A story- Paddy

This may seem like a cop-out blog to some of you, but I'm just going to link to a picture of a story someone wrote on the internet for you all to read. Here it is. Enjoy. I thought it was very interesting.

Football crazy - Alex

As I have mentioned in the past I am a HUGE football fan, an avid Manchester United follower and a religious player of FIFA. For these reasons today has been a good day for me, and I shall now embark upon explaining to you why. Any football fan would find it difficult to not get a tiny bit excited at the tail end of the transfer window. The rumour mill powered by fans seeing players in local petrol stations and dodgy agents trying the raise interest in their players is only matched by the exciting Sky Sports News coverage on actual deadline day. The best thing about being a Manchester United fan today is that we got a really good Champions League group (Braga, Galatasary and CLUJ) AND Manchester City got a really really bad one (Real Madrid, Ajax, Borussia Dortmund). Last, but by no means least, FIFA! Today is a good day to be a fan of FIFA because they released their new television advert. It looks really really good and it's got me supper super excited. LOVE YOU GOOD BYE.

Football Shirts- Paddy

I have a dilemma. When Alex and I go out to play football, we often coordinate the colour of shirt we are wearing with each other and also our other friend Connor. This ensures we end up playing together and are therefore better as a team. We usually wear one of 3 colours; red, white or blue. For a red shirt I either wear a Charlton or a South Korea shirt. White is either Charlton's away shirt or England. Blue, however, is wear the issue lies. I usually wear an old Charlton away shirt, but now that shirt is too small for my hulking physique. This means I need to replace it with a new blue shirt that fits me. I have whittled it down to 3 choices. The choices are PSV's away shirt, an Italy shirt with Balotelli printed upon it, and lastly an Olympique Lyon away shirt. I know no-one comments frequently on this blog anymore, but I would buy the first shirt that a commenter picks from that line up. So please, make my choice for me.

Mobile - Alex

I am writing this post on my mobile phone whilst walking home (a long walk, may I add) from my friends house. Due to this it may well be full of typing errors which I don't have the motivation to correct. Before I tell you about my frankly amazing day I will state that it is a balmy 15 degrees right now so it is quite pleasant walking home in jeans and a t shirt. Now to tell you about my day. Well at 3pm my friend picked me up and took me back to his house from where we (after being joined by Paddy) walked to a local pub and all tucked into a mixed grill accompanied by 2 pints is carlsberg and then paddy and I both had a "gay desert" as they were labelled by our insensitive oaf of a friend.we then walked back to our friends house and played minecraft, gears of war and FIFA with pizza. It was very big amounts of fun. That isn't grammatically correct, but I don't care because I'm in a long, dark and scary alley. I'm sorry this blog is rubbish, but I want to focus in walking quickly so I can get home and poop. Peace out.

Anarchic- Paddy

Anarchy is defined as A state of disorder due to absence or nonrecognition of authority according to Google. Today my life descended into anarchy. In England traditionally, a roast dinner is served on a Sunday  however, today (a Monday) my mum prepared a roast. It was outrageous. I was indignant and slightly bemused. In fact I was so outraged that this is all I can say today. I will return wednesday with a less outraged blog.

Suit up - Alex

Today I am to attend a wedding and hence shall be clad in my finest suit. This is an exciting state of affairs as I rather enjoy wearing a suit. Sometimes, and you've got to promise to keep this a secret because it's rather weird, but when I'm bored at home I just put my suit on and marvel at myself in the mirror. I then tend to break into a little rendition of Barney Stinson's classic song....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuAnZ7kcvOo

Whilst doing a quirky little jig. I'd like to point out that I only ever do this when there is no one else in the house, I would hate to be caught. Right now I need to actually go and suit up, I shall fill you in soon little one!

Not Summer- Paddy

I know I live in England, and I know that this means an entirely underwhelming summer is to be expected weather wise, but today is just making a mockery of the very concept of summer. It is August (if you weren't aware) and in the south of England we just had a full on thunderstorm with thunder, obviously, and lightening and torrential rain pouring down. It was even worse in the northern parts of England, with a football game in Sunderland being called off due to the waterlogged pitch. This clearly shows its been pretty effing wet today and the exact opposite of how summer should be. Normally at this time we have a half-hearted hosepipe ban and all the chavvy men in Farnborough walk around with their shirts off and slung over 1 shoulder. This has not happened at all apart from for 2 days in the middle of last week. I was forced to wear flip-flops in England. That's how summer should be. Not a monsoon-esque downpour that risks drowning those who keep their mouths open.

