Human seive - Alex

I have decided that the most typically "Alex" way to start a blog is to tell you where I am, what I am doing and then to develop further parts of the story. So, I'm sitting in my study writing out a blog on the family desktop computer. I am sipping a cup of "americano coffee", made with an "Arpeggio" nespresso capsule. I am also snacking on ritz crackers, a sausage roll, barbecue pringles and digestive biscuits. Gosh that makes me sound fat. Anyway, with a title like that I guess I have some explaining to do. I have two holes in my arms. Two holes which I did not have when I woke up this morning. Although, you have no need to worry, I have just started my vaccination course in preparation for me going to Africa and saving the world. Now all I have to do is go back in one week, three weeks and then eight weeks to get even more holes put into my feeble excuse for arms. Oh, and I have three tablets to take over the course of seven days to make sure I don't get typhoid. Jolly, jolly times. I should probably do something funny now, seeing as the blog is some what void of humour.

Scrotum.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I feel better now, the balance of this post is now restored, the doom and gloom of impending certain death has been lifted because of a funny word. lol.

England Kit- Paddy

In the world of football, people are being annoyed. What is annoying people? This is annoying people. That is the new England National Football Team kit. More specifically, it is the 9th England kit in the last 15years. The others are here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Now, the issue here is that on average each of these England kits have lasted 1.666666666666666666667 years. Also each of these kits has been retailed at roughly £40. That equates to £360 in England kits, which is quite a lot of money if you are English and have a small (or not so small) boy (or girl) who wants to show that their support for the National Football team is completely up to date.
BRB a moment guys, it's dinner time!
Right back from dinner, I had ribs if you're interested.
So where was I? Ah yeah, now I'm not against having new kits for sports teams so frequently, or charging high prices for them, but they shouldn't be done together. Release a new kit every 5 years and charge £50 sure, or have one very season but only charge £20. Those both seem reasonable ideas. Boom, Paddy fixes everything once again.

Squash - Alex

Squish, squash. Today is Monday, and I'll go into more detail, today was squash Monday. A day where me and my Mexican amigo play squash until the lights turn out (after an hour of intense play). Today we managed to fit four games of squash into our pre-paid hour, I won all four of them. What some people call a clean sweep. That means in the history of squash Monday 9 individual bouts of squash have taken place and I have come out of each one victorious. I quite like squash, it's good fun. It presents an opportunity to hit things really hard and run about lots. Because I am like an overly energetic toddler this plays to my strengths, and as 9/9 wins suggests I am not too shabby at it. Now are you ready to see something amazing?

PARAGRAPH! YOU GOT YOU LAPTOP FIXED?!?!?! No :( YOU GOT A NEW LAPTOP?!?!?! No :( I just did a blog on the family desktop, because my sister was on the iPad, probably looking at porn or something. That's what teenage girls get up to nowadays right? It's just so hard to keep up with these things. Right, I'll speak to you saucy little foxes and foxettes on Wednesday? It's a date.

Ps. February has been Alexnpaddy's lowest viewed month in the past 3 months, I know it isn't quite over but there are no excuses on your part. Spread the love please, it'll benefit you in the long run.

My weekend- Paddy

I have had a very busy weekend. 

My weekend started at 8pm on Friday when I had to go to work. Work was hosting the reception for a wedding, so there were a lot of very drunk 20-50 year olds, doing shots and drinking many an alcoholic beverage. Last orders was called on the wedding reception at 1am. The last guest finished their drink and left at 1.45am. I finished work at 2am.

On Saturday, I had to awaken myself at 9.00am because I had to go and visit a university in Loughborough. I arrived there at 12.30ish and had some talks and tours. It was too big, and I didn't like it as much as my other choices, but it was still a nice uni. At 4pm we (my mother and I), left Loughborough and headed home again. We arrived home again at 7pm. 

At 8pm I had work again. Work was hosting a 21st birthday party, so there were a lot of very drunk 20-50 year olds, doing shots and drinking many an alcoholic beverage. Last orders was called on the party at 12am. The last guest finished their drink and left at 12.30am. I finished work at 1am.

