The early bird - Alex

On any normal week day I would be leaving my house in a matter of moments, but for me Thursdays are special. On a Thursday I have the pleasure of being timetabled without a lesson for first period, meaning that as opposed to nine o'clock I don't have to be in college until quarter to eleven. Although unlike most of my peers who see the time without a lesson as an opportunity to catch up on some lost slumber, I decide to wake up as normal at fifteen minutes to seven and then just lounge about, usually scantily clad, until my mum and sister have left the house. Then at this stage I have a shower and then parade about listening to Dolly Parton incredibly loudly and then normally after mellowing down and dressing in something less chest revealing I progress onto the real event of the morning. Fifa. Now I'm not sure what it is, but there's something about playing Xbox at a time when you're normally sat deliberating over the conversion of halogenoalkanes into alcohols or having a class discussion about how bad Stalin actually was (he was bad, jussss sayin') that makes you feel really really cool.

After discussing Xbox and Fifa for longer than some of our fans can tolerate I shall digress and slide cleanly into a new topic. Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living. Recently my sister has started her work experience changing nappies and cleaning up sick at a nursery, and she thinks that her hours are extortionate and ridiculous. They aren't. HEY MACARENA, compilation albums do no-one any good, they just fill my iPod with music that makes me smile and makes other people judge me.

At this time on a normal day I would have just knocked for my tall friend, and no doubt he'd be wearing a generic chequered shirt, because he does that.

Blog-tastic - Paddy

Now I realise this has been posted tear-jerkingly late for all you die hard fans we have and I apologise for that. I meant to do it earlier but got distracted by pie, the food not the Greek letter. Fortunately Alex reminded me via a social networking site I'm sure some if you are familiar with, Facebook.
Topic one this evening is: further news of our global dominance! In the last week a further 3 countries have accessed our blog. We now have readers in Germany, Phillipines and India as well as all the other countries we had. Still missing south America and Oceania in our quest for a continental clean sweep. If you know any brazillians or Tongans or other equally good nationalities, please link them up. It'd make Alex very happy.
Topic two is the suffix -tastic. It's going to be my April phrase of the month, replacing march's bare "insert item here" and ting. Obviously it's standards usage in the word fantastic doesn't count and it must be added to other words to describe how good something is, i.e this blog is blogtastic or that band with George Michael in is whamtastic or such like.
That's it for tonight and I leave you with a musing from the wisest of internet Menes, the philosoraptor, "A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never quite sure."

Alan Sugar here I come - Alex

My first topic for the day is my potential impending audition for the next series of 'Junior apprentice' on the BBC. First I would like to prove that they want me...

Hello potential Junior Apprentice! (Alex Pointon), This email is to confirm that we received your application and that we would like to invite you to take part in our selection process on Wednesday 13th April 2011. Your interview time is 16:15. Place: Studio 1, Talkback Thames, 1 Stephen Street, London, W1T 1AL

And now I would like to commence with my occasionally cringe worthy wittering. I am not surprised to have been asked to attend an interview, not only do I boast experience within a highly successful business environment (I did Young Enterprise in year 10 and my team didn't suck) but I also look like a freak, which as everyone knows makes bearable television. Also I think I managed to fool Alan into believing that I'm a good person by mentioning my trip to climb Kilimanjaro and help the Africans after college, sucker. Much to your disappointment I may not show up at the audition, you see that I vaguely remember reading that the second auditions are the following week should you be impressive enough to warrant that honourable call back. Here's where to poo poo comes in, the following week I am sampling the finest tourist destinations that New York has to offer, if it arose I wouldn't quit reppin' the big apple in order to fly to Birmingham (of all places, Birmingham!) to have a working lunch with Karen Brady. I just wouldn't.

Second topic in line for a monotonous description by yours truly, a potential hair style. On Saturday night in true Cinderella style I am attending a ball. The theme for this event is 1920s glamour, so because I'm a quirky so and so I am planning to style my hair in some sort of comb over fashion. This isn't something people with a natural hair style like me can really do very well, so wish me luck. But when they work everyone knows comb overs can look hot. Just look at this one.

I'm your man- Paddy

I have recently had this song stuck in my head so I thought I would share it with you all:

Call me good
call me bad

call me anything you want to
baby

But I know that you're sad

And I know I'll make you happy
with the one thing that you never had.
Baby
I'm your man. Don't you know that

baby
I'm your man. Your bet !

If you're gonna do it
do it right
right? Do it with me.
If you're gonna do it
do it right
right? Do it with me.
If you're gonna do it
do it right
right? Do it with me.
If you're gonna do it
do it right
right? Do it with me.