Magical happiness blog - Alex

This is a link filled blog, and from THIS POINT ONWARDS EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU CLICK WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY.

Meat - Alex

As a red blooded, impulse following male I love to dig my canines into a slab of juicy meat. Rather luckily this little hobby of mine was entertained for last night as barbecue was on the menu! In terms of meat I gobbled up 2 burgers (the finest that co-op had to offer) and 6 sausages (the middle range that ASDA had to offer). The food was all very nice, however the weather was not. Upon arriving at my amigos casa the weather was just what you would want for a barbecue, sunny and warm. However after 30 minutes playing Skyrim on his bed (waiting for everyone else to turn up, naturally) the heavens opened and it rained cats and dogs. This subsided after a further 30 minutes, but it was enough to kill our idea of sitting in the sunshine. Don't you worry though reader, the obvious crisis was averted. The MEN went and cooked meat in the drizzly rain whilst the women cut bread indoors. Also, our alternative to sitting on garden chairs in the sunshine was to sit on the kitchen floor in the fluorescent light. My bottom got numb and my tummy began to hurt after a while. Firstly because I ate until my bottom nearly burst off and secondly because I laughed a lot.

There is my tale for today, speak to you in two days homie.

Release the Hamsters- Paddy

Earlier, I was thinking to myself: "How many hamsters would I need to buy in order to be able to create a self sustaining population in the UK countryside should I release them into the wild?"
Yes, I realise that was an unusual thought process, but it is still a thought I would like to extend into this blog.  My initial thought was 5 males and 5 females. However, I then realised 2 things. 1) That this does not seem nearly enough hamsters, taking into account hunting from other species and what not, and 2) hamsters have a harem based breeding system, with one male mating with multiple females. This means I would only need 1 male for every 5 females or so. This has led me to the estimate of 3 males and 15 females released into the wild countryside of Farnborough. This would be expensive, assuming £5 per hamster, totaling a minimum spend of £90.
Another issue I have with the initial thought is where in Farnborough would I release them. A hamster's natural environment is the desert, something distinctly lacking in North-East Hampshire. I thought initially I'd leave them on a local playing field surrounded by a small area of scrubland. This seems like the type of place that would have many small nuts and berries that the hamsters could eat.
Obviously, this is purely hypothetical and I'm not actually going to release 18 hamsters onto a field. That would be silly. Also as a newly impoverished student, there's no way I can afford the £90 start up fee.

I don't like this - Alex

Both me and Patrick have adopted a lazy attitude towards this blog which, I'm sure the 6 of you who are reading this, have noticed. It results in days without posts as well as days where not posting probably would have been more entertaining than the drivel that can be produced in a hurry. Why is it getting to the stage that we post in a hurry? Well I can only speak for myself, and sometimes there is a genuine reason to post in a hurry. But if I post after 10pm it is usually because I forgot about you in the day and then decided to rush through something spontaneous so not to disappoint. Using the power of thought I have come to the conclusion that this isn't the way a blog should operate and because of that when I join university (in roughly a month) I will stop posting every other day and instead will only post when I feel like I have some content worth your time. It may be that sometimes you get two posts in two days but it may also be that on other occasions you get one post a fortnight. I would like to thank the tiny proportion of our original readership (95% of whom must have been driven away by the decline in quality) who have stuck around and hopefully soon it will actually be quality over quantity. That's all I've got to say for now, but hopefully in my next blog I'll have something to tickle your funny bone with!

Short and Poor- Paddy

I have 5 minutes to type this blog. It will therefore be short and of poor quality. Today I had work for 4 hours and did not get paid, because my boss was not in. This means I have to face the hassle of going in to work tomorrow to pick up my money. Also today, I had a curry. I'm not a huge fan of curry, so I just had a Chicken Tikka and naan bread. 3 minutes to go. I then went to a friends house and played with fire, but It was in a controlled environment so that makes it all OK. You shouldn't play with fire outside of a controlled environment. Remember that guys. 2 minutes left. I have nothing left with which to fill this sentence, and now 1 minute to go. Time to title and post.

Bedding - Alex

Yesterday I bought some new bedding and I've come to the conclusion that I have nothing else in my life more interesting to talk about. All of my bedding came to quite a high price for bedding, with 2 double duvet covers, 4 pillow cases, a double duvet, a pillow and 2 4ft bed sheets it is quite a big order too. I'm looking forward to it all being delivered. No doubt it will be in a huge box, which, when emptied I can crawl inside and pretend I'm in a spaceship or a castle.