This morning, I woke up at 11am. I had work (for the 3rd time this weekend) at 12pm. We did not have any special events in, but it was still quite busy and I left at 5.30pm. Since then I have eaten dinner and watched the Carling Cup final. Liverpool won :(

Now, I am going to relax and/or do some college work. BYE!

Talent - Alex

As I lay back on my sofa watching the televisual delight that is "Leon Britton's got talent" I once again realise that I have no talent. It got me thinking, if I could have any talent what talent would I have? Now there's the obvious talents that would bring immense success, formula one racing or investment banking would be two of the more financially rewarding talents to have. But I thought "how mainstream is it just wanting talents to make money?", and as all of my friends know' I am so anti-mainstream it's killer (I'm being sarcastic too). This lead me on to think about what less money making talents I would like. Here are the talents I thought of and a reason for each... Parkour - I like to think it's pretty obvious why i'd like to be able to do parkour, it's just so ruddy snazzy! Popping your eyes out of your head - no party would ever be boring again, I'd be entertaining all night long, I might alienate a few people though. Dancing - I'm good at dancing already, that's a fact. However I would LOVE to be Chris & Wes good at dancing, they got their own telly show because they are good at dancing. I want my own telly show, although I imagine this blog will have to significantly swell in popularity before I'm in a position to get one. Comedy - I would love hundreds of clips of me doing stand up comedy to fill YouTube up. I want sell out stadium tours across the whole world. Plus, I'd be able to get my own telly show too. Finally? FIFA - ksiolajidebt has done well out of being good at playing FIFA and combining that with being good at doing stuff that makes people laugh. Sadly I am talentless, worthless sack of air wasting rubishness.

One year- Paddy

This time last year it was the 24th February 2011. There may not seem anything special about that date, but there is. For you see, 365 days and 342 posts (including this one) ago Alex'n'Paddy was born. Yes, that's right,  today is the first birthday of alexnpaddy.blogspot.com. Alex and I would like to thank you for looking at our blog and we'd also like to thank ourselves, because we are mildly egotistical, and neither of us thought we would have the dedication to continue our every other day blogging routine.
I shall now share with you some facts about AlexnPaddy, because this is a significan moment in our history, and I feel you the readers should know them. In one year we have had 9,013 page views. That is equivalent to 24.69 views per day, or 26.43 views per post (not including this one). Our largest fan bases are, in order from largest to smallest: the UK, the USA, Russia, Sweden and Germany. The highest viewed blog is my entry on the FIFA 12 apology rules with 289 views as of writing. In regards to comments, we have had 27 in total, over the whole year and over all our posts.
That is enough stats for you to get a nice view of how our blog is progressing one year on. Thanks again for sticking with us, I hope you're still about next year.

Drawn out chaos - Alex

My laptop is still broken. Grrr. For that reason this post will not feature any paragraphs, much like my last blog and at the rate things seem to be going nor will my next post. I should be able to cope though, seeing as I'm hardly renown for my use of paragraphs anyway. If I had to say so (which I do), I'd even go as far as too call myself awful at paragraph use. That's one of my four main weaknesses in terms of use of written English; I can't use paragraphs well; I use far too many commas, far, far, far,,,,,,,, too many; I don't understand how; to use a semi colon properly and, finally, I, have, a habit; of using the same words a lot in a small space of time. If I get a word in my head I decide to use it (often wrongly) a huge amount. THIS IS WHERE I WOULD USE A NEW PARAGRAPH. Today me and my family got a new coffee machine. It's "limousine black" and looks awfully snazzy. It made me a delicious latte (not all by itself, the technology isn't that good), it was really tasty and sumptuously frothy. This blog is going to get finished now, I will do a nice long blog when I get my laptop back. LOTS OF LINES LOWER. Ps I used brackets loads in this blog, I told you I get carried away with certain things. I didn't lie!

Procrastination.