Well I was going to post the whole song bit thought that was enough and I got concerned all bout copy right n ting. Therefore I feel compelled to say that the song is I'm your man by Wham and nothing to do with me at all.

Braces - Alex

Recently I received two things that ever since finding out I was getting I anticipated highly. The first of these two items is a box of frosted wheat's, ever since a non-scientific conversation in chemistry one day I craved them with greater intensity than a pregnant woman would. Yesterday afternoon (in the presence of my co-blogger) I had the first bowl of frosted wheat's from the new packet, and gee they lived up to what I expected. The deceptively unhealthy cereal pleasured me in ways which no woman would, because I'm fugly. The second thing I got of late was a set of trouser holding up braces, not only are they a quality novelty item but in my case they also serve a purpose. I purchased them to hold up my trousers whilst making me look like I was dressed for a high class gala event in the 1920s. And not gala bingo, I don't think they were as popular back then. AND ONE FINAL PIECE OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MAY FIND INTERESTING OR OF NOTE, currently I'm only wearing my boxer shorts, sitting on my chair with my legs open and rubbing my tummy.

A mundane (and brief) account of my day- Paddy

Today, me and Alex had a nice bonding session together, reinvigorating our friendship and making the most of your beautiful connection. We based today's explores around the game of football the England played against Wales. Obviously as we revolved around the football I went to alex's as his family can afford sky sports and doesn't live in abject poverty like mine. Once football had been played and victory for the superior nation (England) had been confirmed we turned to that staple of the teenaged boys life, the games console. Now I don't want to get embroiled into a which console is better, the Xbox 360 or a PS3, but let's put it this way: both me, Alex and our chubby mexican friend are on Xbox, the now infamous mat beales is on PS3. This shows Xbox superiority. I digress though, the console is irrelevant. The game however, is highly important and our game of choice was FIFA 11. It is the best game ever. We played many times, sometimes I won, sometimes he won, sometimes we played as a team. Then it became 6 o'clock so I had to go home as my bed time is 7. We said our goodbyes and I drove myself home in an automobile I am learning to drive.
The End!

This blog will bore you and make you angry because it's terrible - Alex

It’s Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday. Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend, weekend. Friday, Friday. Getting down on Friday. Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend.

I guess them hard hitting lyrics may summarise how the vast majority of our 15 daily readers are feeling right now. Well not me, I for one am not looking forward to the weekend. Due to my below par exam results I've decided that a lot of time shall be spent learning things that I've already learnt once, but didn't learn very well so need going over again. To add in a touch of variety I might spend two hours trying not to crash my driving instructors swanky car whilst trying not to kill anyone at the same time. Obviously I'll spend copious amounts of/bare time listening to 80s music, because that makes my life feel less hollow. In addition to all previous points made I aim to begin construction of a second squad for my FIFA 11 ultimate team, because when people that I know socially neglect me I'm forced to make up for it by teaming Chris Samba, George Elokobi, Danny Shittu and Micah Richards up. The results of that are most likely going to be messy, but what else could I do with my time? More revision? Pah. Gardening? Well maybe the manly stuff, life digging, but you won't catch me all bent over planting bulbs and seed. There's only one seed I enjoy planting, and that's the seed of happiness in the hearts of the masses.

Orange text indicates that the content has been heavily influenced/paraphrased by a cutie pie I know.

A whole month! - Paddy

Today is a landmark day in the history of alexnpaddy! Today is one month since we first set up this blog. Think back dear reader, how different would your last month have been without alex's wit and charm and my devilish good looks to help you whittle away your long winter evenings, to help you delay doing your homework, and to just brighten up your day? Admittedly it'd probably similar to how your last month with me and Alex was, just time reading this blog would have been spent stalking your ex on facebook or googling how much a polar bear ways to solve a pub style debate. To celebrate this enormous achievement nothing special is happening as we are not yet famous enough to hold a ultra-cool party with the likes of blogging aristocracy, Craig Benzine or Charlie McDonnell, who despite technically being vloggers are mine and Alex's true inspiration.
I am surprised me and Alex have had the dedication to keep this blog going this long. We have embarked on many previous ventures into fame. We had an xfactor audition we failed to show up to due to my prior engagements. We tried to write a comedic book, twice, but got distracted by little things like revision and exams. This however, is our chance at fame. We have planned this n ting. First get a multinational and dedicated following, then branch into other Internet mediums: a vlog and a website, next we would be able to release alexnpaddy brand products, like T-shirts or books, finally an appearance on a well watched chat show, leading to our own show being commissioned. All this to achieve our ultimate goal: trivial fame to play in charity football matches. It can't fail.

