FIFA 12 Apologies- Paddy

You may or may not be aware of the FIFA 12 apology rules. They are a list of rules devised by gamers for the eventuality that you are heavily beaten by your friend in a game. According to the Facebook the official rules are as follows:
5 - Write a letter to your opponent praising them for their brilliance.

6 - You must act as though your opponent is God the next time you see him.

7 - You must make your opponent a certificate explaining how he beat you by seven goals and played so well.

8 - You must be the slave of your opponent for an hour.

9 - You write a letter to your family explaining how you have let them down and are an embarrassment to the family.

10 - You must send a Moonpig apology to your opponent explaining why it happened and how it'll never happen again.

11 - You write a letter to the queen explaining why your opponent deserves a knighthood.

12 - You must play the next game fully naked in the living room.

13 - You have to go to your next door neighbours and start describing the game in its full detail, minute, by minute and where fundamentally you went wrong, if they shut the door move on to the next house and pick up where you left off.

14 - The person must wear a custom t-shirt, designed by the winner, it must have on the back, " I lost by 14 on Fifa 12 " on the front, it can have what ever the winner desires. The loser must then walk around town explaining to 14 different people why they have lost so badly and get them to sign the t-shirt. A picture must then be uploaded to facebook with the T-shirt on for further abuse.

15 - You must send a letter to EA explaining in great detail why you lost by 15 goals and how they should make a special version of Fifa for people like you.

20 - You are not allowed to play FIFA 12, ever, ever, EVER again.

I'm sure you can see where this is going. Its clear that one of us had to do one of these forfeits and you probably think that because I'm writing that its Alex. Unfortunately I lost 7-2 to Alex earlier so had to write him a facebook based apology. It went like this:
Dear Alex
I would like to apologise to you for letting you beat me 7-2 on EA sports' FIFA 12. I am sorry that my woefully inept LA Galaxy squad were unable to challenge your prowess with the mighty New York Red Bulls. I am especially sorry for letting your striker, Rodgers, score 4 open goals. Please forgive me for these events and I hope that you will let me face you again.
Sincerely, your vanquished opponent,
Patrick

That's all from me today, I can't handle any further humiliation.