Lies and rant - Alex

Today I told a lie. But I didn't mean to lie, that I can promise you. The scenario in which the lie occurred was a fairly standard one. I was in the travel clinic receiving vaccinations for my approaching trip to Tanzania when the nurse asked me if I was excited for it. I replied, in my usual dead-pan tone, "I don't really get excited for anything." Then I got home (after purchasing road tax for the following year and filling my tank* up with the soon to be not available (if you believe the Daily Mail) petrol) and after several successful online bouts of FIFA 12 I got on the internet to pass some time. The fruit of my time on our beloved world wide web was listening to the single from the, soon to be released, new album by one of  my favourite bands, The Futureheads.

http://soundcloud.com/workit/the-futureheads-meet-me-2

An acapella reworking of the Black Eyed Peas song "Meet me half way". An amazing acapella assortment astoundingly achieved by an astute assembly of artistes. If you claim to not be impressed by that last sentence, then you are an absolute asinine addlebrain. So the note I shall leave you on is that I am very excited for April the 2nd, and the official release date of Rant by The Futureheads.

*The petrol tank in my Renault clio, I do not drive a military tank

3 Paragraphs- Paddy

I am going to  do a blog in 3 paragraphs today. Two of them will be, as promised, about Leicester and my "news", and the third will be on who knows what.
One. Leicester is a very nice university. I am now even considering it to be my number one university choice to attend in September, along with Cardiff, Southampton and Sussex, but not Loughborough.  I arrived in Leicester at 9.20, having left my house just after 7 as I had intended, but I couldn't tell you much else about the journey. I fell asleep. My dad drove. I did wake up half way there to have a lukewarm bacon roll from a motorway service station.
Two. My news. On Saturday morning at roughly 8.30am I leaving my house for 5 days to go to the county of Devon similar to this time last year. Because Devon is backward and without the internet, I shall be unable to blog for those few days. This means you will have to cope only with Alex' blogs and will have to satisfy your craving for me from the archives of Alex'n'Paddy. I apologise, but don't blame me, blame the Devoners or maybe the Devonish.
Three. A person in my year recently published the following paragraph on Twitter. It annoyed me in its pretentiousness and errors, so I decided to share with you. "A reason I do badly in some exams (Psychology) is because I attempt to answer questions uniquely, in a way no one else will. #THM It's just the way my mind works, scores you no marks in school/college but it's a vital skill in later life... I mean your not going to have a book giving you the answers before you face every trouble in life. Students should think for themselves... Students nowadays believe anything a book tells them. #1986#Orwellian Dangerous ways"

Bits and bobs - Alex

Having written a blog with mad length on Monday I have some tidying up to do. I will start off by saying that, in my eyes, Spanish prostitutes are fine having tattoos. This is mainly down to the fact that they do not seem to have much of a say in picking the tattoo. Also, I like to think that it's fairly obvious, but I have no beef with medical tattoos.

Now bit number two of my blog. Podcasts. Max Rushden has recently begun recording and releasing a podcast. For starters it is called "The cure for insomnia" and in episode number three he said my name! My actual name, first name and surname! He then continued to read out a tweet that I tweeted at him and then he made a small comment on the tweet. It was really riveting stuff, and I'm sure if you really care you could either download the podcast or just look back at my most recent tweets. But that isn't why I brought up podcasts, I mentioned them because it seems to be an intermediate between a vlog and a blog, that interests me. I doubt either me or Patrick have the drive, equipment or ... um... drive? To even record one episode of a podcast, let alone a whole series of them and then get them onto a podcast distributing site such as iTunes. But if we ever do you'll be the first to know. Well me and Patrick will know first, but you'll be next to know. Unless we tell people that we know. Well the morale of the story is that you'll find out early in the process!

Leicester- Paddy

Just a short little blog today because, although its not even 10.30 yet, I am about to go to bed. You see tomorrow I have another university open day to attend at Leicester. The people at Leicester decided that 10.00am was a good time to start an open day, a fact about which they were wrong. Leicester is roughly a 2.5hour drive from my house, so accounting for traffic and whatnot, I need to leave my house at the rather early time of 7.00am. This mean I have to be waking up at about 6.15 am. This is 1.5hours earlier than I usually get up on a Wednesday, and we all know morning and I don't get along. I'm going to cut this off here, leaving you with the tantalising facts that 1) on thursday I'll tell you all about Leicester, and 2) I have some news to share. Ooooh tantalising...