Procrastination is something that I am a master of. There are not many activities in which I have mastery, but procrastinating is one on which I think I am pretty close to achieving it. In fact, I am procrastinating right now, as I type. If I'm honest what I'm typing is my procrastination. I currently have some politics work to do, its due on Friday, but I feel I should get it out of the way, especially since I got some more work to do today. However, instead of doing the politics as soon as I got in, I decided I would take a short break and watch Scrubs. I watched Scrubs, and then I noticed that Modern Family was on. I watched Modern Family, and that was followed by The Middle. So I watched The Middle. I then turned on my laptop to do my work, but first I went on Cracked.com and read about 7 Species That Got Screwed Over By Mother Nature. Once I finished reading that, I thought I'll just check how many views the ol' blog has today (26 so far). I then thought I may as well do my blog for today, because I have to do it at some point, and I'm already logged in and so... Well obviously I started to write this blog and procrastinating. And now I have finished it, so I will now go and finally get crack-a-lackin' on that politics work.

Chaos - Alex

AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH. That's what I feel like saying loudly. It is my typical "get into bed and switch on classic FM" time, yet here I am only just beginning my blog. Why is this? Well technology has decided to repay my loyalty and love to it my kicking me in the head, figuratively of course. My laptop packed up last night and even after spending an hour trying to coerce it back into functioning as normal it still just says "HA! BROKEN LAPTOP!" whenever I attempt to start it up. So as a result I'm in my bed on my mums iPad typing out this blog (in which I can't use paragraphs because apple seem not to want to cooperate with blogger). It's stressful and upsetting. So how was my day? That's a sensible conversation topic. It was alright, thanks for asking. I didn't get up to anything too out of the ordinary, a bit of college work here, a lot more college work there. Since I got in from college I've done physics homework, maths homework and then just crashing. Like a 1990s desktop computer, one the size of the empire states building that sounds like a jet engine taking off whenever it is switched on. That's all you're getting for now, my phone is ringing and Paddy (remember my cute nickname for the iPad) needs some juice. Nanight!

Gossip- Paddy

Today I heard some delicious gossip. However, due to its intimate nature and disturbing content, and the rather public nature of this internet based blog (as opposed to a non-internet based one) I do not feel it would be appropriate to share it with you.
Why mention it then? I am almost 73% certain that at least some of you are asking why I even mentioned that I had gossip, if I could not then impart that gossip to you in the style of that TV show that my sister used to watch, but that I never ever watched, apart from to see all the quite pretty ladies. Well, I had an entirely average day that was wholly dominated by that news, so I was left with nothing else about which to blog. The gossip in question did get me in trouble with some of my friends, however. You see, at the time I find out about this, it was fairly secret. Unfortunately, I may have let the news slip to several other people, one of whom was Alex, who then told a couple more people. Also due to the nature of the "Goss", many jokes were made, leading to some of the friends of the friend involved in the gossip getting upset at me and my fellow joke-makers.
So there's a blog, entirely about gossip that hasn't actually revealed the gossip itself. Its like the super-injunction thing on twitter, but less interesting.

Burp day - Alex

Hello, good afternoon reader. Today is the 19th day of the 2nd month of this year. To over 99.9% of the worlds population this date has no significance. Despite that today is supposedly important to me, today is my birthday. I spent the morning in bed tweaking my history coursework and then watched four episodes of "Four in a Bed". Never heard of it? That's because it's a truly awful television show; like "Come Dine With Me" but many multiples of ten worse. So it's fair to say that I haven't had the most special birthday so far, but I did have a bath instead of my normal shower. But even that's just because the shower was being cleaned so I was told it was all but off limits.

I am going to a public house later on though, and I'm looking forward to it because it presents me with an opportunity to legally purchase alcohol for the first time. I shall probably be having  a couple of pints of beer and wash that down with a whole lot of laughter with my good friends. Sadly it isn't just my best friends I am spending time with, unfortunately Paddy is also coming too.

Only joking, I love Paddy. I love him like you would love a twin brother. A twin brother who you don't share DNA or a birthday with.

