Dad- Paddy

Dads are some of the smartest people in the world. I'm fairly certain that on a scale of genius-ness they rank somewhere between Stephen Fry and Google. See, as a small child there seemed to be no question that my own father didn't know the answer too, thereby by default making him a genius. Obviously now, as a mature and wise 17 year old, I can see that my childish questions along the lines of "who is the best ever footballer?" or "how does tv work?" could easily be brushed aside with easy answers that I would be unable to tell if they were wrong. Therefore my dad could get away with lying in certain cases, just saying something smart sounding, at least smart to a 7 year old so in fact pretty much anything. That said, my dad is still annoyingly good at winning things involving trivial knowledge and pub facts. Every year at Christmas, for example, we play a game called The Faces Board. For those of you who aren't regular guests at my house at Christmas, The Faces Board has pictures of 30 celebrities, historical figures and generally well known people, including one controversial year a picture of Alex, which must be identified and named in 5 minutes. By his own admission, and mine and his wifes (who coincidentally is my mother), my dad is freakishly good at this game and if my memory serves correctly, his team has won for the last many years. One day I hope my child does the future equivalent of this blog type thing about how I'm a genius and he wishes he was me.

Inexcusable - Alex

I am a terrible terrible person, I didn't blog yesterday. For that I have no genuine excuse. I let you down, I let Patrick down, but most of all I let myself down. I was at a barbecue for some of the day and then I was in a tent, to try and make it up to you I shall post today to make up for it and again tomorrow.

Today I helped to man a stall at the local donkey derby, I was hosting the "whack-a-rat" part of our stand. However across the day I also referred to it as "splat-a-rat", just because I could. To try and churn up all sorts of fun feelings we all had our faces painted, I was told that a clown was the best idea for me because it went with my hair. Upsetting. Alas, never one to ruin others fun, I complied and within 5 minutes I looked like the creepiest clown you could ever see. Well that's not strictly true, because as it began to rain my face paint ran. I honestly looked like the joker. To finish the blog I shall show you what I looked like.

Serious Football - Paddy

This will be a serious blog, written seriously about a topic that all European Football fans will care about. All non-Europeans/ people who don't like football, I'm sorry but this is a serious matter.
The matter in hand is, of course, the 2011 UEFA Champions League Final, to be contested tonight between Manchester United and FC Barcelona. It has been deemed by many great footballing pundits such as... Actually I'm going to leave that example blank, as I can not find a suitable name in the newspaper, feel free to insert a suitable person if the blank annoys you. Anyway, I have some incredible(for a given value of incredible) stats to tell you in regards to tonights clash. First of all the Barcelona team is on average 2years younger, 3inches shorter and 6pounds lighter than their Manchurian counterparts. Could this all play a vital role? Who knows, but I for one doubt it'll have too great an impact. I do not believe that the XI from the north will be able to defeat the other XI from Spain/Catalonia, depending on patriotic and stuff the Barcelona team are feeling. I'm sure this opinion of mine with upset many other readers, not least of all my significant other(not like a romantic one though), Alex as he himself is terrifically Manchester United based in his football support. But you know what, I don't care about his opinion.
I feel the seriousness of this blog faded towards the end somewhat, but it's my blog I can do what I like on it!

Grumpy gills - Alex

Someone who I look up to recently said "Ugh. People who use big words are so meretricious", now that's a direct quote from Craig Benzine. Obviously an individual with a lisp who, and this is just me inferring, is named after the Benzene ring. Something else that happened recently was I FINISHED MY EXAMS FOR THE TIME UNTIL MY NEXT EXAMS START. And I don't even have to attend college for the next week and a half, in this week and a half I plan to go full on Charlie Sheen. I'm going to snort or smoke anything that isn't nailed down (I know he passed the drugs test, it's less fun to imagine him as someone who partakes in clean living).

Within the last hour I have pushed my limits. What did I do I'm sure you'll say with great intrigue, well I had a cup of coffee after 9pm. The caffeine high hasn't hit me yet, but I'm sure that come bed time (Or as it's a Friday night you could call it ten o'clock) I'll still be fidgety and energetic. If I was a star of television I would have to tell you not to try it at home, alas I am not. I only co-occupy a small crevice in the Internet, although an ever expanding crevice, as if someone has put some of that builders foam in it.

At the moment I have a song stuck in my head, I figure that by placing this link here it will get out of my head and either into your head for eternity or will enrage you due to your personal taste in music not being aligned with mine. Well here it is, you bloody scallywags. Now for a showbiz exit line...

Thank you for taking the time to read this entry, I have been Alex Pointon and I hope you have been entertained. For now, good night.

Physics has featured in 2 of these now - Paddy

Blogging from my computer today! It has buttons large enough to type with, I feel like blogging royalty, although not much like royalty as I'm not married to Kate Middleton.
Anyways, I am, as a I type, currently revising physics for my AS level exam in roughly 11 days. Physics is of course defined as:  The branch of science concerned with the nature and properties of matter and energy. The subject matter of physics, distinguished from that of chemistry and biology, includes mechanics, heat, light and other radiation, sound, electricity, magnetism, and the structure of atoms. According to Google that is. 
Physics according to me is: effing hard. This is of course made harder when I log on to my college website in order to access physics based quizzes to revise from and find they have all got weird errors in now and won't load. I feel this is starting to get a bit rant-ish so heres my partner alex to defuse some of the tension:

Now despite the straight hair i can assure you that the man above is in fact Alex. I know he looks different to the curly haired loon in the new blog banner (did you see the new banner? Its at the top of the page, alex made it. Isn't he clever?), but that is because he straightened it for an evening of festivities that were themed like a decade a long time ago so he had to straighten his hair and don a bow tie.
Right that took us off topic. Now im going to go learn about the quantum properties of light and how sometimes light acts as a wave, as seen in the Young's double slit experiment, but at other times acts as a particle, or photon, as seen in the photoelectric effect. But of course you already know that.

Dip time - Alex

If the period over which I completed my exams were a running race, metaphorically of course, I am nearing the time where I would "dip". Now if you are unfamiliar with this not so technical term I shall elaborate, dipping is the bit that the runners do just before the finish line to ensure that they cross the line before any of their competitors and hence finish the race as highly placed as possible. I'm sure you have already noticed to similarities between this and my situation, as I am nearing the end I need to apply just the last little bit of effort and then I'm done. This is very exciting for me, this time next week without the stress of examinations I will be able to lounge about in my boxer shorts all day and play show tunes at a ridiculous volume. Just for the record my show tunes of choice include "Springtime For Hitler" and the much less comically based "You Can't Stop The Beat" from Hairspray. That's right, I actually have favorite show tunes. To stop you judging me I shall disclose some information about Patrick, sometimes late at night when he gets lonely he watches Disney films on YouTube in parts.

It's also dip time because I know there's salsa in my fridge and I fancy some Doritos. Mmmm yeah, calories.

So I'm gonna go get my munch on and then learn about seive cells, tape worms and dinosaurs. Enjoy the rest of your day home dawg.

Top scorer? - Paddy

I bring you all bad news readers, or good news of you only read this to see how pathetic our lives are. The news is that me and Alex are now locked in an epic race, the result of which may shake our bromamce to it's very core. As our five aside football (soccer for you Americans) team's season draws to an end, me and Alex find ourselves in direct competition for the top scorer position, me on 12goals and Alex just behind on 10. This closeness in our scores has led to a small degree of rivalry between us and I fear that should he overtake ne in the 96 minutes of football remaining our friendship may not cope and at least one of us might have an "accident". This links me back to the bad news as with Alex dead- I mean with Alex indisposed for blogging it nay be the end of Alexnpaddy for all time. I wouldn't be too scared though, I'm not going to lose.

Slow and steady - Alex

As a small child I was told a story about a tortoise beating a hare in a race because he was better at pacing himself.

Quick joke here - Why did the bald man get rabbits tattooed on his head?
                             Because from a distance they look like hares!

Well this little story has helped me motivate myself in the desperate times that I am going through. Today alone I have completed four biology past papers, urgh. Although as I went from one to the next my grades went up and up. I began with a U, then a cheeky E followed by a C and then to crown it off a brilliant B. B for boobies.

Slow and steady is also how Patrick has grown, I remember him when he was but a meagre fraction of my height, however now he towers over me by 0.000000000000000001322156 light years. Crafty little fella. Although he is still scrawny, his limbs do look a little bit like bread sticks with a joint in the middle and a pentadactyl attachment on the end.

And my last example of something that was slow and steady? The improvement of the form displayed by Manchester United this season! <3 Now we just have one game left where we get to be out-classed by miniature Hispanics. And between then and now I have to decide my future, it's not going to go well.

Adventures in Time and Space (London)- Paddy

10 out of 195 countries in the world have now been on this blog at least one time. Thats 5.13% of countries and equivalent to an average of 117.3 page views per country. But that's enough statistics for today. I have other things to discuss.
Today I visited London, the capital city of this glorious nation (nicely patriotic there). It was fairly warm in London and I saw a TARDIS. For those of you who aren't overly geeky a TARDIS is a time machine from the hit British television series Dr Who. For those of you who are geeks I don't believe any more has to be said about why seeing the TARDIS is all exciting and what not as it means I will now inevitably be whisked away by the Doctor for adventures in space and time.
I'm now going to take a brief break in writing this to eat my dinner. For you the transition to the next paragraph will be instantaneous but for me it will require at least half an hour and a pizza.
Right moving on, at a completely different and unrelated place in London I saw the UEFA Champions league trophy and a football boot previously worn by Lionel Messi in the 2009 final. For non football fans Messi is very good at football and that's what makes this interesting and stuff. Obviously for football fans, proper football that is, none of this American stuff, they all know what I'm talking about and need no further information.
Over.

Horrible - Alex

Hello, my name is Alex and I'm really tired. Sorry for not having updated this recently, my exams have caught up with me and I feel about as lively as an alpaca that has been in a duel with Optimus Prime. It's not cold yet I'm wearing my thickest sweatshirt and even my slipper socks, I feel under the weather and I don't like it. Whilst Patrick is hoping for straight A's (and he's an annoying smart arse who will probably get them) I myself would be grateful for C's. Today I did a Maths exam and anything above a U would surprise me.

QUESTION.

U is a vowel and before a vowel you should say an as opposed to a, but say an U out loud. I don't take English, and if I did I may well have killed myself by now, but the letter U seems somewhat enigmatic. Well for now I must love and leave you because I have to squeeze in some more revision so that my future isn't as terrible as it could be.

Disappointment- Paddy

Thus far this week, and by week I mean since Saturday, has been rife with disappointment for me. I'm sure you'll all find my horror entertaining as you're all so very sadistic and what not. Anyway, I begin my tale of woe by watching the annual eurovision song contest. My disappointment I'm sure is no surprise to you as once again the UK failed to even look like being good at singing and lost to Jedward. For those of you from beyond Europe, the eurovision is a competition where the former USSR countries all vote for each other and Jedward are twins who don't sing well and lost on the xfactor several years ago.
Disappointment two occured on Sunday afternoon, as I'm sure you all recall I recently saw Farnborough FC secure a playoff spot, well yesterday I went to see Farnborough in the Playoff Final against the mighty Ebsfleet. It did not go well for "boro", they were 3-0 down at 70 minutes and it appeared to be all over. However a glimmer of light appeared in the 85th minute as Farnborough scored one goal and then another in quick succession. All us Farnborough fans got excited and hopeful and then Ebsfleet scored again. Further disappointment for me as the defeat was soul crushing and what not.
Disappointment 3 came but an hour ago, and by now I'm sure you're wondering how I cope, as I received a letter from the Driving Standards Agency. They told me that my driving test has been delayed for no apparent reason to a day later. This may not seem too bad but it's still annoying.
My exams start tomorrow so I better hope my luck changes and I get straight A's which whilst unlikely is still a possibility. Good luck to me! And to you I guess, but only if you also have exams.

Rally - Alex

ral·ly ¹  (rl)

v. ral·lied, ral·ly·ing, ral·lies

v.tr.

1. To call together for a common purpose; assemble: rally troops at a parade ground.

2. To reassemble and restore to order: rally scattered forces.

3. To rouse or revive from inactivity or decline:

 

Now I'm not a fanatic off road car racing fanatic, heck I'm hardly a fanatic about anything. But I put that down to the fact I lack emotions, however this blog may have repercussions that are noted down in history (more likely it joins the list of completely forgettable texts you have read on this web page). I want you to spread the word please, I want our blog to be the live example of the third definition on what's at the top of this post. I want our stats to BLOW through the roof. I want doesn't mean I get, so I also have this to entice you... When our blog views are x5 what we are currently achieving I will do my best to snort a line of cocaine off of the back of a walrus, and failing that I will do my gosh darn best to substitute fairly. Tell your friends, show your parents, I'd be happy if you just visit more frequently. I just wanted to try and have my own little Churchill moment, I wish you the best of luck for your upcoming exams if you are a peer of mine and if not I hope you have a brilliant evening. Standard.

The man in the red tie with a beard- Paddy

Now we are back to our usual system of alternate days, despite those days being reversed, I need to chuckle at Alex. As he mentioned yesterday the apprentice restarted on the tele. In the first few minutes he predicted that the "man with a beard and a red tie is going to win the whole series". This overly confident desicion appeared to have been punished the bearded man volunteered to be Project Manager in the first week, always a risky move. Alex was then humiliated as the risk did not pay off and mr beard was out week one, leaving my colleague with a metaphorical egg on his face after his brash judgement. Sad day for him, I giggled.
Moving on, I'm eating a fizzy wriggly worm. It is neither particularly fizzy or wriggly and I'm thoroughly underwhelmed by the whole experience.
Damn the worm! I'm going to write a strongly worded email to the worm company. I'm not really, I'm just going.

Contrast - Alex

In order to counter Patrick's date keeping inadequacy I took it upon myself to hold off my entry for one day, just so order is restored as quickly and easily as possible. So what's in the news at the moment? Well firstly Manchester United all but sealed the Premier League title at the weekend with a victory over a below standard Chelsea team. This game taught me one thing, Park is a god.

What isn't to love about him? He has a Hollywood smile, as demonstrated above teamed up with a rugged complexion similar to that of Clint Eastwood or this guy (I made it a link, so click on it and marvel at what I aspire to grow up to be). On top of that he runs as if he's partaking in a jail break (quickly), but on top of that he does it for the whole match! CRAZY.

My second topic is the return of The Apprentice tonight. This is good news for me because I enjoy the show very much, as I feel it has all of the "reality" elements that a show like Big Brother or the other ones have without the annoying dumb people. Another of the things that really sells The Apprentice to me is that I like suits, and male contestants all wear suits, which I like a lot. Although I must admit I occasionally find myself criticising the cut or fabric of a suit, and I know that I'm only a wishful rookie in the world of suits.

Finally yesterday I made my second iPod play list name after a group created by Hitler, Sturmabteilung, completely irrelevant but it highlights how worthless my husk of a life is.

Useless- Paddy

I am useless at keeping track of the days. I was certain today was mine to blog on but alas ny day was yesterday. Therefore I am as useless as a ninja wearing neon robes trying to assassinate one of the guests at a funeral.
I think I'm going to make that a thing. My blogs will now be as full as a car of elephants with hand luggage of long and vaguely nonsensical similes. I probably won't remember this either as apparently I'm not good at remembering things due to this blog being posted on not even close to the right day. The right day being Sunday and today of course being Monday. I blame exams. I've lost all focus on the parts of my life that aren't being assessed in the next month.
So I need to go at least look at a book full of exams based notage and revise. Ciao!

Girl get comfortable - Alex

We bout to do something you never done before
Baby not the usual, tonight we gettin unpredictable!

Just a short and exciting exert from the song unpredictable by Jamie Foxx featuring Ludacris. I have literally no reason for telling you these cheeky words, beyond the fact that it makes me happier than a monkey in a room of bananas. I imagine that must be very happy, because my friend Dan looks delighted when he's just peeling a satsuma.

Much like Patrick I feel like I must condemn you to a short and unexciting blog, this time of year with my exams approaching n ting I pay more attention to not being bad at being clever than I do to being a good blogger. Soz 4 dat.

1000 - Paddy

To follow on from alex's blog about wheezy waiters belief that things divisible by 5 or 10 are important, I too have something rather more special, but belated to share. Only a matter of days ago, our blog page was logged onto for the 1000 time. That's ONE THOUSAND which is one followed by nine hundred and ninety nine other views. This has resparked my belief that this blog could get us the trivial fame we desired, especially due to the small buy persistent fans in Germany and the USA, I fear we have lost the moroccan.
On an alternative note, my country just rejected the AV voting system in favour of the current first past the post system by 31% to 69%. Just something I find interesting. That's all.

The big 100 - Alex

Wheezywaiter is right, it seems that only anniversaries and achievements that are divisible by 5 or 10 are considered real landmarks. Well I just had one of them, I just won my 100th game on Fifa Ultimate Team. Obviously you don't care about that, because I'm a massive loser. Well on a different note, you know the Internet? Well the other day my friend sent me a link to a video that's actually on it, and when I watched it I realised that with the exception of the scenes including females it reminded me a lot of me and Patrick. Well here it is...

Now firstly I'd like to apologise for the naughty word, I find it works better if you put your fingers in your ears and go "lalalala". I hope you appreciate that me and Paddy are now including videos and pictures in our updates, we got technical n ting. Pointon out.

Golf, wind and sitcoms - Paddy

Today I dressed as a golfer. Why? Because it's still rag week and today's theme was sports. Alex for example wore a full Manchester united kit because as I'm sure you are aware, he is an avid fan. However, few people put in such an effort as us, with many just opting to wear short, especially females who seemed to view sport as a different word for not wearing much. Tomorrow's theme is school. This strikes me as unusual at we only left school a matter of months ago and it seems far to soon to be reminiscing or parodying. Maybe it's just me who feels this way, I haven't asked anyone else, nor will I probably.
Moving ever so swiftly onwards, so swiftly that even Usain Bolt riding on a swift would think damn that was swift, I have now forgotten my initial point. Stupid long and rambling similies. Right I'm going to power onwards and discuss the weather. It's quite warm. And also fairly sunny. However, these two aspects of the weather are marredby the ever present breeze which makes it quite chilly should you hit a shade patch or if a stray cloud wanders in front of the sun.
The tele is currently annoying me. I'm watching a situation comedy based around the staff of an American hospital and named after the clothing they wear. Unfortunately, the sound is about half a second out of sync and it's effing frustrating. Grrr! This is the point at which I leave. Hasta la vista readers. Technically that doesn't make sense but who cares?

From my bathroom to you - Alex

In a very similar style to how Patrick blogs tonight I am in fact blogging from a portable touch screen device intended for storing music, not entertaining and informing the masses. Today followers I went for a run, I reckon I did roughly five miles, originally I intended to run for close to four miles but I may have accidentally ended up running around the woods trying to remember where I actually was. As soon as I got in I had a bubble bath, because that's exactly how I feel Ray Winstone would approach the situation. Last time I was up on them my pegs felt like jelly, and I did form and then pop a blister somewhere between enthusiastically setting off and returning home desperate to stop moving. The horrors of exercise. Also for the last half of my time out I was turtle heading, if you know what that means then i'm sorry for the mental image.

In my youthful exuberance my future is a topic that many put pressure on me to consider, however I have decided to move to Cornwall and start up a B&B on the coast and to have a sheep dog. I need to get ready for bed now, so sorry for not telling you about how the rest of my weekend was, but for now it is good bye.

Apologetic - Paddy

Sorry. I'm so very sorry. I completely forgot to do this yesterday. Please don't hate me for ruining your blog reading schedule but on the plus side you get not one but two awesome posts today. Always a silver lining.
Anyway, on to the subject matter of this late blog. Today marks the beginning of "Raising and Giving" week or RAG week. Basically rag week means everybody dresses up in fancy-dress to ease money for charity. There are four themes: wild west, sports, school and Disney. Wild west day was originally called cowboys and Indians but that was deemed politically incorrect and changed to avoid offending the colleges large proportion of native American students.
Im afraid this is it for yesterdays post, I'm running out of batter

Hamilton - Alex

Pinch, punch, first day of the month! No returns. Hello dearest reader, what a lovely day tpo be sat inside watching Newcastle lose to the team I despise most in the entire whole wide world. But I'm still in a lovely mood, and that's because for once my life is actually going pretty sweetly. Whilst tomorrow marks 14 days until I begin my dreaded examinations, my weekend has been bordering on fantastic so far. Not only have I done something social each day to this point (OMG) but I have also done things socially that have been enjoyable. If you are a true fan you shall know that on Friday night I went to see Fast Five, the latest installment in the street racing based franchise, and boy was I impressed. Whilst it actually departed from the slick street racing setting that drove (geddit?) the previous films to success it was stupidly enjoyable. Explosions, guns, muscles, cars and a lavish helping of poon tang made the film exactly what an average punter like me was hoping for. The critics aren't going crazy, but that's because they are in fact dicks.

Now for me to help you understand the title of this blog, since watching the film I have pretty much been addicted to racing n ting. As soon as I got in from the cinema I was straight on my preferred games console in order to play my favoured racing game. Oh my and the speed was incredible, how could a VW Rabbit  get bare mph? With me at the helm of course. Since rediscovering my love for racing games I have actually put effort into buying a car and making it look like the main car is Fast Five. I know, I'm a loser.

I shall finish telling you how above average my weekend was when I blog for you on Tuesday, but for now, terra.