Body art - Alex

Ink, tats or whatever you call them, tattoos seem to be surprisingly rife among people my age (the 18-25 demographic). If you have any idea what I am like it must come as no surprise to you to find out that I look at tattoos with a great deal of scepticism.

There are the obvious draw backs of a tattoo, the most widely appreciated drawback being that a tattoo is (by definition) permanent. This comes up as an issue because how are you to know what the future holds for you? You might find it funny at one point to have a tattoo saying "made in Aldershot" around your belly button, but then 35 seconds after the completion of said tattoo you may look down at your newly destroyed belly buttons and think "cock, I destroyed my belly button and it makes me look stupid and probably much less respectable", but there is nothing you can do! Well not without great expense, and that is an argument for a different blog. I am talking about the reasons why I would not like a tattoo as opposed to the frightening laser filled methods of getting rid of one.

 My little brain has decided that the second reason not to get a tattoo is because many people seem to get tattoos for the sake of it. I am in the frame of mind that if I was to go to notable expense and significant pain to permanently change the pigment of my actual skin I would want it to fit the very bohemian idea of meaning something*. Some tribal art on your arm may look very pretty to some people, but the odds are that 95% people will think that you are a bit of a pillock.** I have nothing against a discreet tattoo with significant meaning (often commemorating the addition of/loss of a family member). Nor would I argue against an elaborately planned and deeply meaningful tattoo in which every single part has a valid argument behind it's need to be underneath your skin.

Enough of that, now for number three. And it is the financial and physical discomfort of getting a tat. I only have third person information but a tattoo seems to cost at least £50, which is the price of a brand new Xbox game. Also they seem to cause more pain than playing an Xbox game, as the worst pain I have ever received playing Xbox was probably when I hit myself really hard in the thigh because I once conceded a sloppy goal on Fifa.

So there you have it. Three reasons, put forward in paragraph format, why the most square person on the Internet would not get a tattoo, hpwever I would suggest that if you want to appear cool you should take anything I ever say and do the opposite. And to end on a fact, 1 in 4 Australian's under the age of 30 have a tattoo.

*That's about as close as I come to talking about my feelings. Well to strangers on the Internet anyway.
** Good piece of British slang there.

Working and Puns- Paddy

Hello Internet peoples! Today I promised you a long blog, and you shall not be disappointed with my length, unlike my ex-girlfriend.
First of all, I am going to talk about work today. I had work today and it was preposterously empty. In a 5 and a half hour shift I served no more than 20 individual people. Only 7 people ordered food, and for a pub, whose main source of revenue is food and beverages, this is very not good. Fortunately for the pub in which I work, it recently came under new management (on tuesday in fact) so many of the regulars are somewhat suspicious of returning for fear it may have changed too much. Give them time and they will return then, and then business will pick up nicely.
Second paragraph, unrelated to my employment. I have recently discovered a new favorite internet animal-based meme. It is the lame pun coon (not in the racist sense, its short for raccoon). If you click its name just there it will whisk you away to a website full of its lame but weirdly hilarious puns. I do love a pun me, I think they are the highest form of wit, no matter what Samuel Johnson, creator of the first English dictionary, may think.

Bog blog - Alex

I am sat on the toilet doing what I do best, and that is distracting myself from what you are actually supposed to do when on the porcelain throne. Right now I am putting off pushing, wiping and hand washing my sitting on the toilet with my boxers by my ankles and my laptop on my lap*, writing, as you may have realised, a blog. Whilst I sit here, letting the bird song caress my ears, two separate groups of people are fighting to socialise with me. Firstly a group of vagina possessing females want me to go and sit by a body of still water with them whilst revelling in the surprisingly summer like weather. My second options is a group of penis possessing males who want me to go and run about on a body of grass due to the surprisingly summer like weather.

Since writing that paragraph a few texts, calls and facebook messages have been exchanged and it seems that I am going to play football in but a small amount of time. You know what that means right? I better get on with what I sat down on the toilet to do!

*Low sperm count here I come.

Short Blog- Paddy

I have 28 minutes in which to write this blog and post it and still have it be upon my day. Unfortunately, I am somewhat inebriated and it just took 3 attempts to write 'and' in the previous sentence. Why am I inebriated? We went to the pub this evening, and I drank some beers. We thought it would be a good idea to sit outside in the pub garden, forgetting that, despite it being almost 20 degrees today, it still gets dark and cold at about 6pm. This meant we had to go and sit inside, and this then meant we had to leave the pub at rough;y 9.30 due to some of our party not having idea as they were not 18. Even more upsettingly, me and my tall friend had cycled to the pub because the weather was nice when we left, and this meant we had to cycle all the way back to mine, taking at least 20 minutes.
I am going to end this blog here, but I promise I will do a longer better one on Sunday! Bye!