Once more unto London- Paddy

You may remember this blog, in which I went to London. You may also remember this blog, in which I returned to London for a disappointing sequel. Well, now London is back to complete the trilogy and its better than ever.
Yesterday, I went to London with my family. Because we are middle class, it was decided that we would go to see the Tower of London. The Tower of London is famous for two things:
1) Being the home to the Crown Jewels. Seeing the Jewels was surprisingly interesting and it showed that Britain's royal family is all about the ba-bling, ba-bling, as Jessie J would say.
2) Being home to to 7 ravens. Why ravens? I'm not really sure why there are ravens at the tower, but according to legend if all 7 ravens ever leave the tower Britain will be invaded, and I don't want to take the risk in that myth coming true.

Having spent long enough at the Tower to see these 2 things, my family and I headed towards Covent Garden to eat dinner at a restaurant called Maxwell's. It is very nice, I had ribs AND chicken! Thats like two different meals combined into one! I also had a Lynchburg Lemonade, which is like normal lemonade, but more alcoholic.

This trip to London was much better than part two, similar to how Last Crusade is better than Temple of Doom.

Celebratory FIFA - Alex

I am writing this blog with hands that smell like lavender and chamomile. Whilst you lot (our blog readers in general) have been slacking off and deciding not to read our blog I've been doing some serious work. As a matter of fact I just finished re-writing the part B of my history coursework, so as a means of celebration I decided to go to the toilet and then play some FIFA. What else would a happy teenage boy do? I sure hope you didn't suggest anything crass there. Anyway, back to the blog. I decided that resubmission was required as a C was somewhat lower than I was hoping for in my coursework, I was aiming for at least a B. B for boobies. This lead me to take advantage of the slightly lenient resubmission policy, which allows me to resubmit both pieces of my work and therefore having taken a fresh look at my old essays I can make the necessary amendments.

And just as a little side note, I am awful at FIFA and have this habit of missing penalties and conceding stupid, stupid, stupid goals. FIFA makes me sad a lot because I'm crap.

Only 151- Paddy

Today Alex and I, met at a mutual friend's house so that we may work on our various history courseworks, the first drafts of which were each below our own high standards. The aim of this event as that the other two may be able to point out the flaws and potential improvements that we my not have spotted within our own work. For the first hour and a half or so this went well, I myself added roughly 50 words to my piece. That may not sound like a lot, but I had to work within the limits of my word count, and without changing my line of argument too drastically.
However, we then got peckish and ordered pizza and steadily our attention spans shortened. For whatever reason we became embroiled, the three of us, in a fairly in depth conversation about Pokemon. Now, I'm sure you are all aware of Pokemon, and depending on how old you, you probably have an opinion on how many Pokemon there are. Alex and I are of the original generation of Pokemon, so we believe there are only 151, from Bulbasaur to Mew. (On a slight tangent, why is Mewtwo number 150, but Mew, who it was cloned from 151). Our other friend continued to play slightly later into his life, so he is of the opinion that there are 251 species, all the way up to Celebi, whatever the hell that is. Anyway, the point I'm making is, there are only 151 Pokemon, all others don't count. This image expresses my sentiment exactly (apart from the poor spelling).

Ladies love - Alex

To call me a ladies man is like calling Robin Van Persie bad at football (or Wilt Chamberlain bad at womanising), it is just a complete blatant lie. However I did get a Valentines card yesterday, which is a nice thing to happen. Although, it was just from my friend, as opposed to a sexy lady looking for a grindin' buddy. None the less, it is a sign that one female isn't entirely repulsed by the thought of making me happy. Now for piece of evidence two in support of Alex being a woman pleasin', babe serenadin' big timer...

Today a girl spoke to me. I know it seems far fetched, I know you're struggling to believe me, but it is true. A female (6/10 at a push) decided, of her own free will, that I was worth chatting to. The scenario? I was at the University of Essex open day and whilst we were sat in a room, awkwardly silent, she asked me what other universities I had applied to. Conclusion for today? WOMEN CRAVE THE POINTMEISTER.

