Taking on the seasons - Alex

Come on winter, hit me with your best shot. With a coat in the post on the way to me the every day chills will be so 2010/11 winter. As well as that I got four vests today, primark basics; ready to slapped on underneath a casual tee or, if I'm feeling uber swanky, a proper shirt. Two white, one grey and then one black. That takes my total vest count up to 5, my first vest was given to me by Daniel Cook. What I'm really hoping for is snow, then I'll be able to really show off. Waterproof walking boots, water proof trousers and a decent quality warm waterproof rain coat will leave me dry and warm whilst my fellow frolicking teens will be left cursing their lack of mountain climbing expeditions requiring decent amounts of kit. Mark my words.

You know what happens in winter? It's Christmas. Despite being a firm Atheist I still celebrate Christmas, and that's because I don't really need an excuse to have two weeks off from college, eat loads of junk food and laze around the house. There have been loads of lists in this blog, so here's one final list...

Gracias por leer, adiós por ahora
أشكركم على القراءة، وداعا الآن
J'aime la musique pop, en particulier celle des années quatre-vingt

Beavers- Paddy

OVER 1000! That is how many views alex'n'paddy has got so far this month! 1,015 to this moment in time. This is nice, it shows continued increases in the number of page views per month and that leads to a good feeling in my tummy. It also means that November has recorded almost 1/5 of our total views, which now total 5,247. Thanks for looking at this that many times.

Moving on to the main section of this blog, I shall now write about... I'm not sure actually, I hadn't come into today's blog with a pre-planned topic. Oh I have one! Yesterday, at football, the (formely Hufflepuff) Young Boys did not lose! We drew a game 2-2 with 2nd in the league no less. Get us and our not being entirely awful at football for once. Our goals were scored by Will and by virtue of a calamitous own goal deflected off of one of the opposing defender's buttocks. The other team did not enjoy the game as much as we did obviously and got quite frustrated with the whole scenario. The scenario being them having wave after wave of attack and us, to quote Chris Kamara, "fighting like beavers"to defend our goal.

Thats me all done for today, I'll be back with you, my esteemed readers, on Thursday.

Maverick - Alex

I just spent 15 minutes evading the police with nothing but a pistol and a scooter. Be in real life this is not, virtual reality is where it's at. Saints Row: The Third as a matter of fact. I decided to take a break from the traditional gang overlord things to do such as finding crates of sex dolls and or blowing up boats. It was fun, sometimes it's just nice to go back to your crime roots and have a little muck about with law enforcement. Virtually of course, I would never advocate crime. In Saints Row all sorts of crimes are made fun; insurance fraud is glorified, killing people is glamorised and best of all nitrous is at the heart of all things swaggerous.

Carrying on with the maverick theme, tonight I have football, and I aim to wreak all sorts of havoc. Expect broken legs, bloodied noses and shattered hopes. The broken leg is probably going to be Patrick's though, his legs are roughly as thick as an average piece of twine. The bloodied nose? Probably Pat again, he tends to be the player who's tossed about more than his fair share. Finally, and most predictably, the shattered hopes are sure to be those of Young Boys. On that sombre note I shall leave you to enjoy the rest of your day. Mwah.

Pub Quiz- Paddy

Diet Coked Up. That was drug/soft drink pun based name of the pub quiz team that my Father, my Mother, my Sibling and myself formed but 3 hours ago for the inaugral quiz at the pub in which I work. It was a good quiz, nicely challenging and, rather nicely, Diet Coked Up finished in an impressive 2nd place with 71 points out of 100, losing out only on a tie-breaker. What type of person knows that a piece of A10 sized paper is only 26mm wide? Answer: none of my family, which is why we lost out. We did, however, get a bottle of wine as a reward for our efforts, but, unfortunately, Vikki is the only member of our family who likes wine.
In entirely unrelated and somewhat less exciting news, I noticed earlier a small red spot forming on my cheek. I gave it a prod to see if it was in any way squeezable but alas it was not. Unfortunately, my prodding has caused it to throb rather painfully since then. This is now causing me further issues as due to the throbbing, I keep reaching up and touching it, causing it to throb yet further. Tis a most upsetting scenario. For me at least, I'm not sure any of you really care.
I am going to go now, because I can't bare to bore you any further with facts about the condition of my facial skin.

Perpetually - Alex

Perpetual means to continue or to endure forever. I have a situations very similar to this in my life at this time of year. Leaves in the back garden! With Autumn (Fall) beginning to fade into winter the beautiful silver birches (they aren't that beautiful, I mean, they are just trees) have shed all of their leaves. They let you know that soon their leaves will be falling quicker than a whores underwear by beginning to display a yellowy tinge on their leaves. Once you see that you know what's coming, a leaf shower 24/7. My problem is that I am the man tasked with clearing the leaves from the back garden. It's soul destroying to spend 2 hours clearing up a carpet of leaves, and then to wake up the next morning, look out of the window, and see that the lawn is once again covered by a sea of orange and brown leaves. This got me thinking, lots of things in my life are never ending. The struggle to stay on top of college work is a good example. Just as I thought I'd got the better of my weeks work yesterday my History teacher uttered the dreadful phrase "It's time for homework setting time, and this week there's tonnes". Or at least something to that effect. Another perfect example would be keeping up with fashion. Just as I think "right, I've got this fashion thing down, bring on the ladies" something bizarre happens. Should I just give up and become a fashion outcast (people still like Patrick, after all) or should I continually be one step behind? It's a never ending duel with trying to adapt trends to myself without looking like a twazzock.

