! There is yet another innovative blog format this year from yours truly, Alex Pointon - innovating silly little blogs since 2012.

*Thank you to the generic commenter a while back, you're my new best friend <3



Economics- Paddy

I have my first exam of the year in little under 4 days. By first, I mean first of this set of exams, not my first ever exam. I had that many years ago in my year two SATs back at the ripe old age of 7 over 11 years ago. But anyway, back to Thursday's exam. It is my AS Economics exam for Unit F581. I am not especially nervous about this exam for 2 main reasons.
1) It is only an AS. I am now in my second year at college and doing my A2 exams slightly late this month, and those are the exams I am nervous about. Those are the exams that universities will look at and decide whether or not to let me go there next year and are therefore quite important.
2) I'm quite good at economics. I'm not as good at it as any of these guys, but I am quietly confident that I can come out of my exam with a not shameful grade.
Sadly, due to my exam being only a matter of days away, I have to go and do some of that revision type stuff. See y'all on Tuesday!

Swave wabour - Alex

At times I don't talk good. I have a rare tendency to say "cwicket" instead of "cricket" and other similar bad saying stuff. This is where the title of todays blog derives from, I attempted to say "slave labour" (I shall elaborate on why soon) but instead I said "swave wabour". This greatly amused my younger sister and prompted her to tease me non-stop for minutes on end. Painful, painful minutes. I think it's mean of her to tease me for something I did by accident, I'd never tease her if she accidentally slipped down the stairs.

Now for me to tell you why I was even talking about slave labour...

I got a new phone, transferring new contacts across is a laborious and horrible process. I got bored. She offered to help, and then, as everyone can surely guess I said that it felt like "slave labour". That's it. That's it for both the anecdote and todays blog. Sorry for letting you down and being crap.

My bag- Paddy

Damn! My shoulder hurts. It hurts because I have a messenger style back in which I carry my belongings to college. This means the entire weight of it rests upon my right shoulder and this is unfortunate because today my back weighed  approximately as much as a cubic meter of a hypothetical preon star. For those of you who don't know how heavy that is, one cubic meter of a preon star is estimated to weigh about 10²³ kg, or 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg if you don't like numbers to be in standard form. For an interesting comparison, that's about as much as 555,555,555,555,555,555,556ish hippopotami (normal ones, not pygmy hippos). I may have exaggerated the weight of my back slightly. It did in fact only way, hang on whilst I check this, 6.4kg or 14lbs if you are old school. However, for a back full of college books its still pretty hefty and is comparable in weight to 6.4 one kilogram  bags of sugar, or for another animalistic comparison it weighs about as much as an adult female Guatemalan Black Howler Monkey.
Right chaps, I am going to go now and do some revision. Bare revision.

Why so serious? - Alex

Like Martin Luther King I had a dream, but mine involved you and a tub of whipped cream.

When I heard that I giggled like a ten year old girl who had just seen her Dad trip into a stream. A very specific simile I know, but it was a very precise giggle. This should be a very serious time of my year. I am approaching my A level exams at a dizzying rate and I can't help but always feel under-prepared, however in some sort of peculiar juxtaposition I feel at complete ease. My revision seems to be going well, I'm progressing handsomely on FIFA head to head seasons (even if I did just get handed a 7-3 flavoured slice of humble pie by "Call me Mr V") and Alexnpaddy has started the year with viewing figures that are above what I could have hoped for. An added bonus is that me and Paddy have had little to no contact in the last few days, I only saw him briefly to drop of an Eamon Holmes DVD*. He was wearing a fleece material onesie/baby grow, which would suggest to me that he is pretty laid back at this point in time too. How do I relax? I read articles like THIS and then try to spread (pardon the pun) them around.

It is time for me to get ready for college now, enjoy your Thursdays gang xx

*I do random, non-holiday presents better than enyone else. Here is the DVD in question!

Early Morning Blog- Paddy

How on the ball am I? It is barely my day and already I am sat here bashing one out. A blog that is, you sick minded thing, you. Why am I awake at this ungodly-ly early hour? To keep my elder female sibling company. Ah, so why is she awake? Because, and I quote, "I have nothing better to do". So basically I am awake at this hour because Vikki does not want to be a-sleeping. I am ok with this though, for I too am only delaying the fairly regular and common activity (especially for myself) of sleeping. So, what am I doing whilst I am sat awake at 01.20am? Well currently, I am watching the QI Christmas special, otherwise it will be too late to watch a seasonal special. I mean, could you imagine watching a Christmas themed episode of any television series in the middle of summer? It would be preposterous, unless of course you live in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case Christmas is in the middle of summer. Now QI has finished, leaving me entertainment-less and now ready for sleep, never fear though, I shall soldier on until this blog is done, which by the length of it, it almost is! Also, I have to be awake in little over 11 hours to tackle the arduous task of a A2 physics practice paper due to it being revision for my upcoming exams in January. Wish me luck on it chaps (and female chaps, I'm no sexist).