Valentines- Paddy

Today is February 14th and that means that it is Valentine's Day. It is a day for sending cards and gifts and going on dates with your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband/significant other/partner. However, for me and Alex, Valentine's day does not involve any of this. We are both most definitely single and so we do not have to buy cards or gifts or go on dates with our girlfriends, because our girlfriends aren't real. Instead today I have done absolutely nothing of note. I woke up at 12.45pm, and went downstairs. Since then I have sat on my sofa in a hoody and some trackies and watched roughly 5 episodes of hit american sitcom Modern Family. Later though I shall be getting involved in the Valentine's spirit! I have to go to work this evening to wait on the various couples who have booked into the restaurant to celebrate their love. Usually, I do not work on tuesday evenings, but of the members of staff at the pub, I am the only one who is single and therefore the only one who was available to work tonight. Can't complain though, it means I get some extra dollar in my pocket.
Well' I'm going to eat doritos and watch top gear now. Happy Valentine's Day Readers.

Fine line - Alex

"There is a fine line in between breaking the law and bending the rules for fun" - Alex Pointon, 2012

There is a reason I said that, and it involves hatchets and throwing knives. You see I have had a hatchet for over a year now, my tall friend got it for me as a Christmas present. Paddy recently joined this hype, his weapon of mass destruction cost him lest than a cooked breakfast would! We decided that it was a mature thing to do to wander deep into the woods, where there was no risk of stray dog walkers peeking in on us, and pelt our hatchets at thick trees. Occasionally they stuck, more often than now they just whacked the tree at a seemingly impossible angle and ricochet a frustrating walk away. There is room for improvement, and hopefully that room will be filled (by improvement, duh). We are even considering the purchase of some sort of target, you know, to sort of remove the illegality from the sport. So if you're a manufacturer of huge targets in the UK, get on to me!

Half term- Paddy

Hullo internet. I don't have college tomorrow, or the next day, or Wednesday, or Thursday. Actually, now I think about it, I don't have college on Friday either. This is because the educational system in the UK is currently on half-term (or reading week as they call it at college). Over half term, I have been set mucho worko (ooh, look at me and my Spanish lingo) to do. Rather sensibly, I have set two days aside for doing work, Wednesday and Thursday, meaning I still have time to do all manner of fun things on the other days. For example, on Monday Alex, my tall friend, my Mexican friend, my complaining friend and I are congregating at at my tall friend's abode to book our "LADZ HOLIDAY 2K12". Actually, our complaining friend won't be there, but we are still booking and he will be coming on whatever holiday we do book. Also planned for the week ahead, I am going to London with my family because my sister will have briefly returned home from her place of higher education. We are going to go to the tower of London, because that's the type of middle class tourism we enjoy. I shall tell you all about that on Saturday though!

Here's one I made earlier - Alex

I shall pre-warn you now, this blog was written a day before it was published. If that makes me a cheat, then call me a cheat. Although before you make your cheeky assumptions, allow me to justify myself. I am not currently in a position where a blog could be written, in fact, I am hardly in a position where anything could be written. You see, if all goes well, this blog should be posted at the exact second the football match I am watching kicks off. Manchester United against Liverpool is the match in question, and it's fair to say that I was/am/will be (this time paradox has confused me) very excited. The reason I won't be able to rattle out a blog at all on Saturday is because, like all Manchester United fans, I am from the south of England. Consequently this means that I have to do lots of driving to get to the match, leaving at about 6 in the morning in fact, so all morning I will be driving. I don't think I could have hammered out a decent blog on the M6... And after the game I would only be able to blog on my phone, which would no doubt run down the battery and leave me stranded in the North with just my Mexican friend for company. I now have to go and pack, but by the time you have read this I will have unpacked at the other end of the travelling. Crazy.

Snow- Paddy

It snowed here in England recently, last night in fact. As it snowed down last night, I had a happy thought; "What if tomorrow college is cancelled?!" This thought excited me, and in my head, I planned to go sledding down a near by hill on my sled, in the snow. I was very excited for this. However, at about 2.30am the snow stopped snowing, leaving a mere couple of inches on the floor outside. Unfortunately, this slight covering could not last the pace until morning time and had degraded into a slush. This meant I could not go sledding down the nearby hill, as I had planned, and instead had to go into college, like a normal, if chilly day. Unfortunately, college is home to a large number of immature human males, and this meant, that despite the poor quality of the snow at this point, many snowballs were thrown at break and lunch times. I myself did not partake in such activity, but I did receive a blow to the back of the head from an anonymously thrown snowball. It was cold and it dripped down the back of my neck, but I did not react to it. I am more man than that, and even if I wasn't reacting to a thrown snowball is not the done thing. It just would not do.