The final think that I'm hoping endures forever is you reading alexnpaddy (the best blog on the web). By that I don't mean that I want it to feel like forever to you when you read a blog, oh no, that would imply that you don't enjoy the blog. Instead, I want you to read the blog every day for the rest of eternity and keep bringing fans into our seemingly ever swelling fan base. And whilst I said you've gotta read it for the rest of eternity, I'd probably let you off if your broadband went down or you died. But they are the only two get out clauses, beyond that you are a committed fan.

Straight outta compton - Guest blogger - Daniel

Yes that’s right. It’s me, Dan Cook. A legendary entity among this blog, neither seen nor heard but ultimately omnipotent and benevolent. These were whispers among the fanbase rippling “Who would be next” as people were reduced to shivering primeval wrecks in anticipation for the next post. “When would it come?”, “Who could it be?” ; the anticipation was said to have been fatal in some cases, with a death count equalling or even surpassing the great Swine Flu pandemic [results pending].

Many of you have wondered what I do with my spare time, and since my documentary isn’t due to come out until 2013 I thought I’d give you a sneak peek. Skyrim admittedly has been a large portion of my life recently, minor mortal functions such as breathing and eating have taken a back seat, my body relying only on the atmosphere and beauty of the Tamrialin province. Attached is a picture of my character, Conan. He’s a Nord. He specialises in two handed weapons and light armour, and is an unparalleled fighter unmatched in battle.

Then there’s my secondary, Dick-ass thief. Dick-ass thief specialises in Stealth, archery and destruction magic. Dick-ass thief was a setback to the Broquest character ‘Dick-ass Thief’, who is sort of a jerk. Long story short my character runs about shooting children, punching horses, punting rabbits across mountains with overpowered flame spells and generally harassing the occupants of Skyrim. And you know what?

He’s so much more OP then my Conan build. 30x more damage with one handed weapons when sneaking, x6 damage with bows and enough traps to screw over an entire garrison of guards.

Sort it out, Bethesda.

de Hair- Paddy

This chap is David de Gea. He is, according to wikipedia, a Spanish footballer who plays for Manchester United as a goalkeeper. He is also, according to Alex and I, the owner of one of the best hairstlyes in football. I myself am currently considering getting my hair cut in such a way that, if styled using a matte wax, it would look not dissimilar to the mighty quiff of de Gea. In fact, today at lunch Alex armed himself with a can of hairspray and tried to style my hair into a quiff. It failed. It was too long so I ended up looking less like de Gea and more like this:

 Also due to the length of my hair, the spray was not strong enough to maintain a fully vertical hold on the style and it drooped back down into its usual positioning on my face. However, all is not lost in the quest for me to get some quiffing good action going on! In exactly 1 week I shall be going to the place where your hair gets cut in exchange for payment and my currently long head of hair shall be snipped and combed and trimmed down into a far more style-able length. This will mean I can de Gea it up and will therefore suddenly become irresistable to members of the opposite sex. Especially those members of the opposite sex who have fetishes for quiffs or David de Gea.
I'm going to finish this blog now, leaving you with the knowledge that within a couple of days the notorious ******* will be the second guest blogger on Alex 'n' Paddy.


PS the title is a pun, de Gea is pronounced de Haya which sounds a tad like Hair. The blog is about de Gea's hair so I thought it'd be hilarious to do that. I was probably wrong.

PPS I did reveal the name of our guest initially, but Alex censored it to build anticipation for his/her post tomorrow. Be excited.

Passion breeds heart problems - Alex

The title, I should make clear, has no backing from the scientific community whatsoever. It is just something I thought of yesterday evening. I was watching the Manchester United game and oh my golly gosh, your heart takes a beating. I turn it on 15 minutes late to find that one of the best football teams in the world are already 1-0 down. My heart didn't like that, but the antidote was fairly swift in it's delivery. A decent performance and then an equaliser showed that we were certainly able of getting the result we expected, the result we were more than capable of getting. Fast forward half an hour and BOOM 2-1 to the United, surely it was plain sailing from there. Well guess what? 80 seconds later I was left with any hope crushed. I'm not exaggerating when I say that my  belief and confidence was drained from my body in an instant and replaced with anxiety. Heat thumping, nail biting and rocking too and fro anxiety. Poised on the edge of my sofa I watched the rest of the game unfold and nothing else happened. So to summarise I spent a good few hours of my life, probably took a day off of my life expectancy due to stress, and all for a frickin' two all draw with Benfica. Worth it? Well is THIS item of lingerie worth £249?