Musicality - Alex

Today I walked home from college, accompanied by my 16gb second generation iPod touch (feel free to pay me for that reference Apple, alternatively please don't sue me for talking about your products). Because I have my Schutzstaffel* play list on my iPod I was able to fully relax and just appreciate the sun. My stroll was somewhat marred by a group of ill educated tracksuit wearing types who decided it was hilarious to openly and loudly mock me because of my 'Sideshow Bob' like hairstyle and also apparently I look like 'one of them toilet brush things', nice to see someone so eloquent and poetic with the English language, Oscar Wilde would be proud. Back to the title topic, music. A subject on which I have a varied position, in terms of listening to music I literally love it and would struggle to cope without my daily fix of whatever I deem worthy. On the contrary I have never shown even a hint of musical talent, even as a youngster I remember being the worst in my class on the simple to master recorder. I'd love to be able to instinctively play an instrument, pick up and acoustic guitar on a balmy summers eve and woo women Enrique style with a selection of slow romantic melodies and up-beat catchy show tunes. Also on any instrument possible I would play any tribute to Wham! or George Michael I could, because in my opinion Club Tropicana is one of the happiest, bum wagglingest and most enjoyable pop songs ever produced, I'd call in a guilty pleasure, but I openly love it. My guilty pleasure happens to come in the form of an alternative band who took their name from the act of tribadism, for those of you less willing to google it I shall tell you whom at the end of the next entry from yours truly. As for anyone with a few minutes to quell, I hope you enjoy your search results. Pointon out.

*Schutzstaffel - SS - Summer songs

HYB: a tribute in poem- Paddy

Now yesterday Alex requested that I write a poem either a) detailing his footballing prowess or b) detailing his footballing suckiness. I have decided to honour this and write a Limerick in dedication to the Hufflepuff Young Boys latest win.

There once was a team of young football players,
Who weren't very good at football and lost games,
They went two nil down due to some calamitous defensive play,
Neither of which was the fault of the goalie,
But fought back and won the match 4-2!

Now I am aware that my poem may not adhere to the correct rhyme scheme or rhythm of a Limerick, but it's hard to accurately recount the details and rhyme with defensive play at the same time. Ah well that's life. I know this blog is intolerably short but this poetry lark really takes it out of me. Also I need the toilet, wait that's weird for me to share over the Internet. Pretend I didn't say that. Instead, also I need to go now for an unspecified, but thoroughly important reason.

Willy and bum - Alex

Maturity is, or so people say, something that comes with age. This is a point of view that I disagree with, for instance I giggle at the number 69 and find farting funny sometimes. At the age of 14 I thought I was a full grown man, and therefore I wouldn't even raise the corner of my mouth to form the slightest smile if someone said lubricate or erect. Now with the advantage of hindsight I realise that every second of life is precious, and that a second not spent smiling and giggling is a second wasted. I may be immature, but I can come up with deep philosophical statements like that. And you know how it goes, immature people who can still say some stuff that other people might put in quote marks and then put their name and a date next to are really cool. So using that well established rule of society that I didn't just make up on the spot I must as a result be really cool. Also tonight I hope to be the swashbuckling spearhead of a lethal 5-a-side attack force, again. And in doing that I aim to become my teams top scorer for the season, whilst this is a far fetched achievement it would only require me scoring one more goal than I did last week, so four. Stay tuned for what I'm sure will be a poetic description of my artistry by Patrick tomorrow, also, be prepared to hear about me doing really pooey. That's probably more likely. Given that they say lightning doesn't strike twice. Start with a saying and end with one, full circle.

Tea -Paddy

I am, as you may have realised, ridiculously middle class. I am so middle class that other middle class people look at me and think "damn he's middle class". Part of this is something inherently British, something that defines our culture, something you can't get a decent one of in a foreign country ever. It is of course a cup of tea. Tea is an enormous part of my life, I have a minimum of 3 mugs a day. Alex has even pointed out the regularity of my tea routine: breakfast, when I get in from college and lastly at about 9 o'clock in the evening. I'm afraid to say that more than once I have had me teeth cleaned by the dentist to whiten them due to copious amounts of tea staining on them. Infact tea is so frequently drunk that one mug is being consumed as I write this. It was infact the inspiration for the topic. That and the fact I couldn't think of a more interesting or relevant topic. Tea is not my only middle class trait but if were to list then all this blog would take at least a bajillion hours to type out and a balillion and one hours to read.
Oh, those of you who live in the local area and know who me and Alex are in person, you should definately show support for your favourite bloggers and their 5-a-side team. Farnborough Rec 9.00 PM, Hufflepuff Young Boys vs Chloride Crusaders. Be there, as we might actually win another game for once.