Another huge thing going on in my life right now? Ummmmm. The weather is pretty nice in South East England, and is forecast to be Mediterranean for the next week or so. It's got to the point where I'm even considering hosting a barbecue with meat and FIFA set up in the living room. I doubt I'd invite Patrick though, he isn't allowed in my house after last time... He did a poop in my house teehee.

Results Night- Paddy

Yesterday was my results day. I got BBC and got into Leicester, so that was pretty swell. To celebrate this event I went to a nightclub in a nearby town called Jaxx. To clarify, the club is called Jaxx, not the town. Last time I went to Jaxx it was a Friday night and on a Friday night Jaxx has "£1.50 night". Despite that being an awkward price, it does mean the drinks are very cheap and this makes it easy to get drunk. However, last night was obviously a Thursday. Thursday is not "£1.50 night". This meant it was quite expensive for drinks. A bottle of beer was £4 and a Jagerbomb was £3.50, an extortionate amount for either of those drinks. It also cost me a fiver to get in and a fiver for the taxi home. So, by the end of the night, I'd spent roughly £30 in total and would be described as "tipsy" or "rambunctious" at best. It was slightly underwhelming is what I'm saying. I did, however, have a very nice burger at a kebab shop at the station whilst I waited for my taxi. So that was a positive part of my night.

Pre-prepared - Alex

I can only apologise about my lack of post the day before yesterday, I promise you that I wrote one out and clicked publish and all. It was a short rubbish one from my phone late at night, but a post none the less. Anyway, as I write this it is actually still Patrick's day and I have just scheduled this to post on the morning of my day. The reason for this is so that I don't forget about you. As Patrick talked about yesterday (technically still today) we receive our A level results on the 16th and it is certainly the most important point in my academic career to date and certainly in the top 3 most important things in my whole life. Because of its importance it is more than feasible that I get caught up in a results based storm. For example my results could be much worse than I was hoping for and have to spend the whole day trying to convince different universities that I am worth a place on their courses. Or quite the opposite could happen and my results could be so good that to help me celebrate my Mum buys me hookers and i have to spend the whole day with them. So that's why I pre-prepared this.

Good night (even though it's now 7 in the morning)

Tomorrow- Paddy

Tomorrow might be the most important day of my life to date. At roughly 8 am, my A-Level results come online and I will have my place at university confirmed or denied. This is quite a big deal for me as it could potentially be a entirely life changing moment for me (my god, that sounds pretentious). Obviously, the weight of the results is hanging over me somewhat and I am slightly nervous for it all. On the other hand, I am also strangely relaxed because at this point in time there is little else I can do. In fact there is nothing I can do to alter what results I will receive tomorrow. We will just have to see how it goes, and by "we", I mean "I". On the off-chance that my results do go badly, I will still be able to go to university via a process called clearing, that I don't currently fully understand. I have a leaflet though to clear that up for me. I best go find that leaflet and give it a read.

Golf- Paddy

I am about to embark on a golf- themed night of drinking, and I am looking forward to it. I'm sat here in a polo shirt, sweater vest, golf visor and single glove and raring to down me some alcoholic beverages. Alex a;ready briefly mention this round of Pub Golf to you on Sunday. For those of you who want to know, the full rules (as set out by my friends on Facebook) ac

We are going to 9 pubs, and will be drinking a different drink in each pub. The par score refers to the number of times a drink is lifted to the mouth, rather than the number of gulps. Whilst the drink is raised to the mouth you must drink continuously. No straws are allowed. Each player can only go to the toilet 3 times, at any time they wish to. Any further toilet breaks will be penalised by 2 strokes. Any spilling of drink will be penalised by 1 stroke. Any person throw ing up will have a 5 stroke penalty. Any person not dressed in golfing attire will be penalised 10 strokes. The loser will have to do a forfeit of of the winner's choice  Fairly intense stuff. We have chosen a route of nine local pubs, including the one I work at, so that should be an interesting experience. I am expecting many violent upheavals of alcohol from the stomachs of those involved, and a long and arduous walk home at the end.

Sun burn - Alex

Please, silently judge me internet, just because I'm still counting this as my day for posting it doesn't mean there is nothing you can do about it.