No. (My sister showed my that, I wasn't just randomly looking at womens underwear) It especially isn't worth it with christmas coming up, I need to spend my money on gifts. I've already got one of my female friends a shewee. I don't know why I felt the need to tell you it was a female I bought the shewee for, I think anyone could deduce that a female urination funnel is most likely to be purchased for a lady. If I did give it to a bloke for a christmas present I'd be a bit of a twonk. Actually, on that note, I would like a christmas present from you please. I give you the bi-daily pleasure of my witty, insightful and honest blogs so I think I deserve something back.

Dear Santa,
                  For christmas I would please like the readers of my blog to keep on reading for long into the future, because I quite like watching the little view counter go up week after week. It makes me feel like a super star.

Lots of love from

Alex P 

PCS- Paddy

When I get into college sometimes, I like to have a little nap. Why do I have a little nap? Because I'm lazy and it gives me a nice little break between going to college and getting cracking on my homework. The PCS (Post-College Snooze not Personal Careers Solutions) as I like to call it usually lasts from about 16.30 on a 24 hour clock to about 5.45pm on an ordinary clock, when my parents come in from college and tell me to get up. However, Tuesday is no ordinary day for me college wise. I do not finish at 16.15 as on a standard college day, on Tuesday I am usually home between 12.30pm and 3pm, depending on if I have tutorial or not. Today I did have it, but I was still home by half past 2. I decided that I would bring my PCS forward two hours but I did not bring the ending forward too! I had a cheeky 3 1/2 hour nap after college today. But enough about my laziness! Today I was reading the newspaper, and I saw this article. For those of you too lazy to read that, it basically says that all female celebrities with brown hair, brown eyes and lipstick on are clones of each other and asks why this is happening. I'm not sure this is worthy of a whole page in a newspaper that isn't the Sun. Why do lots of females have brown hair? Because they have little other choice, blonde or a more eccentric non-natural shade. As for brown eyes, I'm not sure there is an awful lot to do about that, what with it being genetic an' all.
I feel thats enough on this blog for today. I'll see you on the day called they call "Thursday".

Attraction - Alex

Whilst MSN are telling me how to instantly be more attractive I also had my own little style guru moment today. The lucky little guinea pig was none other than my co-blogger Patrick. His current hair style is a borderline neat way of having medium length hair. In fact, here's a picture...

Normally it's a little neater than that, just when the photo was taken he was a few hours into a party and therefore inebriated to a point where he did not care about the position of each of his hairs. What I did to our little chap was violently scruff up his hair. Firstly I did it to annoy him, but then I realised it made him look a little bit like a rock star. A little bit like THIS guy. Me and Pat then made a pact that if he received one compliment on his hair in the following 15 minutes he would keep it like that. And in due time he received a compliment, he was told that he looked "adorable". Maybe not quite the sort of compliment an edgy rock star would want but a compliment none the less. I'm hoping this rock star hair style will see him through until he next goes to the hair dressers and gets his hair lopped into a quiff friendly design. Yeah you read that right, a quiff. Like THIS. Maybe even slightly like the front man of THIS band. Basically Patrick wants to look cool and with my help I see that as a vaguely achievable target.

I am, without doubt, the epitome of teenage male swagger. That's a massive lie. I like a bargain and as a result I have lots of t-shirts, polo shirts and such despite not having spent a large sum on my whole wardrobe. Also I wouldn't say I follow trends either, for instance people seem to be wearing lots of "berry" colour trousers round my parts (I'm on about boys as well), I wouldn't ever get caught dead in a pair of purple trousers. Unless it was for a dare. Nor would I go out in a pair of boat shoes or tie the drawstrings on my hoodie together. So I'm borderline trendy (if I don't say so myself) and Patrick is a rising star, no small part down to inspired hair styles. Gok Wan, watch your job, I'm coming for it.

Shiny Knives- Paddy

Today, I had work. I had work because I am a man , and that is what men do. We work. (Incidentally, Alex doesn't work, just saying.) I personally work in a pub as a Barman-Waiter type deal. As jobs go, its not half-bad to do, its fairly simple and I only do short shifts which is pleasant. However, it can be a tad quiet sometimes, and the lack of customers to cerve means I have to find other chores to pass time. Yesterday, I polished cutlery for 45minutes. By the end of that time, we probably had the shiniest knives this side of Penzance. Why Penzance? Well, Penzance is the knife polishing capital of the world. I may have made that fact about Penzance up, but I'm sure they probably do have some pretty shiny cutlery.
You can't tell, but I just took a half hour break there in which I ate my dinner. My dinner was a  Toasted Pork Chop Sandwich. I'm sure you can all figure out what that consists of. No? Really? It was a pork chop, in a sandwich, which I then toasted. It was very tastey, if a little small. A lot of my dinners are quite small. This is because my mother is a tiny little human being and does not seem to understand that most normal sized people do not want to eat portions designed for someone the same height as the average Giant Panda.