Snuffly - Alex

I've blogged about being viciously ill before, Pat's moaned about a horrendous cold in the past. Right now I have no such affliction, I just have a mild cold. My nose is a tad runny, my throat hurts just a tiny amount and I get a bit warm at times, a bit cool at others. I assure it's nothing to worry about, two cold and flu tablets and I'm right as rain. So if I'm basically fine why am I talking about it? Because I'm nowhere near as interesting as Paddy is and hence I have to milk blog out of whatever I can.

Due to this whole having to tell you about everything that happens to me, I will go on to tell you about the most amazing thing that has happened to me since I posted my last blog. On Sunday I ordered a coat for my birthday, it was £27. If I spent over £30 I got free delivery, saving me £4. My logic was to whack the cheapest thing I could find into the virtual basket and Robert was my mothers brother. Socks, socks were the cheapest available item. Swish, I have feet and plan to keep them for the rest of my life, for that reason I aim to keep wearing socks in most scenarios*. They were stripy and colourful, standard. Now for the truly amazing thing, when the coat and socks were delivered... Get ready for this... THE SOCKS WERE IN A BOX!!!! Socks, in a box. Who'd have thought it? That's how boring my life is. Although, a 7 year old did compliment the socks today!

*Not in the bath, on the beach, when showing off blisters or in bed to mention but some occasions when I wouldn't wear socks.

A distinct lack of content- Paddy

"To the BLOG!" That is what I cried but a handful of minutes ago. I checked upon our blog to see if Alex had done his post for the day. Imagine my surprise when I saw that it was in fact my day to post and then how this surprise turned to concern when I realised I had nothing to blog about! I was greatly concerned as I'm sure you can picture, but nevertheless I shall power forward with what shall probably be a substandard blog in all honesty. It'll probably (and by probably I mean definitely) just be a long stream of sentences about nothing in particular and about how my blog is about nothing in particular. It is at this point in the blog I realise that I have run out of things to say about how this blog is not going to have any actual content, and I am only about two-thirds into the white box I have to fill before I can deem this blog (almost) worthy of posting. It took me over 3 minutes between finishing that last sentence to decide what to write for this one. I only decided upon writing that last sentence because otherwise I would have had to end the blog there, and I already told you that wouldn't be long enough. LAST LINE! At the end of this sentence I will be done, see you on Friday!

Round 2 - Alex

There is only one logical thing for me to blog about this morning. Way back when I blogged about it, yesterday Patrick mentioned it and hence the worst human being I have ever encountered gets yet another post about him on the hottest blog on the Internet. I am, of course, talking about the goalkeeper for M.S.A. Last night he was up to his typical immature antics, and it peeved me right off. Excluding serious political leaders and Justin Bieber I can think of no-one I would rather punch square in between the eyes than the antagonist in question.

What was the bearded b*****d up to this time? There are two answers to that question, a short answer and a long answer. Short answer first: being an absolutely massive (insert strong word, I would recommend the c word). Now for the long answer... Once again he decided that he wasn't a fan of people trying to take the ball off of him, however he was even moaning when we tried to tackle him OUTSIDE of his area, you know, so in the bit of the pitch where everyone is allowed to be... Of course he served up a healthy selection of time wasting too, I guess that's like his trademark. The thing that annoyed me the most, the one act of yobbery which took it too far, was tackling me in an awfully ferocious manner. So much so that my knee cap popped out and back in. For me it's particularly worrying, because I have dislocated my patella before. I'll slip a picture of it at it's worst next to a normal (sensibly located) knee. But back to the most recent injury, I spent 25 minutes in bed with an ice pack on it, struggling to get comfortable. When I did eventually doze off (some time between 12 and 1) I woke up whenever I bumped it, so I've had an unsatisfactory nights sleep.