Sunshine - Alex

On the second day of Spring 2012 the weather was glorious in my part of the world. In the shade it was 17 degrees and there wasn't much shade, it was gloriously sunny. I wore shorts and a short sleeved shirt, I'm not gonna lie, at 9:00 this morning it was about 8 degrees and overcast. I wasn't cold, but I knew that my outfit didn't fit the weather at the time. In fact, when Patrick saw me for the first time today at roughly 8:55 he said "it's not shorts weather". Obviously I refused to accept his point, I'm stubborn as a mule. None the less I knew that my outfit would really come into its own around about lunchtime. However i really knew it was proper authentic summer weather at about 4:35 (just 30 minutes ago), when I got in I was craving a cold drink. When I opened the fridge to see what drinks we had in there I had two choices, milk or the less suitable for growing children, beer. So I chilled in the living room, watching last nights match of the day, and drinking an ice cold Kronenbourg. I promise you that it's "la premiere biere francaise". Whatever that means.

Condom- Paddy

Watch this.
That is a video on YouTube of a group of teenage British males driving along a road with a condom being held out of the window so that it inflates like a giant sausage shaped balloon. I watched that video and then sent the link to my friend. He then watched the video. Then it struck us, we had a car, we had condoms (not for the sex, for the general owning of) and we had a road.
We struck out, him driving, me armed with the 'johnny' and three more of our friends in the back to observe. Well, we started driving and the condom inflated but only to its normal full size, as it it had been filled the invisible man's erect genitalia, but then at 80mph it blew up massive as shown in the video. It was amazing! In fact it was so fascinating, that one of our friends filmed on her phone, although I don't have a copy of that to show you (sad times). If you can drive, or know someone who does, and have access to condoms, or know someone who does, I recommend you try it.

Child of the 90's - Alex

I was perusing the internet last night, watching old clips from shows such as Kenan and Kel, Ed, Edd and Eddy and Dexter's laboratory to name just three. Gosh it got my juices flowing, it made me remember Saturday and Sunday mornings when I used to wake up early, storm into my parents room and ask if I was allowed to watch television. I always was, and it was always cartoons as a really small child. I began on Cartoon Network and then slowly advanced onto Nickelodeon. And now having just spent the last 15 minutes on youtube once again reliving my time as a small child I have some clips to show you, I hope you notice a theme...

BOOM
POW
ZING
PLOP
JEEPERS
CHEMICAL X - A SECOND POWERPUFF THEME SONG BECAUSE I'M NOT VERY MANLY

And the theme is... well themes... All of the shows had themes that to this day I can still recite (whistle along to) as if I was a pale 6 year old in front of his television. Which made me think, I miss proper theme tunes that were good. Today a television intro always seems a formality, the only grown up (well not aimed at a 6 year old) show I recall watching this year with a boss theme tune was "Noel Fielding's luxury comedy", and that show was awful. Here it is, as my goodbye gift.

Coat- Paddy

You remember Alex blogged before about how one of our friends had 7/8 coats (can't remember how many) but between us we only had 3? Well, now we have 4, and yes, my life is so dull I'm going to dedicate a whole blog to my new coat. At first I did consider a different coat to the one I bought, one that was quilted, but then I remembered quilting is in fashion, and I'm not fashionable, so I went for the other one. I don't have any picture of said new coat, so I'll just have to describe it to you. It's grey-blue and has pockets and a zip which starts weirdly far up it and a collar and some buttons. The coat itself is made by Levi's which is quite a prestigious clothing label, or so I hear. The price on the label said £105.00, which is quite a lot of money even for a well labelled coat. However, because I am poor, and because Next had a poor selection of coats and Topman/Burtons were shut I was coat shopping in TK Maxx (which, for our american friends is the same as TJ Maxx but with a K). Classy, I know. Anyway, because I was in TK Maxx the £105.00 coat was on sale for only £39.99! That's almost 2/3 off its retail value. So I decided to buy it. However, I couldn't buy it. For why? Because my ex-girlfriend works in TK Maxx and things are bare awkward between us, like more awkward than the socially awkward penguin. So I got my dad to go and buy it instead, problem solved.

GOML - Alex

GOML is a term for get on my level. I think people should get on Manchester United's level (excluding cup competitions). We won a game of football 5-0 within the last hour, and it was easier than Paris Hilton. This is good news for you, me and my Mum because it means that I'm in a good mood right now; and we all know that good mood Alex is synonymous with hilarious witty Alex*.