Sunshine - Alex

What a glorious day. The sun is out and the birds are singing, with my window ajar I can hear grass being mowed and children giggling. Trees are beginning to blossom and the view down my alley is directly down a sleepy, tree covered alley. Marvelous. One problem though, all of this summer is distracting me from the one thing that I am trying to focus on. Jeff Stelling. Now as a mans man, a blokey bloke and a proper lad I enjoy the banterous exchanges between the varied pundits on Soccer Saturday, but as a teenage boy I know that I really should be in the garden doing keepy ups listening to cheery music. Well I should be out with friends, but ruling that out as an option leaves me with a painful dilemma. My heart tells me to lie on the sofa with a carbonated soft drink and some 'chips' admiring the master of spoken word that is Jeff Stelling, on the contrary my head tells me to grab the portable speakers, bung in my iPod and relish the low pressure anti-cyclone we are experiencing. I think that's what it is, from what I remember of GCSE geography I think I'm right. Also on a partially related side note, today is the first day of the year that I have worn a pair of shorts, excluding days when I played sport. That's right, the legs are out. The defined pegs, the desirable shafts of slightly tanned human flesh and bone. Those of you who know me in person, hope for more weather like this so you can keep yourself acquainted with my revered calves. As for those of you who don't know me personally, Patrick recently passed his driving theory test. He's basically a big boy now.

Less than piratical- Paddy

Today there was disappointment. As I'm sure at least some of you are aware, today was comic relief and as humour and light-heartedness are in the name, the college organised a dress as a pirate day. Well up for this I bought several piratical accessories and prepared a piratical outfit of shorts and a striped T-shirt, obviously coupled with patch, hook, bandana and other minor parts. However, the weather had a different idea and decided to precipitate heavily and also be jolly chilly. My chance for piratical rumbustificating where dashed as I realised me rather summery outfit would leave me with a severe case of frostbite and pneumonia, or at least some nasty sniffles. Deeply saddened, I Chavez trousers and top, but retained my hook and patch. However, further disappointment ensued as both items broke, leaving me just an ordinary 17 year old, not the great pirate I had anticipated being. I was not the only one to see such anguish during the day, another fellow who I didn't know was seen wearing nothing on his bare feet, thus forcing him to endure cold wet toes all day. Many cardboard swords were also left limp and soggy by the continuous rain. I'm sure the next charity based dress up day will occur in a more summery weather, allowing all sorts of shorts or shoes to be worn without health and safety being compromised. We can but hope anyway.

Perfect and beige - Alex

Today I'm in an amazing mood. The sun is shining, James Brown is playing, my best friend is home and more than anything else I have an iced coffee. Made by yours truly I consider it a glass of refreshing beige perfection. Seeing as the pleasant weather is new to the area I thought I'd go the extra mile and drizzle some chocolate sauce down the inside of the glass, in time the presentation of my cold caffeine hits decreases, next I'll move down to sprinkling cocoa powder on the top. Then maybe the occasional chocolate chip, and in time my cups will reduce to a simple chilled beige fluid and large slabs of ice. Anyway I must move away from this topic, as I am contracted to entertaining you for a few minutes a day I assume I shall have to introduce a newer and more substantial topic. Stevie Wonder, or more broadly, Motown. As a true Undercover Brother fan I own the 'Motown 50' album, consisting of 50 tracks that fans voted the best Motown songs, and 11 cover tracks. Whilst some songs from the majestic compilation are a little obscure to pop fans/numpties I find that every song fills me with happiness and joy. Lionel Richie's 'All Night Long' has me tapping my foot rhythmically, as for Stevie's 'Sir Duke', well lets just say that I cannot ever think about frowning whilst listening to that booty shaking, trumpet filled melody. Edwin Starr's 'War' is an anthem full of gusto and aggression, perfect for pumping me up before a duel, and the 5 tracks featuring Marvin Gaye all cement his place as someone who was really good at singing songs. I strongly encourage anyone with a soul to buy it, even if you are ginger like me and therefore don't have a soul it will still make you feel things that you thought were reserved for people who society cared about. Although a last word to any other ginger people, THE SUN HATES US.