Pressure & genetics - Alex

Here comes a serious blog. if you're looking for innocent anecdotes and childish observations then go elsewhere, because my plan to is write a piece of text so mature and sophisticated that if Stephen Fry were to read it he would be thoroughly impressed and endeavour to meet me. Just to help explain that last sentence, I see Stephen Fry as the epitome of intelligence and sophistication. Plus I imagine he's fairly well read and approaches any topic with no bias and a willingness to understand any point of view. Also this blog is in a different font to most of mine because I wrote it on word before copying it into blogger, because I really care about this one.

I am a currently a student at college; it is also that time where I get to send off my university applications. But that’s a topic for a completely different blog. Right now what I want to talk about is stress, or maybe stress is the wrong word. Pressure. It currently feels like there are great expectations on me to excel at college, go on to do a fantastic degree at university, then enter a job where I can work up to a senior position all before I hit middle agedness. These expectations are coming from left, right and centre. I admit that I do put a lot of pressure on myself, not because of insecurities or arrogance but because I know I have the potential to do brilliantly. As a small child I was adamant I would go to university, I could see no other way my life would work out. I knew I wouldn’t go to Oxford or Cambridge, but the tier of universities directly below the big two I saw as where I was “destined” to be. Fast forward to the end of my childhood and I was still aiming for a top university place. Now it seems much more likely that I end up with a place at a decent university. Decent as opposed to top; less than I would have hoped for. I cannot, however, complain; it is all my own doing. My adversity to hard work is what has caused me to be a lesser academic than I could have been.

This is where the genetics part of the title comes into play. I seem not to be able to motivate myself for any extended period of time. In my head I weigh up the pros and cons (mainly pros) of working hard, and then I get home and half heartedly revise for some time before giving up and playing on the xbox. It seems genetically ingrained in me that I look for the easiest route through life, if I’m brutally honest it’s what my Dad has done for many years. It seems to have rubbed off/been passed down to me. I hasten to add that I don’t always give up with revision and play xbox, there are days when I can get my head down and work hard for hours on end. The only problem is that these days are too scarce. I will also state that since joining college I do think my work ethic has improved no end, I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing homework on a weekend back when I was 15, in contrast I plan to spend a few hours today and a few hours tomorrow revising for my exams in January. Imagine that, me, out of free choice, revising for exams which aren’t even just around the corner. And on that note I’m going to make some breakfast and then re-learn the entirety of Russian history so that I do less rubbish in the exam and therefore hit the offer given to me by the universities of Exeter and Leicester.

Bond- Paddy

Today was Children In Need, and in order to aid this notable and charitable cause, my college had a Heroes and Villains themed day. This meant we were supposed to dress up in costumes as either a hero or villain to raise lots of money. I went as James Bond (the Pierce Brosnan one), who whilst not being a hero in the "super" sense of the word, is still pretty damn heroic. More heroic than the guy who dressed up as Scooby-Doo anyway. I was pleased with my costume, it was basically just a suit with a mask I'd made of Brosnan's face. I didn't wear the face all day due to it not fitting my face properly but as a consolation more than one female told me that my suit made them "wetter than a fish in a leaky submarine". I may have paraphrased that a tad, but thats what I inferred from their actual comments of "Thats a nice suit you have". Also today was Man-Free. Man-Free is a free that I and 3 other of my male friends have where we do manly things. We have bought beer and fireworks in the past, but today we ate ribs. Ribs are manly. The rib eating was made manlier today by the wearing of my James Bond suit because suits are also manly.
I am going to go now and watch Snatch, a 2000 crime film written and directed by British filmmaker Guy Ritchie, featuring an ensemble cast. At least thats what wikipedia says. All I know is it stars Jason Statham, and he is a god.

I know people - Alex

I know people, people who do all sorts of things. People who are destined to have wikipedia pages created for them, and about them, due to all sorts of success within an industry the public pay attention to.

One guy who used to be in my history class is the drummer in a band who make MUSIC. I'm all that certain he will one day be a minor pin up and therefore a D list celebrity. I am at the level of acquaintance with him that we nod at each other when we pass one another in the corridor. Once when using adjacent urinals we even had a little chat about our recently completed coursework.

Not content with just a rock star I also have a football player as a pal. Who am I mates with? Rooney? Ronaldo? Not quite, my buddy goes by the name of Sean Latimer. He plays for Torquay United's youth team and from my memory he can kick a ball at roughly the speed of light. Just in case you don't believe me here's a website that proves his existence. Yeah, my main man scoring in order to set up a tie with Manchester United. Bet you've heard of them! Me and Seany poo go back, I remember once he was left midfield and I was the right back in a proper league game, if memory serves he destroyed me. More recently than that I came to his rescue when a somewhat unattractive female (she was a frickin' troll) was trying to lock lips with him. To cut a long story short I interrupted a lot, he was very grateful. Because of that I reckon when he plays for England I can get some free world cup final tickets. Not that I'm being overly optimistic.