From Russia with love - Alex

Much as I did way back when it is time for me to utilise google translate to help me make a new acquired international readership feel at home on Alexnpaddy. It has come to my attention that recently inhabitants of Russia have found their way onto Alexnpaddy in their masses, with them making up more of our page views on the 2nd of January than any other nation did. Obviously there is mo need for me to translate a little greeting into Russian, they obviously can read English or their browser translates it. Otherwise they'd only be able to look at the banner and admire mine and Patrick's near homosexuality (only near). So here's the message...

Привет вам немного нахальный обезьяны, я надеюсь, что вы любите читать блог и что вы продолжаете читать ее на всю оставшуюся вечность.

I'm not sure if the phrase "cheeky monkeys" is widely used in Russia, I'm not even positive that all Americans would understand the phrase. So if you're American and reading this could you comment and let me know if you've heard/used the term "cheeky monkey" before? (Obviously no one will comment, no one ever comments on the blog. It's depressing really)

So there you go, I've been your boy A. Pizzle and you have been reading the best blog on the web*. Peace out.

*In no one's opinion except my Mum's.

Sherlock- Paddy

Hullo everybody. I have now recovered from my New Year's Eve shenanigans. Yesterday may have involved a fair amount of sleeping, in fact, I probably spent 18 of the 24 hours of the 1st of January 2012 asleep in some place or another. But enough of my terribly hungover life, for now I feel compelled to tell you about one of the most glorious 90 minutes of my life. Today, I watched the first episode of the new series of BBC1 drama Sherlock and it was probably one of the most compelling things I have ever seen. As a series Sherlock is truly magnificent, having all areas covered; Drama, Suspense, Mystery, Humour and Excitement. I'm not the only who thinks Sherlock is magnificent. It was all over my twitter feed too with various celebrities and internet persons all singing its praises. I feel I can now count myself amongst the list of famous people who are Sherlock fans for 2 reasons: 1) I am a fan of Sherlock and 2) I am an egomaniac and like to think I am famous. Well, you've all heard of me haven't you? See that makes me famous because at least 2 people know who I am who I don't know. Thats basically like having fans, which is a key thing famous people have. I'm done blogging now, I'll be back on Wednesday to sign autographs and pose for pictures.

Welcome to 2012, it'll be no different to 2011 - Alex

So now 2011 is nothing more than disappointing memories and all I have to show for it is a bunch of average AS levels and a new scar on my forehead, we can really sink our teeth into what will happen over the next 365 days. Inevitably because I'm a grumpy so and so there isn't too much that I'm looking forward to. So I'm sure you're cradling your liver after a mad NYE 2K11 (New years eve 2011, for you or me) and you're keen to have a nice easy to digest blog today. Well you're in luck, here is how my 2012 looks.

January
I get to do loads of exams - actually I'll rephrase it, I get to struggle in loads of exams
One of my best friends birthdays is in just 9 days, I'll have to get her a bangin' prezzie

February
A few university open days to go to - I hate travelling
I'm going to see Manchester United have a football match against our friendly Scouse neighbours
Yet another lonely valentines day
I turn 18 - I don't like birthdays, they seem much ado about nothing

March
I genuinely can't think of anything I have planned for March, I think I might get my exam results

April
My sister turns 16, watch out boys
The Easter bunny visits again

May
My friends Dad who has a moustache turns 48/49, she's not sure
Manchester City will win the Premier League with a record amount of points - this will make me sad
Another bout of exams will no doubt make my life hell

June
Summer starts, in my opinion, I'll crack out shorts most days
I think I break up from college, freedom for a few months!
I'm going to the Olympics, not to compete, just to watch.

July
I'm going on my expedition to Tanzania, that should be worthwhile - once in a life time experience ting
Lads holiday to my friends Nan's house in Spain, LLLAAAAAADDDZZZ

August
Another month of nothingness

September
Possibly going to university, possibly getting ready to go to university next month

October
Settling into university now, either that or just going to university - it won't be good because I don't like people, also people tend not to like me
I hope to go trick or treating too - like a big kid

Movember
Hopefully I'll have a decent chance of growing some facial hair - I probably won't though
On the 5th there will hopefully be loads of bare good fireworks

December
Christmas, new years - all exactly the same as what we just did, just this time with a new and improved mature Alex. Yeah right.



Just for lolz, looks like Pat enjoyed his NYE 2K11