Parent's Evening, Lite- Paddy

Just a short little teeny blog today, I once again lost track of the days and now it's too late to bother writing a full exciting and thrilling blog. Not that this blog won't be exciting and thrilling, it'll just be exciting and thrilling on a small scale. Alexnpaddy Lite if you will.
Anyhoo, today was that most dreaded night of the year, Parent's evening. A time for adults to conspire against us, the hard working youth of today, with tales of homework not done or a distinct lack of attendance. Fortunately, I am a huge huge huge geek. My parents evening went swimmingly, teachers complimenting me left right and centre on my work ethic and classroom behaviour. The only complaint I received was a tendency to talk too much, an affliction raised at parent's evenings since I was a wee small lad. But enough of my excellence! Well you can never have enough of me, but to those of you less awesome academically than I. I'm sure some of you have had your parents requested to attend, never a good sign, and had all sorts of nefarious activities mentioned. Now I'm aware that this will probably warrant me being punched, as happens so frequently when my prowess is mentioned, but I couldn't think of a better blogging topic in such a desperate time.

Captain hats - Alex

I am, you may or may not know, a superhero. Without my input behind closed doors much of the world would simply cease to function. Beyond the obvious traits like super strength and psychokinesis I also have abilities that fit in much better in a modern society. For instance most of the time in History lessons whenever we do a quiz, I use only have a piece of paper each time. Saving the rest of the sheet for the next scheduled quiz. In a world where every person is forced to think about not killing trees or shooting porpoises I feel that I am a real life combination of every Justice League member. I'm only kidding, I'm terrible. If I had the powers that I talked about (except for paper saving, I really do that!) I would definitely be a super villain. Why? A. You're allowed to be your own boss. If you want a shark pit or a laser gun you get one! If you want to fly Obama in to play crazy golf with him then you threaten him and he is forced to come. B. It's less work. I'm happy putting in graft when there's no other option, but if I can find a less labour intensive method of reaching an equally as satisfying end point then I do that. Most importantly C. For a villain to wear a hat is a lot more socially acceptable, and I suit a 'flat peak cap' very well. Or so I've been told by my friends, they were so jealous of how peng I looked that they could only laugh when they saw me. But since then they said that I suited it very well. Sorry that this is so short, I've had to write it in a hurry, I have to finish an article for 'Krhdsbhfhfghfnbf' newspaper. Smiley face! :)

A proper serious blog- Paddy

As I sit here, watching countdown and eating crisps, two things occur to me: 1)I'm a massive massive loser, and 2) these crisps, or "chips" for our intercontinental readers, are goooooooood! Now I appreciate that that level of enjoyment from a simple bag of crisps is maybe a little excessive but that's the type of guy I am.
Now if I've lured you into a false sense of security, thinking this blog will be little more that mindless withering about potato based snacks, then you my friend, are wrong! This blog is about to get as serious as a murder trial in Spain. I chose Spain as Spain's prime minister himself said "We are a serious country" and it doesn't get more serious than that.
But I digress, it's time for my serious point to this blog. Actually no it isn't. I appear to unfortunately forgotten my point. Now I feel foolish and, well, just foolish really. Apparently my points werent to be as serious as I had built up, otherwise I wouldn't have forgotten it. The letters on countdown currently spell out wieners. I don't know if that's a legitimate word but I'm jolly impressed with my 7 letter skills. My bubble has rapidly been burst as both contestants got the 8 letter wineries. This has done little to lighten my now rapidly downward spiralling mood. I may just end it all here. The blog that is, not my life. It's not that bad yet, compared to alex's it's positively splendid.

Born a winner - Alex

As I look back on my short empty life I notice one disappointing correlation, as my years grow I seem to be able to achieve less and less. When I was little larger than a garden gnome I was as bright as Sirius A, I sat on the bench for what was a relatively high level football team and I hadn't developed ginger hair. When I was seven I was the first runner up in a local Kumite karate tournament, what I believe to be the foundation for my speed, presence of mind and agility. A year later I repeated this accomplishment, but in a higher age group, hence I was required to spar with boys twice my weight.  By the age of 11 I got test results that were as close to perfect as possible, and my imitation of Goku unleashing a kamehameha was faultless. At the age of 13 I was Cove Rangers most sporting player for the 06-07 season, not an easy feat by any means. When academic testing came around again aged 14 I did pretty well, with the highest English score out of all 200 students in my year. Fast forward to the end of the end of the same school year and my English grade was below average, evidently an extra 9 months of teaching did me no good. My other results still kept me well above average over all though. My quest towards being the next David Beckham had taken a hit as well, I was stuck in the bottom division after a nasty knee injury and nor was I physically attractive. As I turned into a man I had to sit my GCSE examinations, and the results I acquired sat me comfortably in the top quarter of students nationally, but far from the heights that 11 year old Alex would have reached. And then to 3 days ago, where I was put through the stress of receiving another set of important test results, and BAM I'm average :( I hope everyone learns a lesson from me, just because you're annoying, unattractive and socially inept it doesn't mean that karma kicks in and makes you good at anything else. Damn you karma.