Last, but by no means least, apparently the third best female fencer in the country is in my maths class. I will concede that fencing is less glamorous than rock music or football, and I shall also admit that I have never held a full conversation with her, but I considered it relevant. So there you are, todays blog nailed. I hope you look forward to Patrick's blog tomorrow, respect.

Cold- Paddy

Today, was cold. I decided that today, instead of wearing a hoody, I'd wear my coat to college to keep me warmer. I made the wrong desicion. I should have worn both. That may just about have kept me warm today. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when it gets really cold though, probably add a scarf or hat to my ensemble to try and maintain a positive body temperature. I imagine you all think I'm being a bit of a wimp, it was only 8 celsius, and where you live I'm sure you routinely go out in temperatures of down to -23 degrees in flip flops and shorts. Well, in answer to your wimp-based accusations, I'm going to agree with you. I am a wimp, but you know what? I don't care! The cold is bad! When I come to power I'm going to outlaw temperatures below 15 degrees. Thats how much I hate the cold, I would be willing to battle to power of the seasons and the climate to prevent myself getting more than a little chilly. If I can't beat the seasons, I'll stop myself getting cold in other ways like doing everythig inside! Incidently, the lack of cold is one of the only benefits to playing football inside, no longer do I have to get up and drive for an hour to play a game that kicks off at 9am in the middle of december when its only 3 degreesa and get beaten 5-0. No, now I can get beaten 5-0 at a reasonable hour, in the warm and in less than 30 minutes. All about the convinient thrashings.I shall go now, and put on a second pair of socks. I'll see you on thursday.

Sad times - Alex

Yesterday Patrick told you about the forthcoming ultimate game ever and all other sorts of massive build up. It was crap. We lost, we didn't play very well and it crushed my high spirits. I ran lots and I'm no doctor but I'm positive I was having a heart attack, that makes it much more difficult to be an effective team member. I don't want to bore you with details but as a team Young Boys scored less goals than Woking Kebabs, and that generally equates to a loss. In fact I can't think of one fair occasion when a team scored fewer goals than the opposition and won. Note the use of the word fair, no Italian mafia ting going on here.

However when I got in I quickly found the remedy to sadness. After a quick shower I put on a pair of fresh and crisp boxer shorts I made myself an nice unwinding horlicks, sat in front of my laptop and watched THIS twice all the way through. I don't think anyone on the planet makes me quite as genuinely and thoroughly happy as he can. His adorable yet moronic way of plodding through life makes me laugh, smile and I'd say cry, but then that means I cry, which I don't. I just cry with laughter at stuff like THIS. Not only does Liam Neeson do good comedy there, Liam Neeson owns comedy there. Ah, no more sad times. That's always nice.

P.s. Look at him, he's a frog.

The greatest game- Paddy

According to the internet, the greatest game of sport ever played was the 1958 NFL Championship game between the New York Giants and the Baltimore Colts. I am inclined to disagree. The greatest game of sport ever played has not yet been played (at the time of writing) and it is infact later this evening. The game in question is an Aldershot District 5-A-Side league game between the Young Boys (mine and alex's team) and Woking Kebabs (the team of some of our friends). You may feel I have exaggerated the importance of the game, but if you've ever lost a competitive match to someone you know at school or college, then you know how big this is. Imagine losing, and having to go into your place of education,surrounded by your mocking and judgemental peers. Imagine the blow that'd deal to a young mans self-esteem. Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us, above us only sky. That last point may not be my own or in fact relevant, but getting back to the point, you all know how merciless teenage boys are when it comes to mocking. If we lose tonight, the mocking would be relentless and I'd probably kill  myself rather than face the pain of seeing the jeering faces of our fellow students.I'm going to go now and listen to Eye of the Tiger on repeat to psyche myself up now. Afterall, kick off is only 1 hour and 46 minutes away.

Male spooning - Alex

Over the next short blog I shall be attempting to answer the question: Male spooning, necessity or luxury? As Patrick made clear to you I spent the weekend in a forest with other people who I get to climb a mountain with. As one of three men (boys) in our team I was lumped with the other two knuckle dragging penis bearing individuals as a tent buddy. I managed to get myself one of the sides as opposed to awkwardly sleeping in the middle. The one big problem that did arise though is spooning. No matter what happens the person in the middle has to either stare at another mans face from 2 inches or spoon with them. As it happened in the middle of the night all three of us ended up facing the same way, making a "spoon train". A bit like the "lol train", only with one subtle difference. I now have dinner and then I'm more than certain I'll fall asleep instantly. Speak to you lot on Tuesday :)

My Plans for Today- Paddy

Hey guys! Back to the norm for now, back to Me and Alex until our next guest in a couple of weeks or so.
Today is for me quite a busy day. That is why I am awake in the morning, a very rare occurence. I am about to eat a brunch which is like a breakfast-lunch where you have cooked breakfast just really late to call it breakfast. The reason for brunching is that I am going to have an early dinner at roughly 4.30-5PM and to eat a full breakfast and lunch would marr my appetite for dinner. I am eating dinner so early because it is not possible for me to eat dinner at the normal time due to my being at the England Vs Spain match at Wembley Stadium. I am looking forward to attending this game despite the fact the the English will undoubtably be beaten by the Spaniards. Post-Football, I have to attend a party as one of my friends has reached the milestone of being 18 years of age, and here in England (not sure about the rest of the world) that is deemed cause for celebration. Unfortunately due to the afformentioned game of football, I shall be arriving a little over 1 hour late for this fiesta, which I think is past being fashionably late and borders on just ordinary late.
I'm done now, I'm not sure if Alex will be able to blog tomorrow as he is in the New Forest on a practice hike for when he climbs Mt Kilimanjaro next year. Personally, I don't think the New Forest is a particularly good practice place, due to the lack of mountain.