So, last night I celebrated all things Irish. You could even say that I was too Irish, I mean I was wearing a t-shirt with the US flag on it whilst listening to predominantly American rap music and playing on the Canadian developed FIFA 12 on the Xbox 360 which was developed in America as the Brazilian national football team. In England. BUT the toes and heels on my socks were green, and I am ginger. So even though the very Irishly named Paddy claims to be 1/16th Irish I like to think that his Portuguese roots** cancel that out. The only things Ireland has in common with Portugal is it's currency, the continent it sits in and the fact that it is a country. I can't think of anything else, zilch, nada, nil.

Final little treat for you, my hair has changed a lot. I will show you a picture of it soon, but if you aren't ever so slightly lifted by the instant change you are... probably going to be in the majority of people.

*As demonstrated by my Paris Hilton joke.
** I think he's a little bit Portuguese, I'll feel like an awful friend if he isn't/

St. Paddy- Paddy

WELL WHAT HAVE WE HERE THEN? I'll tell you what we have; it's a blog by Paddy! Yaaay! And to make it even better, its St Patrick's Day, and that is what my name actually is! OMG. By way of recognizing this day of Irish-ness I will do this entire blog in green. That makes it all Irish and stuff obviously. 
However, despite it being the day of my, I have  no special plans by which to commemorate it. Alex does, despite not having an ounce of Irish in him, he is going to our large friends house to consume large quantities of Guinness, whiskey and other such stereo-typically Irish drinks. I am not attending this celebration, despite being 1/16 Irish myself, because I am a working man as I have previously mentioned, and so I must be going off to work. Hard times. However, should fortune shine down upon me, and my place of work is somewhat empty, then I shall be released from the place of pints possibly as early as 10pm! In that case, I shall head home, change, and head back out to my friend's place of residence. he recently moved from one house to another, the newer of which is a mere 5 minute walk from my house.
Well, I'm off now. Enjoy your St Patrick's Day

Rock down to electric avenue - Alex

The title has no relation to the content of this blog whatsoever, I just have Absolute80s on and Eddie Grant is making my bottom wiggle. So now I plan to spend the next 10 minutes (or however long it takes you to read this blog) making you raise one corner of your mouth. I'm obviously not funny enough to make you laugh in any audible way, but I like to think that I can lift your soul a tad and brighten your Friday. The first way I intend on doing this is with some physical comedy, me. I am going to show you a picture of what I am currently wearing.

So working from top to bottom, I am wearing a yellow/green t -shirt with (I can't remember which Asian) cartooned over. It also has the slogan "No brains, no headache" on it, it's what you could call "silly". My thighs are just about covered by a rather fetch pair of purple Anderlecht football shorts. They are size "large boys", I am size "average adult". My socks (which I love) make it look like a shark is gobbling up my ankles. Here they are so you can take a closer look if you actually care. Then my footwear, a new pair of blue suede shoes are at home on my size 9 feet. My favourite thing about having a pair of blue suede shoes is that I can now listen to Elvis Presley telling me

"But don't you step on my blue suede shoes.
You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes"

And I can understand where he is coming from. I can now empathise with the king of rock and roll. Not to be confused with the kings of rock and roll...



these guys are different class... (and also who Patrick decided to style his hair cut on (but only when he's done his quiff in a rush)))

Cities- Paddy

Today am I going to do a blog about a piece of news that takes my fancy. But before I do that, I need to peruse the paper and pick a piece of news worthy of my blog.
Well, I have searched the paper and I have decided to blog about the city of St. Asaph. But I've never heard of the city of St. Asaph? That's what I imagine you cried just then, and in answer to your (probably imagined) cries I shall tell you that until yesterday there was no city of St. Asaph. For you see, St. Asaph is, or should I say was, a small town in North Wales with a population of only 3,400 and yesterday, it was granted city status to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. But why was St. Asaph chose? Well, it already had the unofficial status of "ecclesiastical city" due to it being the home of the UK's smallest cathedral, so it seemed sensible enough to upgrade it to official city status. However, despite its tiny population (my college has roughly the same number of students as the whole of the city), it isn't the smallest city in the UK. That honour belongs with the West Wales city of St. Davids, population 1,700.