And I wanted this blog to be a nice one about some pleasant time I spent in the steam room yesterday.

Bullets- Paddy

• You recall the list of work I had to do, well today I did a piece of my coursework. This morning it was 100% unwritten, but as of 1 minute ago (at the time of writing) I had completed a full first draft with diagrams and footnotes and everything. I also managed to have a sentence 159 words long, but that is OK, because I semi-coloned the buhzeejuses out of it to break it up into manageable clauses. Also in my coursework, I managed to get both Independence Day (the film, not the American holiday) and Star Trek mentioned. That wasn't it as hard as it sounds though, it was a piece of physics coursework about aliens and interstellar travel. If anything they were good examples for my piece to build upon. 
• Moving swiftly onward from the topic of physics, tonight is, as you all well know, football night. But tonight's football is not being kicked off until the oh so stupidly late time of 10.30pm. On a school night! That means I will not be ready for bed until roughly 11.30 which is a silly time. Fortunately, I have first period off tomorrow, so I can at least cobble together some sort of a lie-in. Unfortunately, tonight's football is against a team with whom the Young Boys have a torrid past. Alex blogged about our previous encounters with them in a blog I can't be bothered to link to but was called something like "With great age...". Anyway, the goalie is a massive ******* ****** ****  **** *****, who threatened to punch me. 
• Also this blog has formatted its self onto bullet points, and clicking the non bullet points button won't fix it. I hope this issue will be resolved by my next blog on Wednesday...

My hero - Alex

Last night I went to a party. It was a party blighted by poor attendance, and that is due to a light sprinkling of white stuff. No, not cocaine, I don't do that anymore, at this party it was snow that caused the chaos. Getting to the party was absolutely fine, the issue came when getting home was thought about. We decided against a taxi, because it was a recipe for being ripped off, but we didn't know what we were actually going to do. Last time I walked home from somewhere slightly closer than last nights venue it took me and two friends a solid 90 minutes. Snow would only add time to that, things were looking desperate...

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
The hero who swooped in to save the day last night? None other than the particularly trim looking Paddy Milnes. He braved the elements and came to the party after work, he didn't party his little face off in quite the same way I did, but he partied none the less. And then he showed off his super power! Driving on medium amounts of snow in a small engined front wheel drive car. Patrick drove a car full of people, heroically, for 30 minutes to the nearest Tesco. It took so long not only because of the snow but also we stopped every now and again to save stranded cars from wheel spinning and fruitless revving. For this I told him that he made up for letting me down and not playing Fifa with me one time. For this reason we were trying to get #dangerbasedredemption trending on twitter, but it was always unlikely because we have 55 followers... So help us and and use our hashtag? Or just keep reading our blog daily!

Bare Work- Paddy

Before I get started let me just clear one thing up, the picture in the anonymous guest blog is somewhat misleading. This photograph has been caught at the exact moment I decided to humour a drunken older woman and give her the briefest of pecks on the lips. That is all! No more than that! I just wanted to get that out there onto the internet as soon as possible, which is why I have set this to post at 00:00 on Saturday morning.
Right, now that's cleared that up, I will move onto my actual blog, which today is going to be about the high amounts of work I have been set to do in the coming week. Over the next week I have to:

• Complete, mark and correct 3 pieces of Physics homework
• Write a first draft of my Physics coursework on travelling to planets likely to have life on them
• Do several slides of a PowerPoint presentation on Full Step Stepper Motors
• Write a history essay and then type up and improved second draft
• Take notes on 3 pages of my text book on post World War 1 Germany
• Re-do my History coursework on Tanks as my first attempt was not good enough.

That is in total roughly 6-7 hours of work to be completed, which is another reason I am blogging now. I'm not sure I'd have time to squeeze one out tomorrow between college work and actual work. And that is your lot for this blog. I'll see you on the next Monday from today.

Patrick isn't desperate but... - Guest blogger - Anon

This isn't alex or paddy, actually don't think that pat knows this is going to happen...so I apologise in advance!

You know every story has a picture? Well...

This is pat. This is also someone's auntie.