Before you actually judge me too much I should clear up that I wrote this on Saturday afternoon and just scheduled it to post well before Paddy would wake up on Sunday to show him how frustrating it can be when a blogger can't stick to their day. At least when I don't post on my day I have the common decency to not post the next day either, out of sheer respect to the man I share this blog with. As I said previously I spent Thursday at the Olympics watching athletes be good at athletics. If I told you all about that you would get bored because no doubt if you care about it you already know what happened and if you don't care about it, well you don't care about it. But two things of note did happen; for starters the 80,000 strong crowd was unanimous in a group rendition of the YMCA and secondly I got awfully sun burnt and my face looks like a tomato and my biceps are the colour salmon. I rejected sun tan lotion though, because it's well square to wear it in England. And I wouldn't ever do anything knowingly square. But today I did procure a golfing glove and a visor. But that's not square because they are to accompany a night long drinking game. PUB GOLF.

Evening Session- Paddy

Don't you silently judge me internet, I'm still counting this as my day for posting and there is nothing you can do about it.
I was going to tell you all about my day at the Olympics because as Alex was, I too was at the Olympics on Thursday. We were watching different things though. I had tickets to the evening athletics session. This means I was literally sat right there in the stadium as Usain Bolt did that things he does so well and swaggered home in the 200m final. It means that I also saw the Kenyan David Rudisha set the men's 800m world record time with the first run under 1 minute 41 seconds. On a less widely appreciated note, I also saw several triple jumpers fall over whilst attempting to do their hops, steps and jumps. One of them was quite badly hurt though, so that was not so good. Also I saw a false start in a 1500m race, not even a proper 1500m race, but the one in the men's Decathlon. This made me wonder, why over a race of that distance does an athlete need to react so quickly? It's not like they haven't got enough distance to make up the 0.01 seconds they lose by waiting for the gun to actually fire. I also saw roughly a billion different medal ceremonies for events won by Americans and I kept having to stand up for the Star Spangled Banner and I was stood in front of an American lady who belted out the words every time. By the end I basically knew it. Something about seeing by the dawn's early light and the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Bed time - Alex

Just as I wa nodding off to sleep I remembered that I hadn't filled you in on what I've been doing in the last 2 days, so I will now do that as briefly as I can in order to return to sleeping as soon as possible. Yesterday I went to see the Olympics. Today I went to see the Olympics. Both days I watched athletics, and both times I had a jolly enjoyable day. I have, however, been awake since 5 so I call it snooze time. Nanight.

Turkey Leg- Paddy

Today, myself and 3 friends indulged in eating turkey legs. According to this website, turkey legs are the 7th manliest food, sandwiched between T-bone steak at number 8 and Beef jerky at number 6. The turkey leg I had was among the best foods I have ever eaten. It was large and filling and moist and tender and was ultimately a decent meal. On the negative side, it did, however, take a whopping 90 minutes to cook in my friends oven. 90 minutes is bordering on too long to wait for any food to be ready, but for the turkey leg it was worth it. Whilst we were shopping for foods, we did consider buying a duck to have instead of the turkey legs. However, a Frenchman in Asda convinced us otherwise, telling us it was hard work to cook a duck to a good standard. Also duck isn't even in the top 8 manly foods. Why would I want to eat anything not on that list? That would basically make me a woman, and I'm no woman.

Bad batteries - Alex

I'm a pretty clever guy, my evidence for this is that the title for this post relates to 2 things going on in my life right now! Firstly my phone battery has decayed to such a point that I get 2-3 hours usage out of a full charge (bloody Apple) so I plan to fork out £55 to have the battery replaced by an certified Apple outlet. It isn't toooooooooo bad because I got the phone for free and if I was offered a fully working iphone for a total expense of £55 I would snap your hand off.

Now for the second topic about "bad batteries", and it's about me. Normally I'm a pretty energetic guy, not too dissimilar to a Duracell bunny, however since returning from Tanzania it feels like I have been operating on half power. I always feel drained in the day time and often end up having a long nap in the afternoon (waking up a dribbly mess in crinkly clothes). Last night I got in at 1 (I went to the pub with Paddy) and struggled to sleep so ended up texting one sober and one drunk girl until 4 in the morning. 4! That is not a sensible time to be going to bed. When I eventually sprang (with sprang being a grossly misapplied word) out of bed at 10 this morning I shuffled about the house like a zombie. What I need is some Mexican music and lots of speed, that would perk me right up I reckon.

Magic Mike- Paddy

Earlier tonight, I went to see Magic Mike. It is a film about male strippers, and possibly the worst film I have ever seen. It might even be worse than The Devil Wears Prada, a film I granted the title of Worst Ever when I watched it back in year 8. Both are truly awful expiriences, and add up to 4 hours of my life I wish I had back.
However, since I saw Magic Mike I have consumed 5 pints of beer. This means I am typing this slightly drunk and it is taking a while. It is for this reason that I am going to end this blog short and call it here. I'll do a more substantial one on wednesday.