Big, long and desired - Alex

There are many things that fit the description that titles this post. one of them, for instance, is Christopher Samba's love log. Although, much more predictably, I am talking about this post. Ever since my old laptop broke the best part of a month ago you have been starved of quality blog, all you've had to feed on are crumbs of my wit and feasts of Paddy's value range humour. So here to help you catch up are some pictures of my hair, it is the first update since the 28th of December. Today is day 172 since I shaved my hair!

That is about the last month of growth you can see there ---> Or more like, you can't see. THERE IS NO GROWTH! The size my hair looks (I like that it is now "size" as opposed to "length", it means it's getting more like a fro') is entirely dependent on how much I fluff it up before I take the photo or go out. Also I apologise for the big gap that seems to have appeared right below this paragraph, I think I'll blame Paddy.

Now, as promised two days ago I will talk to you about the Reading festival and compare and contrast it to the idea of a lads holiday. So far I can make out 40 confirmed acts to perform at Reading across the whole weekend. Of them 39 I would pay to see individually Kasabian, The Black Keys, Bombay Bicycle Club, The Vaccines, OFWGKTA, Kaiser Chiefs, Maccabees, Foster the People, The Courteeners, The Cribs and Two Door Cinema Club. To save you the trouble of adding that up, there are 11 acts I would pay to see individually. And a Reading ticket costs £205, £220 if you want early entry. So that's £19 per act I genuinely want to see, not awful value I will admit. Also, £70 per day of music and booze fuelled fun. Less good value. Now to contrast that with our potential* lads holiday. the price of the holiday we want to book if £475 per person, and that is our hotel, travel and luckily for us it's all inclusive. Now, £475 by 7 works out at £70 per day of sun and booze fuelled fun. Oh my, the numbers match up. Now my opinion is that I would rather go on the lads holiday than to Reading festival. As my calculations have shown, in terms of value they are very comparable. So it is purely a matter of personal taste as to which adventure appeals most to ones self. And for me, I can think of nothing more appealing than spending a week getting sun burnt, getting too drunk, not getting ladies and spending time with boys who will inevitably get on my tits. Right on them.

And now for a third main topic of this blog! I did promise you it would be long, and by golly this blog will go down in history as one of the longer posts ever put on the infrequently visited attempt at humour that is Alexnpaddy. and it's going to be a bit of a history lesson, a history lesson that may have already been taught, but that's the best thing about history, it can't get old because that's the whole point of it. Alexnpaddy originally began as a bit of a tester. You see Patrick wanted to be Charlieissocoollike/Wheezy waiter/any vaguely successful vlogger. He wanted to post videos which were viewed world wide by anyone and everyone. Being the sceptical, pessimistic and more physically and mentally developed of the two of us I went "Hey, woah, slow down there skippy. You'd have to buy a camera and probably a microphone. That could set you back a euro or two, why not start a free blog to gauge how much popularity you can muster?" to which he managed to whimper a reply of "But Alex I'm not funny enough to do it all by myself, help me?". Or something like that, my memory isn't my best friend. Well that was our big bang, our immaculate conception. I don't think either immaculate or big is a word that should be used to describe it, but I don't care. None the less, here we are over a year later and I guess that so far we still don't have enough to support to start posting videos of our faces moving whilst our mouths make noises. You've had to settle for our fingers, and believe you me, you're not the first person to have to settle for my fingers. I recently stumbled across a guy from mine and Patrick's college who makes videos for youtube. I've never spoken to him in my life** so I have no idea if he's a nice guy or an absolute batty crease, but I figure that if I plug him (not like physically stick something of mine in one of his orifices, that would be a weird thing to do considering I've never met the bloke), and then tell him that I've plugged him. Alexnpaddy may get a shout out in one of his videos, which are more popular than this blog. Or maybe a link in his dooblydoo. Or he might even think "Well I have 14 hours to kill, I'm going to read every post on this rotten corner of the internet" and come out of it desperate to interview us for his "Let's explore" series, yeah I watched more than one video. so here are two of his videos!
Numero uno
Numero dos
Now I take no responsibilities for the verbal nasties, I just want a new e-friend.

Ps. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8BPP4ASQWo&feature=related
*Our Mexican friend is painfully difficult to organise with.
** But we do share a couple of friends, including an Asian called James.