 The age gap is 46 years I think? But we always knew that pat likes the older women!
He originally tried to untag this beauty from Facebook, and when ask why he appeared embarrassed, not sure why though? I think he might have been sad as there was a rumour she was kissing other males at the party!!
But he does have "come to bed eyes" which he has bragged numerous times about! This direct quote from the lady herself is about our gentleman Patrick. I'm pretty sure this is the line that won him over to the most passionate of tonsil tennis!

Now the story behind the photo, I'll set the scene.. A typical 18th birthday with plenty of booty shaking and liquor sipping, so you may be relating to poor Pat here, thinking he can't be blamed for letting the ol' beer goggles getting the better of him, yet it is public knowledge that Pat was working before the party and was in fact stone cold sober!!!!! This was because he was nominated driver for all the other drunk yobs - including Alex. I'm not sure if this is justification but it certainly proves that Pat is down for anything ladies ;)

Lots of love mystery guest blogger xxxxxx

30 degrees - Alex

Summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer. What time is it? Summertime. It's our vacation! What time is it? Party time! That's right, say it loud!

What time is it? The time of our lives! Anticipation. What time is it? Summertime! School's out, scream and shout!

It isn't summertime, as much as watching high school musical videos on youtube makes me feel warmer. Right now it is cold, dark and my life is sadly dictated by college. It is for these reasons, as well as the fact that I am a raging alcoholic*, I cannot wait until summer. Right now I have the most dreamy sounding day planned out in my head, I feel like a woman for telling you about what I want.

Right, so I wake up at 6:30 in the morning after a nice restful slumber, I open my curtains to see the sun shining into my bedroom and my ears are met by gentle bird song. At this point I have a quick cup of coffee and then whack on a pair of trainers, some shorts and a t-shirt. At about 6:50 I step out into the surprisingly warm early morning sunshine and embark on a lovely run around the huge woods near my house. After working up a bit of a sweat I'd get home at about 8:00 and wash my smelly bits. My bits do have a habit of getting awfully smelly. A bacon butty (summer time isn't normally associated with hot breakfast, but bacon is associated with EVERYTHING). Breakfast and shower done by 9:00, FIFA takes me up to about 11:00. This is when me and more than one of my male friends gather in anyone's back garden (not just anyone, I reckon we'd have to know the person) and crack open a few cold beers, get some meat above some fire and let the good times roll. Obviously we would stay there until late at night. Obviously... And then I would return home to make love to Scarlett Johansson for many hours until she fell asleep in my hunky arms.

That, right now, is the most appealing thing I can thing of. And I know EXACTLY what you are thinking, one of the things I said will never, ever happen. But I beg to differ... I reckon I will wake up before 7:00 some days! You see, that's funny because you were expecting me to say that I was never, ever going to make love to Scarlett Johansson, so when I said it was actually about waking up early you were surprised to the point of laughter.

*As someone who is under 18, I count vimto and water as alcohol.

Frostbitten- Paddy

Today was effing freezing outside. The temperature gauge suggested that the actual temperature was a toasty 2.2 degrees in the Celsius scale, but felt like -2.7 degrees with the wind chill factor added on. -2.7! That is only 270.3 degrees about absolute zero, which is the coldest anything can be, apart from my dad's heart when he looks into my eyes and I see the disgust in them that I'm not the son he wished I was. Sorry, I may have slipped off topic there. What I mean to say was that today was really cold. I think I may have got frostbite on my ears on the very short walk to college, and then got more frostbite on other parts of my face during the equally brief walk home. In fact, there is no thinking about it, its too cold for that, and I'm certain that I am now lacking several parts of body. Parts that will no be lying cold and black in the street outside. Speaking of frostbite, I actually genuinely did get it once. On my elbow it was. Not as weird as it sounds, I had a wart there, and me and my a couple of my friends tried to freeze it off with some liquid nitrogen we got from a chemist. However, we did it wrong and the -40 Celsius nitrogen left me with frostbite on my elbow, which went black and dropped off. Not my whole elbow by the way, just a small circle of skin. Now I shall depart with that lovely image in your head., my dead skin, slowly peeling off my warty elbow. Enjoy.