Spread the word- Paddy

Oops. I'd been sat here thinking to myself "why hasn't Alex done today's blog? It's his turn." my thoughts were so very wrong as he posted yesterday of course. So down to business...
As I type this, I am once again partaking in the watching of a game of football. They are now halfway through the ridiculous 8 minutes additional time. 8 minutes! That to me seems unnecessary, even with all the time it took to sort out a nasty injury. On a lesser footballing note, today me and my acquaintances, not friends because they don't like me, vanquished an opposing clique of friends 15-7. This is a good result as last week we were in turn defeated 10-2. The lynch pin of today's performance was mat beales, a person I'm sure many of you know or have at least see mentioned profusely in the comments of several posts. He scored a fair few goals and did a backflip. I congratulate him.
But enough about beales! I can't help but notice over recent days our page views have dropped. We have only totalled 8 so far today, 22 yesterday and 16 the day before. I find this saddening. The few dedicated readers that remain, spread the word! Tell the masses! Approach strangers and tell them to check us out. Actually maybe not random people, that's a little bit weird. But at least tell you friends and colleagues and family members and what not. Also click the advert.

A broken back and a cowardly partner - Alex

Well today I went to a university in Portsmouth to find out if I had a future or not, essentially it was an opportunity to talk to representatives from what seemed like every educational institution in the whole world. However I approached it from a different perspective, I used it as an opportunity to mope around in two over crowded rooms and pick up a prospectus from any stand that had an Ipad or freebies. I ended up with 13 prospecti (pretty sure that's the plural for prospectus?) and a really sore wrist from carrying around nearly eight times my own body weight in over hyped chat and photos of buildings. Luckily for me the University of Liverpool were handing out bags covered in amazing colours and their slogan, this allowed me to cram it full and sling the bag over my shoulder in order to give me regular two arm freedom again. Whilst initially the plan was flawless my back began to snap, and from an untrained medical point of view I honestly believe that as the day went on my back broke clean in half. Since I got in I've had a bit of a sit down and I think my super human healing powers might be able to do something, but it's still ruddy sore.

Onto the second topic mentioned in the title, Patrick is a wimp. He had signed up to play a game of Fifa in front of a cafe full of disinterested students, although when I asked his supposed team mate for the public humiliation I was informed that Patrick had said that 'He couldn't be bothered for Fifa' and instead chose to bring great shame to himself and to his family name. Some persons make promises for the pleasure of breaking them said William Hazlitt, Patrick breaks promises due to his lack of maturity and in order to cast a great shadow over anyone that dare associate with him. I hope everyone reading this knows that Patrick doesn't have proper genitalia and because of his decision they also judge him a little. Nice one Paddy.

Sky-net is online- Paddy

I hate computers. They are ridiculously annoying far too often. For example but a moment ago I tried to send a simple email with an attachment, however, when I tried to send it from Internet explorer, it refused to send properly as the receiver was not on my contact list. Untaxed I switched to safari, the apple based browser, but alas the stupid email would no longer even let me attach my document. This made me highly annoyed as you can probably tell. This is not the only poor experience I have had with the infernal devices. My household computer is an especially poor example of the machines. It is slow, old and just a bit rubbish. When I sat down to watch the football the other day, see my last blog, it kept lagging and freezing and caused me to miss Messi's first goal. A second example of why I hate computers. I look forward to the day sky-net becomes self-aware, starting a global holocaust and pumping out an army of robots. You may wonder why I want to see the terminator franchise brought to life, the answer is so that I can see the remains of the human race destroy and destruct the computers and machines in a blaze of fire and metal skulls.
Sorry about the rant-like nature of this but I needed to vent my pain and what else is a blog for? Well making money but also anger venting.
I'll be back, in a couple of days.

I love it when the coffee's done - Alex

I fear that I have stopped being a child, no longer are my reserves of energy endless. Getting out of bed in the morning has become a chore and not even a shower fully revitalises me anymore, it takes a full blown boiling caffeine shot. It used to be a cup of apple juice in the morning, never from concentrate of course, however now I tend to favour a 'smooth and creamy' cup of coffee. This isn't the only thing that makes me suspect that I'm turning into a non-child, for a start I tend to have either a cup of tea or another coffee when I get in from a hard day of learning stuff. My gradual addiction to regular caffeine hits makes me feel like an old person. There's nothing wrong with feeling like an old person, just feeling like an old person at the age of 17 is somewhat unnerving. More evidence for my premature ageing is coming up; My knees crackle like a camp fire whenever I move from a position I've held for over 10 minutes. I own two nice and presentable watches despite having few occasions or reasons for wearing them. I actually have a play list on my iPod full of music for middle aged people, and not only do I have this play list but I regularly listen to it. After all Van Morrison and ZZ Top are pretty hip? With all of these factors there's only one more thing to happen before I could be deemed a proper adult, so now all I need is puberty, I better be prepared to wait it out.