Leprechauns - Guest blogger - Rachael

I have two beautiful friends. Two beautiful smart, blog-loving friends. Their names are, of course, Alex and Paddy. Betcha kind of jealous that I get to blog as a guest on their o'so'popular blog. (I reckon they're already famous because of this web-master.)
As you can already most probably tell, I am not a frequent experienced blogger, however I'm willing to give it a shot. :D

First of all I'd like to say that I am a very lucky person to have a friend like Alex. Through out the years, I've grown to love this once-afro'd strawberry blonde named Alex. I wouldn't change him for the world, so. Although I'm old enough to have my own eBay now. I won't be selling an Alex anytime soon. He's for keepsies. And I'm not lying when I say Alex is one of a kind, of course this applies to Paddy too. Their like two perfect build'a'bears. It's like buy one get one free with A&P.

Basically for my first blog post, ever, I think? I'm feeling pretty intelligent cos if you've ever met me, you'll know I'm not the smartest pea in the pod. But who likes peas anyway!? Probably only leprechauns because they are green miniature men etc. Even with the word 'corn' in their name, I still genuinely think they'd vote for peas whilst clipping their toe nails on flimsy rainbows. What a life. I used to think Paddy was a leprechaun because he's magical and has a funny name. But i realized...

Leprechauns don't exist, but thank god Alex and Paddy do! Peace out.

Deliveries - Alex

My house is a thriving centre of parcels and boxes at this very moment. Mini frying pans. Retro ukuleles. New computers. The lot, you name it, it's on route to my house right now. In a big van, with the driver wearing a high viz waist-coat. This is undoubtedly because of the approaching festive season, not only are gifts purchased and delivered but the approaching date (December the 25th) makes people think "Oh golly gosh, the year is almost over and I haven't even done that thing that I planned to do early on in the year." That's precisely the reason there is a new computer hurtling towards my current location. Out with the 9 year old rickety steed and in with a brand spanking new, cut price, entry level machine. My mummy gave up with waiting 14 minutes to load a web page and spending 7 hours and 36 minutes sitting in front of the screen patiently watching Microsoft XP do its thing and start up. Now Windows 7 will open before she can blink and the Internet will power through any web page she can think of. The world will literally be her oyster once again. What a pleasant thought.

Now for some exciting Alexnpaddy news, guest bloggers! The plan is (well my plan anyway) to publish the first guest blog ever tomorrow and then depending on how many guest bloggers we can get I would imagine we may well have a guest blogger once a fortnight. I hope you enjoy him/her and that you appreciate this new interesting snippet on our humble web log.

Its guy love- Paddy

Before reading this blog, watch this video. Did you watch it yet? No? Go back and watch it. Ok, that was the official video to Guy Love by the Blanks. It is a song about a bromance, between two men and their totally non-gay love for each other. That song explores a similar feeling to the relationship between Alex and myself. We have a bromance, and we are ok with that. It puts us up with great fictional pairings like Joey and Chandler, and JD and Turk, as well as the oh so real bromance of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.
Today, the pair of us (Alex and I) went on a guy date together. It was jolly good fun. We had a Frankie & Benny's, just the two of us. And, as if we couldn't get any camper, we then went shopping. I bought a hoody, a t-shirt, some jeans, and a hat, to keep my ears warm in the winter. Alex bought a pair of trackies, because he has a casual swagger like that. I almost bought a casual blazer for wearing over t-shirts but was unable to as the only one they had in the shop was slightly too small for me to be wearing. Post-shopping, the two of us returned to Alex's humble abode (not that humble really, it has 4 bedrooms) and played many hours of FIFA, and scored many virtual goals.
Righty-ho, I'm off now internet, I shall see you again at some point in a few days and it will be merry.

Cookery - Alex

Firstly for those of you who are interested me and Patrick are fairly happy after a 5-1 defeat. 5-1 actually flatters the opposition a little I feel, if it weren't for a few individual mistakes I think we could have left the arena with a 3-1 or maybe even 2-1 defeat. Also I basically saved a penalty, which means in my whole time playing 5-a-side football I have been in goal for three penalty kicks and not one has been scored. Impressive stuff.