Haircuts- Paddy

Today is a Tuesday so as per usual I only had a solitary lesson this morning. It was standard. However, after that sole history lesson, I had a haircut. Not just any haircut though, it was a haircut done for free, by a female I know, who had never cut hair before. The female in question was my moaning friends significant other. The reason I let her cut my hair is because next year she is forsaking university to do a hair-dressing course at the local technology college. I thought it would be kind of me to let her practice her hair-styling abilities on my very own barnet. I was somewhat apprehensive initially, but my hair has turned out no worse than it was before, so that's a plus. My only criticism of her hair cutting display was that at one point she did stab me in the side of the head with quite a sharp pair of scissors. Well, actually stab is an understatement, she basically chopped my whole ear off with the the scissors. There was a whole lot of blood and I had to go to hospital and the gave me a prosthetic ear to put over the remaining ear stump so that I didn't look like a bad Vincent van Gogh impersonator. Some of those last couple of sentences may not be true.

Honey, I'm home - Alex

I wrote my title out on my new laptop, and planned to write a really long blog. But instead I had to give my laptop back to my dad so that he could transfer all of my data across to it. So I'm in bed blogging on my phone with a reeeaaallyyy itchy bum hole, sweaty bits and sleepy eyes. Well tonight my football team were confirmed as the fifth place team in the Aldershot district league 5-a-side second division. I think we qualified for the Europa league by finishing there. Odds are you don't understand that. So it's nearly time I feel asleep, but on Wednesday I'll do a big blog, probably talking about Reading festival and our lads holiday.

Rugby- Paddy

Rugby isn't something I often let consume too much of my time. I'm not a huge fan of it. Its just a worse version of football, where they don't use their feet, or a ball, and get hurt a lot. However, today I did watch some rugby! The game I chose to watch was England vs France in the RBS Six Nations. It was, as rugby games go, quite a good encounter. If I'd  have been French though (which would be disgusting), I'd probably have another opinion as England won by 24 points to a paltry 22. Thats basically all I have to say on the topic of Rugby, I don't have the technical knowledge to be able to comment on or analyse the intricacies of the game. I will Google something for you so you don't feel disappointed by the lack of actual rugby info in this blog. Well, now I've done some research I can tell you that England scored three tries as they became the first side to win a Six Nations game in Paris since 2008. How's that for a good bit of rugby based trivia for all you little rugby nerds out there? Yeah you like that don't you. 

A day for bare feet - Alex

Today is Saturday, yesterday was Friday and tomorrow is Sunnndddaaaay. My body thinks that today is Sunday though, youn see, I had a day off from college yesterday. Because of the lack of college on Friday I went out clubbing on the Thursday night to drown my results stimulated sorrows. That made my Thursday night feel like a Friday night and consequently my Friday day feel like a Saturday day. I hope you're keeping up. Then on my actual Friday night which felt like my Saturday night I went round a friends house and we played UFC 2009 on the sexbox and then a Pokemon drinking game. That's right, mixing my favourite childhood cartoon/card game with what the media claim is any teenagers favourite past time - drinking alcoholic beverages with the sole purpose of "getting messy". Well I got about as messy as the bookcase of an OCD sufferer (or their kindle library, if it's a particularly techy OCD sufferer). I'm going off course, so today feels like my Sunday. Even though it's a Saturday. So far today I've watched "Take it like a fan", "Soccer am", "Football focus" and am currently enjoying the box office special that is QPR vs Bolton Wanderers. Notice a theme? Yup, everything is to do with football. Which leads me seamlessly into my next point, my outfit. A Netherlands 06-07 jersey adorns my torse and a standard pair of black Manchester united shorts cover my dignity. Much like my day, everything in my outfit is to do with football. And another aspect of my outfit? No socks. Because its my Sunday my feet deserve a bit of fresh air, although what I will do tomorrow is anyone's guess. It will be Sunday, it won't feel like my Monday because I won't have college or football, but it can't feel like my Sunday because today's my sunday. And you can't have two Sundays in a row. Can you? My brain hurts. I'm going to clip my nails, get a cup of tea and then enjoy the second half. Arrivederci.

Ticket- Paddy

Today was a Friday, the last weekday of the standard week. There is a tradition I partake of on Fridays, and that is Man-Free. It is a free period I spend with 3 of my other male friends, in which we do manly activities, usually involving food. Today we opted to have KFC, the manliest of the big fast food franchises. I drove us there, and pulled up in a loading bay as there were no parking spaces available. As we stepped out of the car a man warned me that people often receive parking tickets. I thanked him for his information and entered KFC. I placed my order and then decided to return to my car to prevent it being ticketed. I rounded the corner to where I had parked my vehicle and lo and behold there was a Traffic Warden. I sprinted to my car, with one of my companions in hot pursuit, and unlocked it. However, the warden (being a massive ******) had already pushed the print button on his machine and had to therefore give me my ticket anyway. I was somewhat outraged, having left my car for no longer than 2 minutes. TWO! I didn't even obstruct anyone from loading during that time. However, there was a plus to all this, we got given a free bottle of Pepsi by the KFC staff accidentally.