Comments/Eyestrain- Paddy

Well, well, well. It's my turn again, my turn to write a blog, my turn to try and amuse you whilst trying to gain some form of self-worth in the belief that people actually read this for entertainment rather than so they can mercilessly mock me and my quirkier counterpart. Now I have that off my chest, let's start the blog proper!
I'm going to start today with something I like to call comment of the week! It is infact a quote from last week technically but I'm sure you our easy going readers won't be too fussed. Anyway comment of the week is: "you should be angry your bald spot is on show". Congratulations to anonymous for claiming this prestigious award! I like this comment because, as I'm sure those of you who actually know me are aware, it is a reference to a certain Neanderthal looking friend of ours. I apologise to our international audience as it is unlikely to say the least you are aware of the boy in question.
I now move on to a second point, lest I incur the wrath of alex. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your opinions, tonights titanic football clash between "the Gunners" and "Barça" is only shown on sky sports. For me this is unfortunate as my house does not pay the monthly subscription with which this channel is paid for. This means I cannot watch the epic battle for a place in the next champions league round. Unless I awkwardly try to fit in with the football watching crowd at a pub or try and find a grainy Internet stream of the match on my computer. Seeing as I'm socially inept, I'll do the second option and probably develop eye strain trying to spot a tiny pixelated Messi beating the whole arsenal team.
That'll be all.

Simplicity is good - Alex

Throughout time I'm fairly certain that the most simple things are always the most appreciated things. The wheel is widely referenced as the greatest invention ever, and there's not much to that is there? Sliced bread, once again a widely revered innovation, and that's yet another very basic product. Why is this topic such a big deal for me right now? Russia! Their 1918-20 civil war is the MOST ANNOYING civil war I have ever studied. Half of the 'teams' are named after colours, after finding this out I was happy, it all seemed simple and easy to understand. But then, spanner in the works, you get some jokers named the Russian Republic. Along with the Central Powers they confuse things so much. Simplicity suits me, I like it. Whilst compared to some of my friends I come across more complex than brain surgery I'm still largely acustomed to lifes simple pleasures. I like eating lots, I like seeing people hurt themselves and I enjoy football silly amounts. I want to try and impress the statistically superior blogger by ending my blog now so that it's really really short and using Patrick's logic it should leaving you longing for more. I doubt that.

Sucks to be alex - Paddy

Today is a bad day for Alex. Well thus far it is bad, it may pick up considerably later for him but who can say for sure? Apart from the great god of course. But even then he may not exist for certain, but I digress. Alex has had a bad day, "why?" I hear you ask. Well today Alex got up all excited for a game of football he was going to watch. He is an avid fan of Manchester united, a sports franchise I'm sure even our most far flung readers have heard of. Well today "Man U", as they are known, were vanquished by a team from liverpool called Liverpool funnily enough. According to my Ginger friend united were "the worst team at football ever" prompting him to announce this sentence, in which I have replaced the expletives with the word sometimes ; "I occasionally detest my occasionally hollow life." This is why it sucks to be Alex. Also he is Ginger and now statistically the less viewed blogger.
I had finished there but apparently this wasn't long enough so a second topic must be introduced. Therefore, my second topic is: does blog length truly matter? Do you the readers leave alexnpaddy disappointed by the shortness of my posting? Do I leave you wanting more? If no, stop reading here, you were evidently satisfied by the initial topic and reading further will only aggravate you. If you answered yes, then here you go! Extra material to prolong the feeling of joy you receive from our blog. Personally I believe a shorter more succinct blog is the way forward, but Alex prefers a rambling lengthy blog as it suits his writing style better. Please help us settle this format conundrum with beautiful comments.
Now I return back to my original point as a reminder in this concluding sentence: sucks to be Alex.