Now for the main body of today's instalment of witless ramblings. Cookery, the art of taking a bunch of seemingly unrelated ingredients and crafting them into a mouth watering piece of magic. Or something like that anyway. I cannot cook anything that doesn't come with instructions, which is a bit of a shame. My youngest sister, however, is a glorious desert maker; the things she can't do with flour and sugar aren't worth knowing. It's truly astounding. She isn't too shabby at making starters either; she makes an incredibly crusty fishy pot thing. Crusty and fishy, if I was immature I'd make a joke about that but I shall demonstrate my reserve by not even mentioning anyone's private parts. My favourite meal? Well for starters I really like bruschetta, it is scrumptious. For main course I love a nice lean steak, cooked medium rare. To accompany the steak I'd like nice British fat chips, onion rings, mushrooms, roast tomatoes and maybe even some asparagus. Also I'd like a healthy serving of blue cheese sauce on the steak, blue cheese is magical. For desert I'd be stupid if I asked for anything other than warm apple pie with high quality vanilla ice cream. So if any of you readers ever host me for a three course meal now you don't even need to think about what to cook.

Part three of "Cookery" by Alex Pointon (lion tamer extraordinaire), guest bloggers. One of my close friends recently quit college in order to pursue an accountancy apprenticeship, but he doesn't start his apprenticeship until January, leaving him with a lot of spare time on his food filled hands. I suggested to him that he could write a blog for this website, to spruce it up. Something new to keep Alexnpaddy ahead of the competition (I literally have no idea who we're competing with). This made me think, if I could convince enough people who I find funny maybe we could maybe it a regular thing. Once a fortnight you could hear from one of our friends. It's an idea Patrick knows nothing about, but I shall put it to him today! If I remember too, that is.

There you have it, a nice long blog to make up for my shocker on Sunday. Lots of love from Alex.

Days off- Paddy

This week I only have a total of 7 lessons in college as opposed to my usual 13. "Why?!" I hear you all cry, flabberghasted by this news. Well, tomorrow my tutorial has been cancelled and on Wednesday and Thursday there is no college at all for anyone due to something. I'm not sure what the something is, but it is worthy of the entirety of my college being shut for two days. It is likely that, because I'm a square, I will spend one of the two days doing college work and the like. The other day, however, will most likely be spent with Alex in a nearby town, shopping, on a little guy date. Don't judge us. We both need clothes, its just easier to go as a pair. I need to buy a pair of jeans and a hoody and a hat to stop my ears getting cold in the winter time. Whilst I'm on the subject of doing things with Alex, we have football tonight. As per usual we expect to lose this game, especially since the team we are playing is currently top of the league. Sometimes I wonder why we persist in playing this 5-a-side every week, but I think the (very) rare wins make it worth it.
I am off now, I shall blog once again on the glorious day of Wednesday, November 9th 2011 AD.

Gangster - Alex

Today I have spent a lot of time wishing I was a very wealthy gang leader, with an unparalleled arsenal and huge respect in da hood. But then that's because I'm super excited for Saints Row: The Third. It has literally glamorised the gangster lifestyle to such an extent that I think I'd be happy to ditch middle class British life for it. Aaahh the impressionable minds of today's youth. I have a little phrase, "Any video game where you can beat someone to death with a three foot long purple dildo is the joint best video game ever." Ok I just made that up, but I'm all buy certain that it is a statement that will prove true. As I write out this blog I have Saints Row 2 in my Xbox and my character is standing in one of my more luxurious cribs with many scantily clad digital women dancing around him. Some of them women are even in the pool. A pool in a penthouse! What isn't to want?! My tea is ready, so I guess I'm going to have to leave you short changed in terms of blog quantity. From this gangster, peace out.

Fireworks- Paddy

Hello Internet, welcome back to Alex'n'Paddy. Or alternatively: Welcome to Alex'n'Paddy if this is your first visit and you only stumbled across this humble blog during your unending search for pornography.
Today, I am going to blog about... Fireworks. Today is the 5th November, and in the UK that means it is Fireworks Night. Fireworks Night, alternatively known as Bonfire Night and Guy Fawkes Night, is an evening upon which most of the country has either a) Fireworks, b) A Bonfire or c) Both of those. The reason for this celebration is because many hundreds of years ago in the early 17th century, a Catholic chappy called Guy Fawkes and a couple of his mates tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament, which at the planned time would have contained our king, James I. Fortunately the Fawkes Posse was foiled and they were all horribly excuted and to this day we celebrate this. There are even a poems about it which go along these lines. However, I think that Fireworks Night is amongst the least worthy celebrations and now, along with Halloween, New Year and Valentine's Day, has devolved into an excuse to have a party and get drunken. Call me a kill joy, but thats just my opinion. The only good thing about Fireworks is the involvment of fire. Not that I'm a pyromaniac or anything.