Future - Alex

I have no future and my life is going to be rubbish. Or at least that is what I would have told you at about 9:00 this morning. Right now I'd just tell you that "I have no future and my life is going to be substandard". The reason for this sudden bout of pessimism is because my exam results came out this morning. I expected the worst and got just above the worst. Dang. Although Patrick has had a bit of a nightmare too, but that's not my business to tell you about so I'll let him tell you about that. But more news the make me GREATLY happy is that my technology expert has come back to me with the news on my laptop. I have been told that if I have some flowers and soil I can bury it. Also, it turns out I didn't have an appointment at the travel clinic, sadly only found this out when the condescending desk man told me that my appointment had not gone through but I could have another one in 6 days. So to summarise I have had a truly awful day and am in the most rotten mood possible. So I won't bog you down with a crap blog, instead I'll go off and cry.

Creepy- Paddy

I have just returned from an excursion to Camberley. The reason for this trip was to see the film Project X, a  a 2012 comedy-thriller film directed by Nima Nourizadeh in his feature film debut. However, upon the arrival of myself, our tall friend, the anonymous guest blogger, and Rachael, the other guest blogger, we found out that Project X was not showing due to a fault with the projector. This lead to our decision to see Woman in Black instead. Woman in black is a 2012 supernatural horror-thriller film directed by James Watkins and written by Jane Goldman, and is based on Susan Hill's novel of the same name. It is as effing creepy as a french pancake (see what I did there? I am hilarious). ANYHOO, it was a surprisingly good film , and it was much better than when I went to see Chronicle a couple of weeks ago.
On an unrelated note, have a gander at this video. That is the now viral Kony 2012 video. Some of you have probably already seen it, but those of you who haven't should watch it. Even if you don't want to be part of the global campaign, at least watch it and find out.

Could have been, should have been - Alex

I just watched Arsenal beat AC Milan 3-0. Sadly for Arsenal they were still knocked out by a 4-3 aggregate result. Tonight they started off playing like heroes, everything seemed to go well for them. In the second half instead of heroes they just played like fairly high standard professional footballers. The moral of the story is that being a hero is good.

Alexnpaddy is a little bit like the two games I just spoke about. We went into creating a blog fairly pessimistically, expecting 3 views a day, 2 of which would have been from immediate family. Then stuff got going and our page views just kept rising and rising (you could call it the "snowball effect", but I got told off for using that phrase in an essay once). Stuff looked really really promising. And now? Well now the gloss has been taken off of Alexnpaddy, clearly, otherwise our daily views would not have halved since this time last month. It's really upsetting and it makes me frown. So we were heroes, now we are not heroes, just teenage boys completing A-levels. I guess it was fun whilst it lasted. I did like being a hero.

Biggest Games- Paddy

Today is a reasonably sad day. It is the end of an era some might say. Those some would be me and alex, and probably not many others. For you see tonight is the last ever game of the (formerly Hufflepuff) Young Boys. Now what will we blog about on a Tuesday? Its always been a good topic to use, but tomorrow is likely to be the last time it can be used. Sad times indeed.
Fortunately for everyone, tonight's game is probably the biggest game ever in Alex and Paddy's Young Boy's history. Even bigger than the one featured in the blog entitled "Big Games". For this game we are playing the Woking Kebabs. They have 1 game in hand on us. They are level on points with us. They have a goal difference 10 worse than us. Basically, it boils down to we need to win this to finish above them in the league. Also their game in hand is against bottom of the division so is almost guaranteed to be a win.
But why do we need to beat them so badly? I mean its only a battle for 5th place in the second division of a 5-a-side league. Well, the members of the Woking Kebabs also attend our college and we are quite good friends with some of them. So it's a pride thing. Also they beat us 3-1 last time out, so it's also a revenge thing.

Fail - Alex

It's 10 in the morning and already three "fails" stand out to me. Firstly me posting a blog yesterday instead of today. I am a useless idiot who deserves to be shot in the face with a double barrel shotgun. Fail numero dos (that's "number two" in European) came when I was getting dressed. I'm sure it has happened to all of you, put on deoderant, put on a black top and then... ah.... I seem to have white marks all down my front. So it takes 5 minutes in front of the tap to get rid of them, bare hassle. Finally, my third fail is my inability to pre-pepare a third fail, leaving me exposed and ashamed. Luckily not having a third fail could step in as my third fail though.