Nasty nasty fundraising - Alex

Some of you may know, some of you may not, but in the summer of 2012 I am going to Tanzania for four weeks. In this time me and a team of equally as adventurously minded individuals are going to trek up Mt. Kilimanjaro and do roughly a weeks community work in a village. I cannot wait to do this, I seriously expect the four weeks to be unforgettable and amazing. But this expedition is priced so that from the day I signed up for it I have had to actively think about how I'm going to pay for it, my big problem though is that I can be a prolific procrastinator. I don't enjoy thinking about how to raise money simply because it's effort, I've spent the last two months trying to put some Cd's and games up on eBay, but all I've got round to doing so far is taking pictures of them. I know that I really should do it, otherwise I'm going to have a few frantic fundraising months in the lead up to the trip. Then again there's a chance that by then I'd have left it too late and I'd have to take a loan off of the most vicious loan shark I can think of, mummy. I know for a fact that if I was in debt with her she'd only do my washing begrudgingly and sometimes she might leave me to make my own dinners. What sort of a life is that for a 17 year old boy to live? If still in debt by the end of the summer she would probably expect me to fly the nest and get a higher education so that I can earn enough to pay back the horrifically inflated repayments she demands. By the time I hit middle-agedness I doubt I'd be able to go a chirstmas without having to stump up and entertain her as a guest. Then as her hair greys more and more she would most likely demand that I visit her simply equipped old person crib to supply her with increasingly difficult and time consuming jigsaw puzzles. As has become tradition I shall sign off with a quote, it was Groucho Marx who said that 'Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him'. And it looks like unless I pull my finger out I'm going to be controlled by mummy. Darn.

Monkey quotes- Paddy

Well well well. Today at roughly 5 o'clock, I bet Alex we would make less than a solitary pound after yesterdays gold rush. I was a fool. I was wrong. I am sorry I doubted you, the reader, but also that I doubted you, Alex, my brother in blogging. Please forgive my pessimism.
A second thing to point out tonight, is that ive started writing this post without thinking of enough content to make it worth while. I can't just post the apology so for the second time in this post, I declare myself a fool, this time for not planning. I'm going to continue to ramble until I strike blogging gold, a variation of the infinite monkeys and typewriters hypothesis, of you will. Said hypothesis being that if you took an infinite number of monkeys and gave them each a typewriter they would eventually and coherently type a great novel. I do believe in this day and age though blackberries would be more appropriate and the perfect tweet the goal.
I've decided that that is enough wittering from me, so shall end with a quote much like Alex did earlier as I'm too lazy to get my own gimmick. Actually, having conducted a brief search of the web, I found no suitably quotes by famous or witty people so I shall quote myself instead instead.
"Black is not a colour, it is the absence of colour." Just think about that and philosophise the deeper meanings of the statement.

Landmark surpassed - Alex

Well last night me and Paddy hit the big one, we're now on a list that beholds almost every other great blogger ever. Which landmark did we reach? We didn't reach any landmarks, we smashed one. The landmark in question is 200 page views, and we reached 226 as of bed time last night. Maybe we're not quite Perez Hilton or not even the written equivalent of his holiness Craig Benzine, however Rome wasn't built in a day.

The past few days have yielded very few exciting moment for me. Using the magic of Xbox 360 I managed to knock Manchester United out of the FA cup with Brentford. Sadly this was immediately followed by me leaping about my bedroom in jubilation singing the praises of my digital heroes. Not only does my glee earmark me as a loser, but also the fact that I now go on to let the whole wide world (my friends and our three exotic readers) know about my over developed gaming prowess. On top of that mad cupset I've listened to a lot of rap music, slaughtered countless dinosaurs and eaten like a pig. As I type out this boring ramble I'm munching through a small pile of pringles to help me survive until I muster up the will power to haul myself down into the kitchen to see what I can scavenge from the kitchen. I'm hoping for a sausage roll and then I might grab myself a few cheeky pickled onions for a tongue tickling treat. But before you launch into a rant about childhood obesity (Hayden lol) I shall stop you there and tell you one thing, anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. Einstein said that, and he was clever.

Should be doing physics- Paddy

As I sit here and type out this, the first blog of March, I should really be sat in my class doing physics. However, as this is a irritating additional lesson to help me with the maths, I've decided there are more pressing matters.
Firstly, one of my friends asked me to name drop her into this blog. I've decied that this is unacceptable and unfair to all other fans of the blog who do not know her and do not want to read about her. Therefore, I'm not going to say your name Charlotte. Ah damn it.
I see we have now got not only singular views from multiple continents, but repeating fans, and for that I thank our multicultural readers. Please recommend us to a friend of yours, who too can appreciatethe sheer talent and wit of myself, and also Alex I guess. Also, the settings on our blog have CHANGED! Now all of you can write a loving and appreciative comment on any of our posts regardless of whether or not you have a blogspot account. I'm sure you'll all be dying to see your little names up on the internet, on such a well known and prestigious blog as Alex 'n' Paddy. If the comments are especially fantabulous, you may even get a brief mention  in a future blog! What an incentive that is!
I feel my title for this blog is somewhat, misleading now. What if youve logged on to read of my exploits when i should be doing my work? I am sorry to disappoint you with talk of comments and settings. Please dont be too angry.