Great outdoors - Alex

I am going to climb a mountain. Not today, not tomorrow, not even this calendar year. Next summer, just so you know. Obviously climbing a mountain requires some training, the training that I am receiving in just eight days. I am spending a weekend camping in the New Forest, as close as you can actually get to an African mountain. This required me to buy some kit of my own (remember this?). so today I decided to give my walking boots their first real taste of the outdoors in the form of a gentle stroll through a soggy local woods. Tell you what, nature's actually alright. Cute little squirrels, dog walkers and bird song don't actually do a bad job of putting a spring in your step. And I will admit to whistling all of the way home, how cliche. In my brand new fleece, fairly old coat and technological walking socks I was cosy as you like. And before you think about it too much, my walking socks are technological because they have two layers so that the sock rubs against itself instead of your foot, preventing blisters forming. CLEVER. Now here's a picture of me looking ready to take on the great outdoors.

Sexy

That's what I looked like at about quarter to eleven this morning, now I'm just wearing boxers and a vest. I feel I do my best work when I'm all but naked. Now I'm off to my relaxation hub, the toilet, I will speak to you on Sunday :)

Jellied Chips- Paddy

Alex wrote yesterday about his crack at the A-level History Coursewoek. Today, I had a go at doing mine. By had a go at, I mean finished it. BOOM! Job done, 1,792 words and not a single word above or below. I narrowly averted disater though, checked my word count, had a neat 1,843 but then realised I was counting my footnotes too! This is wrong, I took the footnote count off and only had 1,692, something that wouldn't have been good for me. I rapidly bashed out another hundred to get my essay acceptably close to the 1,800 word limit/target. That made me feel good about myself.On an unrelated note, I put jelly onto one of my friends chips at lunch today. It wasn't a random act of malice, I had a justification. My justification was that he had poured salt onto said jelly. I thought that this wasn't on so in a bastardised sort of karma I decided to put the salted jelly onto his chips. To me, it seemed fair, alex agreed saying that if I hadn't jellied our mutual friend's chips, the amount of negative karma he had would have built up, leading to him being hit by a bus at some point next week.
Third and also unrelated note, today I wore a sweatervest. I have no further points to make on this subject, its just an item of clothing I occasionally like to wear.
Now I shall leave,
Good Bye.

Relaxation, or lack of - Alex

There is one place in the world where I can feel fully relaxed. Only one. It isn't the beach, when I'm on the beach I worry about sun burn; it isn't in bed, my sheet has a habit of becoming loose and therefore ever so slightly less blissful. It is in fact on the porcelain throne, the lavvy, the bog or the dunny. Whatever you call it, it's where business gets done. Now I'll help you to emphasise with me (it'll take a while so I'll use a new paragraph, so you can skip it if you want).

Tomorrow I have a physics test which I need to prepare a set of revision notes for and then revise from the freshly made revision notes. Tomorrow I also have a biology test, an important biology test. This test is going to strain my knowledge of roughly 60%-80% of the course so far, meaning that it isn't too far away from the actual exam I will sit in January. I also want to do really well in this test, not only to boost my confidence and prove to myself that I'm not a useless pile of flesh and bone destined to serially under perform but also to prove to my biology teacher that he was correct to raise my predicted grade from a C to a B. Due on Monday I have a past maths paper which I have to complete, mark and then correct. A rather laborious process. Also to add to my numerical homework I have one sheet of statistics questions to be completed for roughly this time next week. Finally, and some would argue most importantly, I have the small matter of my history coursework. A 2000 word essay assessing the significance of tanks during the First World War. I am currently only a conclusion away from completing the essay for the first time, but then I'll probably proof read it, decide it's rubbish and change 50% of it. All of that has to be done by Monday too.

So it's fair to say that right now I'm under a fair deal of stress and I'm having to work, work and work through the pressure. For that reason I plan to spend this evening with a pen in my hand and a frown on my face, only taking a break to eat dinner and occasionally breath. Prepare to judge me. Now is my only genuine relaxation time for this evening and tonight. Half an hour on the toilet. With my boxer shorts and trousers off I feel free, and I have a cup of coffee next to me (absolutely disgusting, I know) plus a copy of fourfourtwo magazine placed within arms reach, for a quick read once I've finished this blog. So wish me luck for this evening, I've never been the workaholic type but I guess better late than never. Also wish me luck for tomorrow, because the two tests that are actually important to me are going to require more than just elbow grease and brain power. I bloomin' need divine intervention.

Records- Paddy

Yesterday, Alex wrote a plea to you all, could you all spread the word and get us enough page views to continue our increase in monthly views. And boy did you answer him! Yesterday you set a new record for most views on Alex'n'Paddy in one day, 92, which is almost a hundred and about double our previous record. Second to this, you the readers, have viewed Alex'n'Paddy 806 times in October, also a record. For these figures I thank ye all, and I ask you to keep the page views racking up so that one day, Alex and I can be famous and meet other famous people of our age and then marry them and have famous babies. Also, if we become famous we will give money to charities and stuff probably so everyone's a winner.
On a less self-centred note, the commenting flurry from mid-October, has sadly died down. I say sadly because I enjoyed your comments and I presume alex did too. It'd be nice if you could all start the commenting up again, but you know keep it clean 'n' stuff. It'd be nice to get some support and feedback from y'all. This second note lowered the tone of the blog to quite a sad one. I'll leave you with this picture of a happy goat to brighten your day: