WHAMMY - Alex

At the bottom of that picture you see the score from last weeks Young Boys fixture in the cup, and above it you see our fixture from last night, which rather annoying for this point, hasn't been updated. Because of the laziness of the league administrator I'm going to have to use your imagination! Look at the part in the bottom image where it says "0 - 3", now change the three to a four so it would look like "0 - 4". That's the hard work done, now just shift them numbers up to the fixture above and there you have it. Yes, we won 4-0. So in our last two games (even if they were both against the same, seemingly substandard, team) have had a total result of 7-0 in our favour. And dare I say it, we did some good football playing. Lots of passing, movement, intercepting and plenty of the trademark Young Boys skew-wif shooting. We're not very good at shooting, I would put us on par with Abu Hamza using a pistol in his right hand* and trying to shoot a single raindrop. Although we do have one player who has a habit of getting the ball in the net, and you know who he is. Patrick is quite good at scoring goals, he's better at hitting the woodwork (the post and crossbar), but I think hitting the woodwork is his main talent in life. Now to help you see just how good he is here is a spreadsheet I have updated weekly, because I am a huge square and the odds are that I shall be openly mocked for my insistence on accurate and precise record keeping.

GPG = Goals per game
APG = Assists per game

As you can see Patrick has scored 7 goals, more than any other player in our whole team, of which I can 100% guarantee that at least 4 of them were assisted by yours truly. Possibly more, but I can vividly remember and describe precisely at least 4. So I'm really our secret weapon.

I can't imagine that any more of the names in that spreadsheet mean anything at all to you, and they shouldn't. But they are all of the people who have had the honour of pulling on a Young Boys shirt this season.

This blog has been dominated by soccer, and for our readers across the pond who I am sure are sick to the back teeth of this nonsensical soccer chat I promise you that my next blog will focus on plain and simple humour. Scouts honour.

*I hope you understand why I spent plenty of time deliberating if "hand" was the right word, but I didn't want to make the joke too rewarding so I decided it was for the best.