Jump in my car - Alex

Jump in my carI wanna take you homeJump in my carIt's too far walk on your own
(No, thank you, sir)Ah, come on I'm a trustworthy guy(No, thank you, sir)Oh little girl, I wouldn't tell you no lies(I know your game)
How can you say that we only just met(You're all the same)Ooh she's got me there, but I'll get her yet(I got you there)
No, you didn't, I was catching my breathAnd look it's starting to rainAnd baby you'll catch your death(Well, I dunno)Ah, come it comes nothing to tryAnd you'll arrive home nice and dry
Jump in my carI wanna take you homeCome on jump in my carIt's too far to walk on your own
Jump in my carI wanna take you homeCome on jump in my carIt's too far to walk on your own
(Well, maybe I will)Ah that's better now your talking sense(But you best keep still)Well, if you like I'll just put up a fence
(No need to get smart)Well, alright we'll soon be on our way(Well, we better start)What for?(Because it's such a long way)
Well, why, where'd you live?(I live down south, it's roughly 85 miles)Hey slow down, you must be jokingThere behind that cute smile(Oh no I'm not)
Well, if you're not, there's only one thing to say(And what's that?)Get outta the car get on your way
Get outta my car(But you just said that you'd take me home)Well, it's just too far
(But there's no way I can get there alone)I couldn't care less(Well, maybe I could see you next week)But you look a mess
(Well, look who's talking, you've got no right to speak)Get outta my car(You told me that you were a really nice guy)Ooh well, I ain'tWell, yeah get outta my carGet out, get out of my car

It's time for Shorts- Paddy

I have a rule that I have mentioned to you before. The rule is that "When attending a barbecue, a real man will wear shorts, no matter what the weather." It is a good rule, and one that I always stick too. In fact, I just put on a pair of shorts to attend an event being hosted by my friend involving the grilling of meat in an outdoor environment. However, I am slightly concerned that the slight breeze, combined with lack of sunshine and late end time of this event will lead me to regret my shorts. I can't back out now though, I've always worn shorts to barbecues. Alex even texted me earlier saying "I assume you are applying your 'it's a BBQ hence shorts are the only option' logic to your outfit this evening?". He was concerned he would be the only person brave and/or foolish enough to wear shorts in a less than summery atmosphere. I have come up with a solution to avoid getting chilly. It is drinking. I will drink alcohol until it's senses numbing abilities come into play. This will give me a "beer coat", and means I will no longer be a susceptible to getting chilly. This may also be irrefutable evidence that alcohol cures all issues.

Jambo - Alex

Jambo, last night I received a grumpy seeming text from Mr. Paddy requesting I did a blog yesterday. I was always going to find it difficult to complete his request because at the time of receiving his text (22:46) I was fast asleep. In an attempt to neutralise the inevitable anger I will have conjured up by going against the bosses wishes I shall hammer out a blog to be ready for when he wakes up today (normally around lunch time).

Obviously you've not heard much from me recently, I've been a little bit busy being in another country. Although if I'm painfully accurate I have been in 3 countries other than England since my last blog. To pad out this post and therefore decrease the amount of time until I can defecate and have a shower I shall show you a photograph.

That is me (and my more muscular and tanned compatriot) in only our boxer shorts at the top of Mount. Kilimnjaro. At the time that photograph was taken the temperature read roughly -20 degrees (that's -4 degrees for you Americans) and it felt it. Now stay tuned for a whole host more Tanzania updates from me in the coming days.

The Dark Knight Rises Again- Paddy

Well, instead of being able to regale of the glorious return of the Young Boys, as I had planned to tonight, I can not. Unfortunately, our opponents were not prepared to do battle of the 5-a-side pitch and thus our game has been postponed to next week.
On the plus side, this has freed up my evening and has enabled me to attend a screening of The Dark Knight Rises for the second time. I am very excited. Coincidentally, Alex is also seeing TDKR tonight (for the first time due to his Africa shenanigans), but with a different group of people. Isn't that a crazy, crazy thing? Well, its not that crazy, but I don't care because I get to see Batman again. YEAH.
On a completely unrelated note, Team GB won their first and second gold medals at the Olympics. First was in the women's double sculls rowing, which was nice. Second was the man of the moment, Tour de France winner, Bradley Wiggins in the men's time trial. He is good a cycling. Today's medal haul has boosted Team GB to 10th in the medal table as of when I had a shufti earlier. That is far more respectable.