What
A
Relief.

I love you.

TWO BLOGS- Paddy

WHAT? A SECOND BLOG ON THE SAME DAY?! Yes. For you see Alex was supposed to do his blog yesterday. He did not do his yesterday, instead he did his 2 hours ago. However, I see no reason why I should not do my blog on Saturday just because he got a wee bit confused with his dates. Hopefully he will see that I have done this, and will remember to do his post tomorrow as he should do.
One issue with what Alex has done here though is the fact that he may have stolen the topic I wanted to blog about. Nevertheless, I shall persevere. Here is a picture of me and Alex not enjoying the early part of the night at 'spoons.

Well, this blog is probably the worst thing ever to appear on the internet since Blue Waffle. I am not sure I can even bare (or maybe bear?) to continue it. Sorry for letting you down, but really its mainly Alex's fault.

Clubbing: a review - Alex

This time yesterday me and Patrick were what you could call "clubbing virgins". Never had we, for good reason (mainly not being old enough), been in a club during our 18 years of being. Well now "clubbing virgins" Alex and Paddy are not. We got invited out, we went out and I like to think we made the most of it. However, there are many things which still confuse me about clubbing...

I don't understand why clubs open so late. It is truly preposterous that you would want to begin your evening of debauchery at gone eleven o'clock. Because we are such big drinkers we went to spoons* before going into the club. Although we did not go into Whetherspoons until about twenty past ten, a time when normally I would be cosy in bed listening to classic fm. Personally I think it would make much more sense to go out at eight, that way you could be home by eleven and hence you could fall asleep at a reasonable time. By the time I got in it was between two and three am, when I felt the adverse affects of another problem...

Jagerbombs. Sure, I like them. £1 for a feeling of manliness and obviously a measure of elk blood** is a good deal. Having said that, bloomin' heck that amount of energy drink isn't good for getting to sleep. I had maybe 5 and when we got in neither I, nor Patrick could get to sleep. For that reason we ended up playing two games of FIFA and I did very badly in both. So once again a fault of "clubbing" is that fact that it viciously assaults the idea of having anything even similar to a full nights sleep. And i know what you're saying, "just don't have jagerbombs, surely?", well no. That is not an option I'm afraid.

There are lots of people in clubs, lots of people who are inevitably consuming lots of alcohol. That means that it gets crowded, hot and surprisingly not actually too sweaty. The main problem with this is that you end up rubbing against people you don't know, which is peculiar.

The music is awful, and music is a term used loosely. I don't even feel the need to expand on this point. So I won't.

We were lucky enough to go to the club on "£1" night, where shots or a bottle of beer were just one British pound each. Even with this very good price per drink it is still a fairly expensive night when lifts are taken into account. That is the main reason that I wouldn't go clubbing very often, not only would a develop a little bit of a drink problem (or a big bit of a drink problem) but I would also develop a huge bit of a wallet problem.

Despite all of these issues with clubbing, and by no means have I said all of them, I am surprised by how not-unejoyable it was. I went there expecting to dread every second of it and I didn't. I can even say that I enjoyed myself, but I think that had I gone clubbing with a worse group of people I would have enjoyed it less. To summarise, clubs are bad places full of bad people, but throw in some good friends and a safe amount of affordable alcohol and it isn't the dreadful experience I expected.

Ps. Drink responsibly.

*A British chain of pubs, they are cheap and hence fairly popular.
** An urban myth is that jagermeister contains the blood of a deer of some sort. It doesn't.

Elephant- Paddy

Well hello there, fancy meeting you in this sordid little corner of the world wide interweb. Only I haven't actually met anyone here. There are 2 reasons for this. First, this is but a humble blog and not some sort of dating/hook up website so there is no way to meet people. Secondly, all you readers have been slacking off in recent weeks. Only 11 views today. Only 21 yesterday. Only 18 the day before. It's not really good enough. Come on guys, pick up the slack and get reading, get your families reading, get your friends reading, even get strangers you've just met to have a quick shufti at our blog. I know Alex mentioned this a couple of days ago, but apparently his words were not strong enough. I'm sure you'd all (the few of you that were left anyway) noticed the ever declining number of you being here (I'm also assuming everyone who's left here knows everyone else who's here). It had become something of an elephant in the room or in this case an elephant on the blog. Well, now the metaphorical elephant is out in the open, freely roaming the vast Savannah of the internet and I hope you will all do something about it.